Who knew I was the life of the party? Not I!!!

So last night, Friday night, I was at the arena for FOUR hours, as Ardan had a practice and Gunnar had a game immediately after that. Its Gunnar's home tournament this weekend, and the hockey moms had planned for us all to have a girls night after the game, which ended at 8:15. I'm so lucky that Hubs was at home to look after the kids so I was able to go with them.

The bar they decided we'd go to is called the Open Range, so I knew that I'd be getting a healthy dose of country music (bleeeeechh). What I hadn't realized was that that bar is known for having a huge karaoke night every Friday night.

First of all, who knew that there were so many good-ole-boys out there who LOVE to sing karaoke? I can honestly say that in my entire life, I had never seen a guy willingly get up to sing. But we're not talking one guy here. There were like seven guys who were constantly up at that mike. And these were guys that I would never in a million years have guessed to have a love for karaoke. I'm talking big burly oil-rig guys, wearing their denim jackets and the guy version of mom-jeans, with huge guts overhanging their waistbands. Of course, most of them sang country songs but there were a few that surprised me with their song choices.

There were about five or six of us hockey moms sitting around our table. As more moms showed up, we started getting a little louder and rowdier and then someone (couldn't have been me) suggested one of us should get up there on the mike. One of the moms there is widely known to be a huge karaoke enthusiast and the kicker is that she doesn't even need a few drinks for dutch courage. She couldn't decide on a song so we picked Abba's Take a Chance on Me, and we all promised we'd get on the dance floor and boogie when she was singing. She did AWESOME, we were so proud.

Flash forward to a couple of hours, and a lot of drinks, later... I had innocently mentioned how I loved to sing Cover of the Rolling Stone, but that I needed a LOT of dutch courage. Everyone got a kick out of that, with Renee (the one who sang the Abba song) asking me, "What song is that?" Awww, come on Renee! I tried singing the chorus for her but it was so loud in there she couldn't recognize the tune. I noticed some of the moms huddled together, writing on a piece of paper. Didn't think much of it. Got up to go the bathroom (broke the seal, I guess) and all of a sudden I hear on the mike, "Okay Beau, its your turn! Get up here!"

I could feel my face draining of all color. Looked at the other moms, who were giggling hysterically, urging me to "Get up there and belt it out, girl!" OH. MY. GAWD!!! Traitors!! I stumbled my way up to the mike, begging Renee to come up with me and she caved and joined me at the mike.

I cannot even begin to describe how nervous and scared I was. Its one thing to become a karaoke queen when you're totally wasted and don't give a flying f*ck what everyone thinks of you. Its totally another when you're only buzzed and there's a packed room of strangers staring at you! It didn't help matters that my throat was bone-dry and my voice was all hoarse and scratchy from the drinks, smokes, and having to yell at the top of your lungs just to talk to the person sitting next to you.

And so it began... "Ah, ah, ah, I don't believe it. Hey Ray, hey Sugar, tell 'em who we are..." In the blink of an eye, what seemed like the entire bar surged to their feet and swarmed the dance floor. People were going crazy, singing along as loud as they could, dancing wildly and giving me the rock-on hand signal. Suddenly, singing my favorite karaoke song became easier. Another mom came up to Renee's mike and then there were three of us. My scratchy, hoarse voice couldn't decide if it wanted to sing low or high, but no one cared. It... was... AWESOME!!!

I was on a definite adrenaline-high after the song ended. All the hockey moms looked at me in awe, "I can't believe you can sing like that! You knew all the words! You were awesome!" Renee swore that she'd found a new karaoke buddy (don't know about that, haha).

So yeah, it was a truly great night. Had tons of fun, got to know the hockey moms better outside of hockey, got hit on by a couple of guys (great for the self-esteem, lol), and I didn't get so drunk that I had a hangover this morning. So I'm quite looking forward to going to Gunnar's hockey game today and seeing all the moms again. I kinda broke out of my shell with them last night, showed them a new side of me, and it seems like they like me more now. Its only too bad that this happened now, at the end of hockey season. Guess I'll have to arrange another karaoke night next hockey season, at the start! Haha.

Um...OMG...what?

So the kids have been off school for the last two days, and yesterday I took the kids to Walmart to use their gift cards. They were so excited; Ardan couldn't wait to get a new DS game, Gunnar didn't know what he wanted, and Lena just wanted to get a new TOY! Haha.

We went straight to the electronics dept and the boys dived for the games section. Lena and Ryder were in my cart and we were browsing the racks of new dvds. As I turned the cart towards another rack, I had to maneuver around these two guys, who were talking and laughing. I quickly looked at them, thougtht for a second that one looked familiar, when he said, "Hey Beau."

Thank GOD my memory didn't fail me at that moment. "Oh, hi Will! Wow, I can't believe you recognized me." I rode the bus with him and his cousins, nice, good down-to-earth farmboys who got along with everyone. Will was a couple grades below me. I'm pretty sure he and his one cousin that was the same age as him, both had little crushes on me, which I always thought was cute and pretty ego-boosting.

Anyway, Will's friend left and with both of us standing there, it was kind of like, "Well, better be nice and play catch-up". After the obligatory How-are-yous and What-are-you-up-to-nows, I thought maybe I should ask his opinion on what a guy his age would want for a birthday present, as it was my younger brother's birthday the next day. His response totally threw me for a loop, it was like time stopped after my brain processed his words and I just stood there, stunned and incredibly uncomfortable.

"Whores and blow. Ha ha ha."

W.T.F....?!
Who says that? My two babies were in the cart! Gunnar and Ardan were like ten feet away, down the aisle! Not to mention, people walking by.

OMG I wanted to slap him. It was pretty hard to remain civil after that but I made a graceful exit, using my two boys as an excuse, also hoping to made a subtle point that my kids were close by.

What an ass!

P.S. Of course, its only afterwards that those great come-backs enter your mind...
"Well, actually, Levi is a peace officer so that probably wouldn't work."
"In his line of work, he'd be the one arresting the guy getting that for his birthday."
"You know, he'd probably be very interested in your response..."

Lena wants to be a "hair cutter" when she grows up

Because she's just so talented at it, see?

This is what happens when your 3 year old sees you cutting your own bangs and decides to try it out on her own. My first reaction when she came strutting out of her room, flushed with pride? Hysterical laughter (which seemed to justify her actions, in her mind), followed by shock, horror and more manic giggling. Lena didn't understand why I stormed into her room and confiscated the scissors, and my scream of shock to see the massive pile of hair on her floor just made her more confused. "But Mom, now I have short bangs like you!" AARRGHHH!!!

Tyler's reaction was more toned-down than mine. "She looks like that guy from the Conan movie."

So now whenever I look at her poor mutilated bangs (which will take MONTHS to grow back! waaaa!), THIS is what I see:

P.S. And yes, the saying "What goes around, comes around" is absolutely true in this case. My mom is sure to remind me of the story of another little girl who, with the "help" of her best friend, decided to cut her own bangs, the day before Picture Day in playschool. So the image of my own poor butchered and mutilated bangs is preserved for future generations to enjoy. Karma, its a bitch.

Rip Van Kasha

As I mentioned earlier, we've been down with the flu and you could say that its getting pretty ugly around here. My house is a disaster; the livingroom floor is covered with blankets and pillows, the kitchen floor is sticky (I have been sweeping but don't have the energy to mop), I'm about four loads behind in laundry, and the bathroom... *shudder*... I'm not even going there.

So yesterday, I had a tiny ounce of energy and I used it to do a little cleaning, mostly laundry and vacuuming. Just doing that drained me again and all I wanted to do was lay on the couch and doze. Not likely. Did I mention that the only ones not affected by the flu-bug are the two babies? Yeah, the two children with the most P&V are perfectly fine, while the rest of us, mostly me, have zero energy. This makes looking after No.4 a freakin' nightmare!!

He's constantly into something, whether its the cabinets and cupboards, pulling out tupperware and utensils and appliances; or pulling out the DVDs and CDs and opening them and throwing the disks on the ground; or taking any item he can find, running over to the baby-gate at the top of the stairs and throwing them over, down into the front entry; or sneaking into any room that the door has not been shut all the way and totally trashing that room as quick as he can, because he knows he's gonna get busted right away; and he especially loves tipping over the garbage bin and wading through the mess, rooting through everything to see what's edible and what could potentially be a toy. These are just a FEW of the many many things he does to occupy and entertain himself, on a daily basis.

So you can see how someone feeling perfectly well would have a hard time keeping up with him, let alone a mom who's been looking after a family of sickies and not feeling so shit-hot herself. Yesterday was a definite low-point for me. Once my initial burst of energy went out, I was an exhausted, dazed mess. You know when you get so tired that you start slurring your words and everything gets blurry and you feel like your legs weigh a hundred pounds? At one point, I just layed on the couch and weakly yelled at Ryder to get out of the kitchen and come lay down on his couch. Did he listen? Of course not, *sigh*.

He finally went down for his nap and the second his head hit his pillow, so did mine. I snoozed for a couple of hours until he woke up. And you know, sometimes, when you are that tired, having a nap merely teases your body, makes it think its going to get its 8-hours of sleep. And when you have to drag that body out of bed to "be a mom", you honestly think you are going to die. I have no idea how I managed to do my "mom stuff", look after the kids, make supper, and all that.

Around 6:30, the three youngest decided they wanted to bath together. I dragged my butt to the bathroom, ran the water, plunked them all in, and promptly fell asleep on the bathroom floor (ewww! OMG I can't believe I did that!). I used a towel as a pillow and I was out. I could vaguely hear squeals of laughter and delight coming from all three as they happily splashed and played in the water. Every so often, when the water splashing on my head and the voices reached a certain decibel level, I'd whisper to them to "stop it or else", then I'd pass out again. When the dead silence penetrated my unconsciousness, I woke up and saw all three standing over me, naked and dripping. "Mom, you're laying on our towels." Doh!

Fed them their supper, settled them all on the floor amid the pillows and blankets, put the baby to bed, and told Tyler I was going to lay down "just for a bit". Well, we all know what happens whenever I say that. Yep. I went to bed at 7:45pm (which is UNHEARD of for me) and woke up around 5am to get Ryder a bottle. Crawled back in bed until the alarm went off at 7. So that's almost 12 hours, people! Man, did my body ever need that. I actually feel human today.

Until I went downstairs to do some laundry, taking both little ones down with me. In the amount of time it took me to switch out the laundry, put more in, fold the clean stuff (so, about ten minutes) here is what my darling boy-child did: emptied the box of picture frames all over the floor, somehow figuring out how to remove the glass part from three frames; dumped out the entire bowl of kitty food that I had JUST refilled, all over the black shag rug in the laundry room; scooped a couple of handfuls of said kitty food into their fresh bowl of water; climbed on a chair to reach the sewing machine, grabbed the thread off the spindle and unspooled almost the entire thing; dumped the hamper of dirty laundry out onto the clean pile I had just taken out of the dryer; ran back into the toy area and tipped over the huge bin containing all the ninja turtle stuff; got into the boys bathroom and came out with a bottle of shampoo, which he promptly spilled out all over himself and the floor; and last but not least, squatted down and let loose a huge stewy one in his diaper.

So that's it, ladies and gents, I am DONE. The motherhood brochure never mentioned all this. I'm switching careers. I think I'd like to be a professional ice-cream taster. Or maybe a photographer who takes pictures of really hot, hunky men for romance novel covers. I could do that, easily....

Trying...not to...giggle!

Lena and I have a bed-time ritual where I read her a book, then "tickle her back". We've exhausted her entire library of books and one night I got so fed up with reading her Scooby Doo book (for the millionth time!) that I suggested we start singing songs together instead of reading. She loved that idea, but only wanted me to sing and she would "hear". I sang You Are My Sunshine and Twinkle Twinkle.

The next night, after I'd sung "the sunshine song" she told me she wanted me to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep. Okay, fine, that's a good one. For the next three nights she only wanted me to sing those two songs. Then, last night, she decided that "only she" would sing and she wanted to sing Baa Baa Black Sheep to me.

Here is how she sang it, word for word:

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Have you any wuh?
Yessir, yessir, free bags full.
One for my master, one for the sheep,
one for the little girl who lives up the creek.

Baa Baa Black Sheep
Have you any wuh?
Yessir, yessir, free bags full.

Don't let the flu-bugs bite!

So we've all been down with the sickness for the last week or so. One of the boys must've brought a bug home from school and one by one, we've all succumbed. Its some sort of flu, with horrible nausea and stomach pain. So there's been much moaning and groaning going on, and not in the good way.

Fat lot of good those flu shots did us, eh?

Time to play with myself - I mean, BY myself

I'm really bored right now and I'm trying to ignore the voice in my head yelling "do housework!" so I've come up with a little game I'm going to, in the words of my brother, "play with myself". Heh! You all know what word association is, right? When someone says a word and, without giving yourself too much time to think, you say whatever pops into your mind. I'm going to use 15 random words that are flitting through my mind, here goes...

BEARS: fur, claws, teeth
DUST: sneezing
BLANKETS: cuddly nest
VACUUMING: loud
SCHOOL: homework
MAKEUP: mascara, lip gloss
READING: escape
FAMILY: love, laughing
THURSDAY: The Office!
HAPPINESS: smiling
FISH: stink
MUSIC: dancing
COOKIES: chocolate chips
SNOW: cold, never-ending
EXERCISE: sweaty red-face

Here's three for you guys, let me know what comes to your mind in the comments.
SEX
DRUGS
ROCK n ROLL

(Those should get some interesting responses, can't wait!)

Its contagious!

Aaahh, there is nothing so sweet as a baby's giggles. Enjoy!

In Memory of my Dad, Mark Simcoe

January 31st marked the four-year anniversary of my Dad's death. It feels almost surreal that its been that long already, some days it seems like yesterday. Then I'm reminded that I've had two more children since his passing (he died 6 weeks before Lena was born), and then it feels like forever that I've seen my Dad and hugged him.

Everyone lives with regrets about things they've done, or haven't, in their past. I definitely have some in regard to my Dad and our relationship, and since his death I've learned a few life lessons. The main one being: never take for granted the loved ones you've been blessed to have in your life. Tell them you love them and why. If you suddenly think of them during your daily routine, call them and let them know you are thinking of them, share that memory that brought them to mind. Take the time to include them in your life. And most of all, treat every visit with them as if it could be the last.

Because you never know, it just well might be.

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

It Matters Not How Long a Star Shines, What Is Remembered Is the Brightness Of Its Light

What is physical death?
Death is an event whereby the body disappears in one way or another - buried or cremated - and the breath in the body ceases and mingles with the air outside, and consciousness which had trapped itself within a body (and had identified itself with it) is released and becomes the universal consciousness, like a drop of rain water falling in the river -- Ramesh Basekar

The deep pain that is felt at the death of every friendly soul arises from the feeling that there is in every individual something which is inexpressible, peculiar to him alone, and is, therefore, absolutely and irretrievably lost. -- Arthur Schopenhauer

There are things that we don't want to happen but have to accept, things we don't want to know but have to learn, and people we can't live without but have to let go. -- Author Unknown

While we are mourning the loss of our friend, others are rejoicing to meet him behind the veil. -- John Taylor

When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. -- Kahlil Gibran

Mourning is not forgetting... It is an undoing. Every minute tie has to be untied and something permanent and valuable recovered and assimilated from the dust. -- Margery Allingham

As long as I can I will look at this world for both of us. As long as I can I will laugh with the birds, I will sing with the flowers, I will pray to the stars, for both of us. -- Sascha

There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than 10,000 tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love. -- Washington Irving

"Perhaps they are not stars in the sky but rather openings where our loved ones shine down to let us know they are happy." -- Inuit legend

You don't really get over it; you get used to it. -- Robert S. Weiss

Hold on to what is good even if it is a handful of earth.
Hold on to what you believe even if it is a tree which stands by itself.
Hold on to what you must do even if it is a long way from here.
Hold on to life even when it is easier letting go.
Hold on to my hand even when I have gone away from you.
-- Pueblo Blessing

If the future seems overwhelming, remember that it comes one moment at a time.
-- Beth Mende Conny

Lullaby
Goodnight, my angel, time to close your eyes
And save these questions for another day.
I think I know what you've been asking me;
I think you know what I've been trying to say.
I promised I would never leave you,
And you should always know, wherever you may go,
No matter where you are, I will never be far away.
Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to sleep,
And still so many things I want to say.
Remember all the songs you sang for me
When we went sailing on an emerald bay?
And like a boat out on the ocean, I'm rocking you to sleep.
The water's dark, and deep inside this ancient heart,
You'll always be a part of me.
Goodnight, my angel, now it's time to dream,
And dream how wonderful your life will be.
Someday your child may cry, and if you sing this lullaby,
Then in your heart there will always be a part of me.
Someday we'll all be gone, but lullabies go on and on . . .
They never die.That's how you and I will be.
- Billy Joel

To my Mom

Where would you go that I cannot follow?
For how long must I wait until we meet again?
What would I do in times that I miss you?
Where would I go in times when I long to see you again?
How must I spend the nights without you?
How do I bear each morning that you’re not there?
Shall I ever smile again?
Will I ever laugh again?
Will I ever face the world again knowing that I'm not alone?
Why must you leave me?
Why must I cry these tears when you’re not here to wipe them all away?
Why must I suffer the empty days without my beloved?
Why must I dream without you by my side?
The days shall never be the same again
I will never be the same again without you
The life of my soul, the joy of my heart, the light in my eyes,
The hope of my dreams, the comfort of my lonely nights.
Without you my beloved, I grieve and cry,
I grope and stumble in the dark,
I weep with all my soul, I desire with all my heart
I let go of all of me that you took away with you
I keep all of you that is in me, and will always remain in me
Wherever I may go.
I wait and pray and hope
I will look forward to each brand new day
Thankful for all that I’ve had and will always have
Thankful for the sun that shines again
Believing and hanging on
Believing that life will go on, it can’t help but go on
It shall go on and in so going there really is no end
Only mornings and evenings
And life that never ever ends.

A Poem on Grieving Loss of Loved One, written by Jocelyn Soriano.

25 Things About Me You Didn't Know

So my cousin Calliope tagged me on Facebook for this thing she did, where you are supposed to write 25 random things, facts, habits or goals about yourself. So here we go....

1. I am so near-sighted that if I am not wearing my glasses or contacts, in order to see something I have to hold it about two inches from my face. Doh!
2. I have never had a tooth cavity in my entire life. (Must be the well water from the acreage growing up, right mom?)
3. I didn't have my first "real" kiss until I was 16 (in grade 11).
4. I went through a phase in high school, around grade 9, where I was obsessed with anything to do with the 60s. I wanted to be a hippy, so I wore bell bottoms. I learned the words to almost every Beatles song. I went out and bought books about that era and studied them like I was going to be tested. I watched the movie 'Hair' a million times, memorized all the songs, imagined myself being in the movie, doing the things they were doing. Maybe in a past life, I was a hippy!
5. Speaking of past lives... I am CONVINCED that in a past life, I was killed in a car accident. As a teenager, I was terrified of driving, even though I took a driver training course (which I was white-knuckled through the entire time). Even thinking about driving a vehicle gave me the shakes and brought on an anxiety attack. I finally got my drivers license at age 22 (even though I failed the first two times!). Thankfully, I can now say I am a MUCH better driver and no longer get stressed about it, although I won't be driving in a major city like Calgary or Edmonton any time soon, haha!
6. Here are all the careers I've been interested in over the years: theatre set designer, actress, botanist, environmental conservationist, artist, costume designer, fashion designer, being in the Peace Corps or Greenpeace (I don't even know if there is such a thing as the Peace Corps), interior designer.
7. I can remember the exact moment and what I was doing when I found out I was pregnant at 17. Tyler and I were living in the apartment across from the Telus building in downtown Red Deer. I had been really grouchy for the past week and something Tyler did or said that morning set me off into a screaming fit. After I chilled out, I thought to myself, "What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this? Is it hormones or what?" Laughed a bit, then the word hormones sort of bounced around my head and like a light going on, it hit me. Immediately I went out to the drugstore across the street, picked up a test, ran home and did my thing. I can remember sitting on the edge of the tub, holding the test in my hand, terrified to look at it. In typical self-absorbed teenaged fashion, all I could think about was how my 18th birthday was in a week and how I wouldn't be able to go out to the bar if I was pregnant. When I finally did look at it and I saw those two lines, I was in denial. I kept double-checking the package, just in case two lines meant not pregnant. I probably sat there for about five minutes in a daze, zoned out, just staring at the wall. Then a vision of a fat little baby with wispy hair, lying in a crib cooing and giggling, flashed into my mind. I saw myself picking the baby up, rocking it back and forth, kissing the soft sweet cheeks, and Tyler coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around both of us. In that moment, I knew that this was meant to be, this was what I'd been wanting and waiting for, I just hadn't realized it. Suddenly I was filled with excitement and happiness, so anxious to see my precious baby and hold it, that I wanted my baby NOW. I walked out to the livingroom, still dazed, plopped down on the sofa and said to Tyler, "Sorry I spazzed out there. Its because I'm pregnant." He just sort of collapsed on the couch beside me. We looked at each other, unable to look away, both of us looking for something, some emotion, on the others face that would signal what the other was thinking. For a second, fear flashed through his eyes, then mine. Then, at the exact same time, we started to smile.
8. I have this obsessive habit of setting the alarm clock and having to check at least four times that it is set properly. I check the time to confirm that its right, then I click the button to the 'on' position, then I make sure the volume is clicked to 'ring', not 'on' (otherwise, instead of an alarm sound, the radio comes on but really quietly). I do this four more times, just in case.
9. Contrary to the majority of you out there, I have no desire to vacation in Mexico, Cuba, the Dominican, or any other hot-spot out there. I used to think I would enjoy it, laying on the beach all day reading and sun-tanning, drinking frou-frou drinks with the little umbrellas. Then I realized I would be incredibly bored after about two days of doing that. Plus, that commercial that comes on TV that shows you all the ways you can get Hep C or whatever disease it is, from vacationing in places like that. NO THANK YOU! I'll take a trip to cold damp Scotland over Mexico any day. Tramping through the centuries-old graveyards, reading the headstones, running my hands over the monoliths at Stonehenge, feeling their power... that's my idea of a vacation. (Of course, Ty would be fishing in Loch Ness, trying to reel in ole' Nessie, haha!)
10. Whenever I am around someone with a Newfie accent, inevitably I start talking with the accent after a couple of minutes. Its kind of embarrassing! I always think that they will think I am mocking them, but its completely out of my control, I can't help it! Its something to do with the lilting tone of their voice, the way they pronounce certain words. I just find myself talking the same way. I wish I had an accent!
11. I bite my fingernails whenever I am nervous, scared, stressed, or angry.
12. I am NOT a squeamish person (hello! I'm a mom of four - you don't want to know how many times I've been peed, puked and pooped on, not to mention all the snot and slobber that's been rubbed on my shoulders over the years). But, the sight of blood on the floor does me in every time. Its fine if the blood is on the body part its leaking from or on clothes or a washcloth, but for some insane reason when I see it on the floor, where I could possibly step on it, it totally freaks me out!
13. I find that doing housework is sooo much easier if I'm talking on the phone at the same time.
14. I am most attracted to men with dark hair and eyes (maybe that seems obvious, seeing as how I married your typical tall, dark and handsome man), which makes my obsession with blond-haired, blue-eyed Brad Pitt a total mystery to me.
15. I have a very weird phobia of what I call "re-breathing", meaning breathing in someone else's "used" air, air that they are breathing out. If I even think I am re-breathing, my lungs seize up and I start panicking, I literally cannot breath. Its funny but at the start of my relationship with Ty, you know, that lovey-dovey honeymoon stage, we'd cuddle in bed, heads close together, and I would struggle to hide my panic when his breath would hit my face. I didn't want to offend him or have him think I was a weirdo, plus I was loving the cuddling. Years went by and I kept this hidden from him. It was only a couple of years ago that I confessed to Tyler my weird phobia and guess what? Turns out he has the exact same phobia! All this time he'd been hiding it from me, for the same reasons I hid it from him! How crazy is that? So now, sometimes when we're lying in bed, he'll hug me or I'll hug him, faces close together, and its like a contest to see who can last longer. He always wins because I'll make it to like a minute, then start freaking out and hyperventilating, him holding me closer and me trying to shove him away, both of us laughing hysterically. Yeah, we're weird.
16. When I was in elementary school, from about grades 1-3, I wanted to change my name to Victoria because I thought it was the most beautiful name ever, like a princess.
17. I get so embarrassed by some of the horrible singers at the American Idol auditions, that I have to hide my head behind a pillow because I just can't bear to watch them embarrass themselves like that.
18. I am not allergic to anything.
19. I have few regrets about anything I've done in my life, but the ones I do have are: being mean to Levi when he was a little boy (Trapper and I would lead him into a field then run away, screaming "Coyotes!", stuff like that), not being a better sister to my brothers during their teen years (I was too busy with my own life, raising my child, and thought that they didn't need me, now I regret not being more involved in their lives), and of course, not realizing that my dad had a mental disorder and that was the reason for some of his "mean" behaviour to me over the years. I should have realized that the extreme ups-and-downs of his behaviour were more than just his personality, that they signified a real problem he was having, and I should have been more understanding and empathetic.
20. My mother is my role model. I look at her life, the many things she's had to deal with over the years, and how she's always retained her core of strength, love and perseverance. She is the most amazing person I know: the strength and beauty of her soul; her unique, one-of-a-kind personality; her capacity for unconditional love, understanding and acceptance. She is just as much my friend as my mother.
21. My favorite food (at the moment) to snack on is caramel-and-chocolate-chip rice cakes. Its a new obsession.
22. I cannot stand TV crime or doctor dramas, like ER or Law & Order. The exception is CSI, but I only like the original series and the CSI Miami series, not the New York one.
23. My all-time favorite foods are: buttered toast with honey, mashed potatoes with salad mixed in, bbq-ed chicken (Ty's secret recipe), and All-Bran flakes cereal with milk. Foods that make me gag just to look at them, let alone eat them? Blackberries (they're like black raspberries on steroids, they look like huge steaming piles of ant egg clusters, pulsating with ant ooze), raw oysters, liver (it glistens!), and sausages (I like breakfast sausages, but the other kind, the big fat ones, even the smell of them cooking makes me gag).
24. I am convinced that Courtney Love played a sinister role in Kurt Cobain's death (don't believe me? Watch the documentary "Kurt and Courtney").
25. And the last informational nugget I'll pass along: I have an instinctual bias against 'authority', meaning anyone who tries to tell me what to do. If you TELL me or ORDER me or even FORBID me to do something, my hackles rise up and my mind screams rebellion. I cannot stand being told what to do. But if you were to ask me nicely, make it a suggestion laced with many 'pleases' and 'thank yous', I might consider it.

So there you go. 25 things about me you probably didn't know. And if you did know a few of these things, well, that just means you're obviously very close to me. You have no idea how hard it was to come up with 25 things! I was really struggling for a while there, haha.

Love you guys! Muuuahhh!