WTF

Flash Mobs!

One more thing to add to my Bucket List: join a flash mob!



















A youtube commenter (on the Oprah vid) said that there's something about the idea of complete strangers coming together for a common goal that makes her emotional, and I totally agree. Some of these videos, especially the Irish school children doing Do Re Mi, actually brought a tear to my eye! (That flash-mob is, of course, modelled after the original from the Antwerp train station, but I mean, c'mon, these are KIDS doing the moves! Way cooler.)

So Mom, get out the Kinect Dance Central 'cause I need to perfect my dance moves. I WILL be in a flash mob at some point before I die!

Booya! I am brilliant. And modest.

Sometimes you get a idea, a thought so brilliant, that when it comes to you, you think 'Why have I never thought of this before?' And then you try this idea and it turns out to be LIFE CHANGING. (Okay, that may be an exaggeration but that is how I feel right now, about my idea.)

What was this amazing, stupendous idea you ask?

In all honesty, I have to say that I had heard of someone doing it before, but my brain catalogued it in the 'someday' file and it wasn't until recently that it suddenly resurfaced.

Using a microfiber flat-mop to wash the walls.

Yes, people, am I not brilliant? I picked up a Vileda mop, the microfiber flat version as I mentioned, at Superstore a couple of weeks ago, with just such a use in mind. But it wasn't until today that I found the energy and desire to actually use it.

And boy, has that thing completely changed my life! (Again, you're thinking 'Exaggerate much?')

But seriously, a chore that would usually take hours to perform and cause untold stress and annoyance, has now been accomplished in about twenty minutes. Yes, TWENTY! I started with a wall in the kitchen (the one my china cabinet is up against), continued on to the other kitchen walls, even the little bits above the cupboards. Every last cobweb and dust particle and grease speck was GONE. Carried on to the livingroom walls, the stairway, the front entry. The walls in the hallway. Even all the doors got the flat-mop treatment! And another great thing is that I can get all those hard-to-reach high places (damn vaulted ceiling), which is great because I have cobwebs like you wouldn't believe.

TWENTY MINUTES.

I'm writing this as I have a little break; I'll pick up where I left off when I'm done here, the stairway walls going downstairs, then the kids' bedrooms (Ryder's will be a doozy, I'm sure). And yes, the mop may not be perfect -- there's still little snots here and there (which I've told the boys they WILL be scraping off later, and yes, they will get EVERY LAST DAMN ONE) and the mop doesn't get into all the corners like I'd prefer. But I'll just get all those spots with my microfiber cloth later.

Wow, I am just thrilled. You'd think I just invented sliced bread or something.

Five Question Friday (Nov 19th)

Oops, look like I missed it last week!

1. What Christmas song do you loathe?
I don't really like the "chestnuts roasting" song, but I absolutely, positively cannot stand the "Gramma Got Ran Over by a Reindeer" song by Ray Stevens. HATE IT. I don't even have a good reason but it could have something to do with the stupid 'talking' parts in the song. And the fact that 'grandpa' is happy about it. Oh, and I find the 'Oh Christmas Tree' song a bit annoying too. Any song that repeats the same thing over and over is a dud in my book.


2. Do you and your significant other cuddle at night or sleep on opposite sides of the bed?
Ha! This question is hilarious. In our early days, we cuddled all the time. (Even though it wasn't until years later that we both confessed to having a "re-breathing" phobia.) Actually, the reason I think this is hilarious is because I was just thinking about this last night, no joke! There I was, cuddled up on MY side of the bed, under MY blanket, head nestled on MY special pillow, and I thought to myself, "Ahhh, there's nothing better than this. I couldn't imagine having to share my blanket." I guess I'm kind of particular when it comes to sleep. I like my own space, obviously do NOT like having someone's breath even remotely near my face, I like my big heavy down comforter with its maroon Ikea duvet cover, I like my 'floppy' pillow, and I especially like it that if Hubs lets one go during the night, its under HIS covers and only HE has to smell it. Hubs is the same way (except for the 'fluffing' part, as we all know girls NEVER let one go); he has his 100lb rock-hard pillow, his two favorite blankets (the soft one Gramma Dea made him with the knotted ends, and his thin quilt), and of course, the re-breathing thing. No, we do our "cuddling"  when we first go to bed, then its all, 'Okay, you go your way, I'll go mine'. And it works for us. :)


3. Have you ever had surgery?
Three times: a breast reduction in 2000 (best decision in my life), a tubal in November 2009, and wisdom teeth removal this September.

4. When do you typically have your holiday shopping done?
Oh man, just reading this question is giving me a holiday-shopping AA. Usually I start shopping the beginning of November, taking advantage of sales and such, and if I'm lucky I'm done by mid-December. Though there was one year in particular when our Kasha-side family get-together was on Boxing Day and I literally left it that long to get their gifts. We hit the stores for Boxing Day sales before we headed out there. And I vowed after that horrifying shopping experience (people are PSYCHO) that I would never, ever be a stupid idiot like that again.

5. If money were not an issue (and you HAD to pick something), what would your ultimate luxury item be?
Probably a spa bath, you know, the kind with jets and its like the size of two bathtubs. Either that or a maid/housekeeper. No... (thought about that for a bit)... DEFINITELY the maid/housekeeper. I mean, c'mon, have you SEEN my house?

Top 20 Awesome Sites You've Never Heard Of

Just because I really need this today (read blog post below). Click on the site title link to go to the site.

1. 1001 Awful Things
"One AWFUL thing every AWFUL day", example: 'An unexpected sex scene while watching a movie with your parents' (which I can totally relate to, btw)

2. Poorly Dressed People
Similar to People of Walmart

3. Happy Chair is Happy!
Faces in inanimate objects

4. Totally Looks Like
Funny look-alikes and doppelgangers (even submitted my own 'totally looks like')

5. Shit My Kids Ruined
Thanks for introducing me to this site, Christine.

6. Crazy Things Parents Say

7. Fail Blog
Epic fail pictures and videos.

8. Wedinator
'Your special day... is hilarious'

9. There, I Fixed It
Epic kludges, jury rigs, and redneck repairs

10. Sketchy Santas
Putting the 'NO' in Noel

11. Desperately Seeking... Something
Extremely NSFW (Not Safe For Work); pictures taken from hook-up websites, then mocked and ridiculed by a panel of judges

12. Failbook
Similar to Lamebook, making fun of Facebook users (real FB entries)

13. Ugliest Tattoos
'The Gallery of Regrets'

14. You Park Like an Asshole

15. After 12
Party pics, 'shames', hilarity all around

16. Lovely Listing
Odd finds in real estate listings

17. Historic LOLs

18. Monday through Friday
Work fails and job LOLs

19. Very Demotivational

20. This is Photobomb!
'Photojackers of the world unite!' -- Surprise! Ruined photos

There are a ton more sites like these on the Cheezburger network, check them out!

You know what's the worst?

* Your tired head has barely hit the pillow when you hear your littlest one crying. Drag your sorry ass out of bed to investigate, poor little guy has a "tummick-ache". You rub his back and croon sympathetically, hoping to lull him back to sleep. It seems to work, so back to bed you go. (You don't really take him seriously because for the past week, he's invented every excuse under the sun to delay bedtime).

* Not two minutes later, another cry. Louder, sharper; followed by the ominous "ralph" sound. You leap out of bed but its too late. Poor baby is covered head-to-toe in puke (why oh why did you make lasagna that night?), as are the pillows, bedding, sheets, and bed frame.

* Clean up the little guy as best you can, stripping him and the bed down, then sit the poor duffer in front of the toilet (you know, to be safe) while you track down a hamper for all the soiled laundry. Shudders and dry heaves when some chunks land on your toes and you notice the leg of your pajama pants is completely wet. Wiping down the bed frame, you hear the ralph sound again; abandon that chore to comfort your baby and wipe his little face.

* Bedtime is now on hiatus. Look at the clock, its is just past one a.m. With a sigh (because you know how this is all going to play out, having been here many times before) you collect fresh bedding and pillows for your little one and make a nice little nest on the couch for him. Grab a pillow and blanket for yourself because you'll be joining him. Turn on a cartoon, grab a puke bucket, towel, and a glass of water, and settle in for the next two hours of hell.

* Frantic dash back to the laundry hamper, sorting out the worst of it; dunk those items in the toilet to loosen the chunks. Take the laundry downstairs and run that load, not noticing that one pillow has a slight rip. (An hour later, about to transfer to the dryer, you see that the entire washing machine is filled with puffy heaps of fluff. Oh for fricks sake!!)

* After four more good hard pukes, the little guy's "tummick" is completely empty but the heaves are still there, meaning all the sips of water you've forced on him in between are now on evac. After an hour of vomit, he is now expelling foam, mixed with yellowish bile. Not even enough energy to sit up, he turns his head to the side and heaves onto the towel you had the foresight to lay over his pillow. Finally, around 2:30am he falls into a deeply exhausted hard sleep. You curl up on the other couch, making sure your cellphone alarm is nearby. (After all, life doesn't halt just because you want it to.)

* Hubby's morning routine rudely awakens you around 5:45am. Thankfully baby is still out, but so is your hope for being able to fall back asleep. The weather channels says its -33 outside, -39 with wind chill. Surely the buses will be cancelled for today, right? Right?

* By 7am, with still no reported bus cancellations for your school district (though every other one has been granted that boon), you make the executive decision to keep the kids home. But it looks like the appointment made yesterday to get your tire's slow leak fixed will be rescheduled -- this is going to be a long day.

* Around 9am the little one wakes up. He immediately chugs a glass of water, despite your warnings to "drink slow!". There's that ten-minute period where you follow him around with the puke bucket but it looks to be okay. Phew! He says he has to go pee and goes into the bathroom.

* A few minutes later, your daughter comes to you, "Uh, mom, you need to deal with this." With dread you open the bathroom door, expecting anything. Oh holy mother of god. We have now entered Phase Two of The Sickness: The Diarrhea. On the toilet seat. On the floor. On the side of the tub. And your poor baby is standing there, no pants, looking sad and wretched and guilty. "Its okay, baby" you croon as you run a bath. Get him settled in, then attack the bathroom with disinfectant wipes. So what that you used the entire container.

* With that done and over, your little one assures you he feels up to a bit of yogurt and juice, yay! While you're setting that up, your daughter needs to use the toilet. "Uh, mom...." And here she has contracted The Diarrhea as well.

And so concludes Part One...

Hey, you got something on your... oh, nevermind

So lucky, lucky me. Had to be in Eckville by 8:45 for Ardan's 9:15am game, driving on those hellish slippery roads, and to add insult to injury, I have a big old red zit on my nose.

Damn AcneFree not doing its job!

Why today of all days? If I'd gotten it a couple days before it would at least be faded enough to cover with makeup. But noooooo. The makeup I slathered on just made it worse, like 'Look at me! This poor bitch thinks she can get rid of me but I am red and angry!'

So just call me Rudolph the Red-fuckin-Nosed Reindeer!

Top 10 Back-burner Housechores



Back-burner as in those little chores you put off doing because they're both low-priority, yet time-consuming. AND they are literally back-burning. The chores that you tell yourself you'll get around to doing 'some day'. I'm sure you know which ones I mean, but here's MY Top 10. And oh, by the way, I feel I have to mention this since there was some horrified speculation last time I did a similar Top 10 -- these pics are just random pics generated from google, NOT real actual pics of my house. Got it???

1. The Back-Splash


2. Under the Sink


3. The Ceiling Fan


4. Baseboards


5. The Oven Vent


6. Light switches


7. Curtains


8. The Filing Cabinet/Paperwork


9. The Junk Drawer


10. Organizing the DVDs, CDs, video games

Health Matters: Skin Edition by Dr Jessica Wu

Rejuvenate Your Skin With Retinoids
Sun damage, fine lines, and wrinkles can sometimes be treated best with retinoids. Here's how to find a retinoid treatment that addresses your skin's needs.

What are retinoids, and why should you care about them? Retinoids are a class of ingredients that were originally developed to treat acne in the 1960s. More recently, they’ve been shown to be effective at treating signs of aging and sun damage. In fact, there are only two prescription ingredients that are approved by the FDA for treating fine wrinkles, roughness, and the blotchy pigmentation associated with photodamage (sun damage). Both are retinoids: tretinoin (the active ingredient in Retin-A, Renova, and generic creams) and tazarotene (brand name Tazorac). Here’s how to figure out which one suits your needs:

If you have sun damage: Ask your doctor if either tretinoin or tazarotene would be right for you. Tretinoin has been shown to soften fine lines by slowing the breakdown of collagen in your skin and stimulating the production of new collagen. In addition, tretinoin has been shown to fade dark discoloration and blotchy pigmentation. Tazarotene typically works faster than tretinoin, but after a few months its results are similar. However, for some people it’s more irritating than tretinoin. I often recommend that patients start a retinoid two or three times a week and then gradually working up to every night, as tolerated.



If you have fine lines and wrinkles around the eyes: Consider asking your doctor about tretinoin of a milder strength, such as Renova, which comes in a moisturizing base. Many of my patients are worried that the retinoid with make their skin thinner. In fact, with proper use, retinoids have been proven to make the skin thicker and plumper.


If you’re new to retinoids or if you have sensitive skin: Try an over-the-counter retinol product, like Olay ProX Deep Wrinkle Treatment ($17) or RoC Retinol Correxion ($11). Retinol is converted into tretinoin in the skin, though it’s only about 1/20 the strength of the tretinoin in Retin-A. However, because it’s less irritating than prescription products, it’s a good place to start.


Facial Masks for Different Skin Types
If a crazy schedule has derailed your skin care routine, try a facial mask to get your skin back on track. Masks contain a higher concentration of active ingredients, so you may see results faster than you would with a cream alone. Set aside 10 minutes a week to bring dull, tired, angry skin back to life — and take a well-deserved catnap at the same time. (Just make sure you warn your spouse or roommate before applying the mask so you don't scare him or her!) Here's how to choose a mask that will work best for your skin type:

For oily skin and skin with blemishes and large pores: look for ingredients like kaolin clay and silica, which absorb oil and reduce shine. Kaolin also helps calm breakouts by fighting inflammation and redness. Try Clinique's Acne Solutions Oil-Control Cleansing Mask or Neutrogena's Deep Clean Long-Last Shine Control Cleanser/Mask.


If you have dry, flaky patches: look for a hydrating mask with oils and emollient ingredients. Try Origins' Drink Up Intensive Overnight Mask with avocado and apricot kernel oils or Laura Mercier's Intensive Moisture Mask, which contains sweet almond and sunflower seed oils as well as sodium hyaluronate, which helps hold moisture in your skin. For maximum hydration, leave the mask on at least 20 minutes or even overnight.

Those with rosacea and sensitive skin: look for water-based gel masks that contain natural skin soothers like cucumber and aloe. These masks cool your skin as they dry, helping to reduce redness and irritation. For best results, store the mask in the fridge. Try Yes to Cucumbers Calm Care Soothing Facial Mask or Peter Thomas Roth Cucumber Gel Masque.


For anti-aging benefits: look for a mask that contains collagen-building retinol — try Shiseido's Benefiance Pure Retinol Intensive Revitalizing Face Mask.



Get Clear Pores: 3 Simple Ways to Banish Blackheads
Sometimes no matter how diligent you are about washing your face every day, blackheads can rear their ugly heads, especially on and around the nose. Clogged pores are often to blame. Pores are openings to oil glands, which are concentrated on the nose, chin, and forehead (often called the T zone). When the oil, or sebum, gets trapped inside the pores and then comes into contact with the air, it turns dark, creating blackheads. Dead skin cells also get trapped in the pores and build up, eventually stretching out the pores and making them look huge. While it’s difficult to shrink pores permanently, here is what you can do to help minimize blackheads:
 
1. Be sure to exfoliate to help keep pores from getting clogged. If your skin is very oily, try Neutrogena Pink Grapefruit Foaming Scrub, which contains salicylic acid to unclog pores. If you have sensitive skin, try Alba Hawaiian Pineapple Enzyme Facial Scrub or Kiehl's Pineapple Papaya Facial Scrub, which contain natural fruit enzymes to gently loosen dead skin cells. Avoid scrubbing if your skin is irritated or sunburned.

2. Try Bioré Ultra Deep Cleansing Pore Strips to temporarily remove surface oil and dirt from your pores. Wet your skin and place a strip on your nose until it dries (about 15 minutes), then peel it off. You'll be able to see tiny plugs of dead skin that have come off on the tape. While these can help temporarily, don’t use them more than once or twice a week or if you’re using a retinoid or have sensitive skin, because overuse can lead to irritated skin.

3. A primer (either under makeup or on its own) can help blackheads look smaller by smoothing out the surface of your skin and soaking up oil. Try Philosophy's On a Clear Day Acne Clarifying Primer, which also contains salicylic acid.




Eating for Clear Skin
You know how your mother used to nag you to stop eating french fries and cookies because they'd make you break out? Well, she may have been onto something.

It's not that greasy food makes your skin produce more oil but that certain foods — especially simple carbohydrates, such as potatoes, cookies, and bread — raise your blood sugar. When blood sugar rises, your body produces insulin, which has several effects, one of which is to stimulate your skin's oil glands. Several studies have shown that a diet high in these types of foods can aggravate acne.


And it's not just carbs. Dairy products, including milk, have also been associated with breakouts because they contain hormones that affect pores and oil glands, leading to pimples and acne cysts. Some of my patients notice worse breakouts just three days after they binge on dairy, sugar, or baked goods. As a dermatologist, I recommend limiting the amount of simple carbs and dairy in your diet.

Just remember that if you're cutting down on dairy, you must make sure that you're getting adequate calcium from other sources. My favorite skin-friendly snacks are Kashi GOLEAN Crunchy! Bars (approximately $1.72 each, or $18.44 for a 12-pack at select supermarkets, natural food stores, or kashi.com). They contain fiber and protein, but they're dairy-free, and the carbohydrates are released slowly into your bloodstream to minimize spikes in blood sugar that can aggravate acne. Best of all, they taste like Rice Krispies bars!



How Can I Erase Acne Scars?
There are several ways to improve the appearance of your acne scars, depending on their color, texture, and size. Dark, discolored acne scars can be lightened with prescription-strength fading creams, such as Tri-Luma and EpiQuin Micro. These are especially helpful in individuals with darker skin tones, who, because they have more melanin in their skin, are more likely to develop dark blemishes even after their pimples heal, a condition called postinflammatory hyperpigmentation. If the fading creams don't lighten the scars, a dermatologist can perform a chemical peel to help even out the skin tone.

If your scars have left you with uneven skin texture, new devices such as the Affirm and Fraxel lasers can help smooth the skin's surface. These minimally invasive lasers can reduce shallow scars, and treatment necessitates only a few days of recovery time.


Depressed scars can also be treated with "fillers," such as Restylane, Juvederm, and CosmoPlast, which are injected underneath the skin to lift up the scar's surface. While these treatments require little to no recovery time, they generally wear off in four to six months and must be repeated to maintain the results.

Deep or extensive scarring may require more invasive procedures, such as carbon dioxide resurfacing lasers or dermabrasion. Because these treatments are more aggressive and remove several layers of skin, they require a minimum of two to three weeks of recovery time. There is a risk of persistent redness and discoloration, which can last several months, depending on the area treated and your skin type.

Very large or deep acne pits may require a visit to a plastic surgeon who performs scar revision. In this type of surgery, the scars are cut out and the healthy skin is sewn back together to allow the area to heal more smoothly.


If you take Accutane or other forms of isotretinoin for your acne, it's important to discontinue use and wait at least six months to a year before undergoing any invasive procedures. Such drugs can impair the skin's ability to heal properly and may lead to more scarring. I would recommend a visit to a dermatologist or plastic surgeon, who can evaluate your scars and recommend the best treatment for your skin type.


Skin-Soothing Cocktails
(a summer article but liquor is timeless, right? lol)

Sangria
Perhaps the most celebratory drink of backyard parties and outdoor dining, sangria is also one of the healthiest alcoholic beverages you can order. Wine is packed with flavonoids and resveratrol, antioxidants that have antiaging effects — they help prevent and reduce the damage of "free radicals" on the skin. You also reap the health benefits of the fruit you choose to use! While red wine does have a higher antioxidant content, white also has these properties, and it's a lighter option for summer nights (or days … we won't judge). A rule of thumb for selecting fruit: Go with cool colors for white wine (green apples, green grapes, oranges, and pineapples) and warm for red wine (red apples, red grapes, raspberries, and strawberries). Slice fruit into a pitcher, add wine, and refrigerate overnight — the longer it marinates, the stronger the fruit flavor!


Mango Mojito
Few things are as refreshing as a crisp, minty mojito on a hot summer day. The cocktail already has low-calorie benefits, so why not up the health factor and make it with mangoes? The fruit is loaded with beta-carotene, an antioxidant (and a form of vitamin A) that protects skin from sun damage and is essential to soft, healthy skin. It also has doses of vitamins A, C and E, which keep the skin firm and glowing and help reduce acne scarring. Start by squeezing half a lime into a glass, add mint, and crush. Add 2 tablespoons of simple syrup, 3 tablespoons rum, 1 tablespoon mango nectar, and top with club soda. For even more vitamin A, add in a few slices of fresh mango and eat them when you're done! (Note: The health benefits of this cocktail are best reaped at home. If you order it out, chances are they will use mango rum, which does not have the beta-carotene.)

Bloody Mary
If you're a fan of Bloody Marys, you'll be happy to know that your skin is too. The perfect accent to a Sunday brunch, this drink's tomato juice base is filled with lycopene, an antioxidant that keeps skin looking younger by protecting it from sun damage (it blocks UV light), fighting free radicals, and preserving healthy skin cells. Add two parts tomato juice, one part vodka, and ½ oz. lemon juice to a glass of ice. Mix in a dash of Worcestershire sauce, celery salt, and ground pepper, and garnish with a celery stick and a lime wedge. If you're suffering from rosacea, Dr. Jessica Wu suggests avoiding triggers like alcohol and spicy foods, which render the Bloody Mary a one-two punch. Drink at your own risk — especially if you're piling on the Tabasco.

Green Tea Martini
You most likely know that green tea boasts many health benefits — among them better skin. The catechins in green tea help to rejuvenate skin cells, protect against skin cancer, and soothe acne. What you probably didn't know is that green tea can be consumed as a scrumptious cocktail. For a refreshing (and skin boosting!) summer drink, add green tea, vodka, and simple syrup to a shaker of ice. Shake and strain into a cocktail glass. Add an extra summer kick with orange and lime wedges, which enhance the flavor of the tea and bring in a few extra vitamins!

H20 Spritzer
Okay, so we're cheating a little on this one. But let's face it: Water is the number- one drink when it comes to your skin. We all know that hydration (which is so important during the sweltering heat of summer!) flushes toxins from our body and reduces under- eye circles, resulting in a radiant, glowing complexion. What we fail to recognize is that consuming your recommended 8 glasses doesn't have to be a chore. Turn your water into a fun, fruity beverage that tastes yummy and keeps your skin bright and youthful. Pick your favorite fruit (lemons, limes, apples, and oranges all work great) and herbs (mint is an obvious choice, but basil can work wonders too!), slice them up, and let them soak in a pitcher of ice water overnight. In the morning you'll have water infused with a hint of the fruit or herb of your choice. We also love the idea of adding berries to seltzer or sparkling water. Crush a handful of raspberries, blueberries, and strawberries at the bottom of a glass, add some crushed ice, and top with carbonated water. The fizz reminds us of a fun carbonated cocktail (minus the alcohol and calories), and it couldn't be more refreshing on a hot summer day.


And now for my own tidbit of advice...
Polysporin on pimples, it works! Of course, you have to pop the sucker first (screw those dermatologists with their "don't pop!" warnings). But then just dab a bit of Poly on, the antibacterial ingredients prevent it from reforming and the healing agents soothe redness and reduce scarring.

Happy Birthday, Ryderman!

I was informed by my little man that because he is now three, I can no longer call him my "baby", he is a "BIG boy!". I politely asked if it would be okay if I called him my 'little' boy, because his brothers are technically the 'big' boys. He pondered it for a while in all seriousness, then graciously allowed me that small concession. And so it was just another bittersweet moment in the span of motherhood.

But anyway, yes, my little boy is now a three year old, full of rowdy rambunction, sweet hugs and kisses (that he still allows and gives freely), and all the shits and giggles on a daily basis that I've come to expect with Mr. Ryderman. (Emphasis on the 'shits' on some days, the things that boy gets into!)

Here are some pics from his happy day... (you may have seen some already but I added some new ones, too)

Just... UGH.

I love my boys, I really do. You know I do. But sometimes...  I tell ya, that old family threat of "I'm going to sell you to the Indians!" (or was it gypsies?) really sounds good.

There is a certain behaviour that children exhibit, more specifically - MALE children, that just makes me want to SCREAM!! And I can't even say that they grow out of it because my youngest brother is a perfect example (and Amber, I know you know what I'm talking about). He still continues to do it to this day, and he flat out admits to doing it!

WIPING SNOT ON THE WALL.

I'm about done, people. DONE. For some strange reason I was in a cleaning mode this morning, took a microfiber cloth to the china cabinet, baseboards, shelves, etc. And then I thought, 'Hmm, might as well do a couple of walls while I'm at it.' Bad idea. Bad, bad idea.

You know, it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't such a blatant, obvious display of "I-know-this-is-wrong-and-gross-but-I'm-still-going-to-do-it". You don't accidentally wipe snot on the wall. Doesn't happen that way. And if I've told them once, I've told them a thousand times: WIPE IT ON YOUR DAMN SHIRT.

Which may horrify and disgust you but think about it. That way, you never have to see it, never have to touch it, you don't even know its there. The shirt goes into the wash, comes out clean. Easy. Done.

On the frickin' wall? Try getting that stuff off with just a cloth, I dare you. Its impossible. No, you have to wrap a cloth around your finger and then SCRAPE with your fingernail. And the entire time, your brain is stuck on repeat: This is snot. This is snot. Dried, hardened snot. This is snot.

And also, its frickin' embarrassing! Try explaining THAT to guests when they come over. "Oh, don't mind that. Just leftovers from last month's cold. Sorry you leaned against it, though."

And another thing... it also wouldn't be so bad if it was just one or two snots on the wall. But I counted six! And that was just on one wall, in one general area! Not even the entire wall! If I did the math (which will probably come out wrong, I don't claim to be Einstein), that small area was about 1/6th the size of the whole wall. So multiply that by 6, you're looking at at least 36 snots! Just on the one wall! I have like a billion walls in this house!

What the hell is wrong with my children? No, seriously. Levi, maybe you can explain to us in the comments the mindset of a snot-wiper. Is it just habit, or a deeper compulsion? Like, 'you didn't buy me the video game I wanted so ha-HA!'

I don't get it.

But I tell ya, I'm about at the point with those boys that I'm going to threaten that they have to scrape those snots off with their TEETH, every last one. And when I have them utterly believing, crying and begging, promising on the birth of their firstborn that they will never, EVER snot-wipe again... then, I will hand them the putty knife.

I need a cigarette.

Addicted to Status Updates

Is it just me or does this chick look like Gwen Stefani?

BeauSaxon Kasha...

was told by Gramma DD that I've lost weight in my bust. "Actually Gramma, I'm just not wearing my push-up bra today. But thanks." I guess flat boobs = losing weight.

has a nose stud that apparently thinks its in jail, keeps trying to escape my nostril. I find myself having to check it every five minutes and once again, its sliding halfway out. Get back in your cell, damn you!

has a new obsession: The Walking Dead tv show. Soooo good! Of course, its about zombies, just what it sounds like. The downside is the guaranteed nightmares that follow every episode.

has lost her Adam Lambert cd and as a result is now being forced to listen to "Toddler Tunes" turned full blast. Double the horror! So I've got two little ones out in the kitchen, singing along in innocent joy while I'm frantically trying to find the ear plugs. "Oh dear, what can the matter be... Oh dear, what can the matter be..." The matter is that my eardrums are bleeding!

was told by her two oldest boys last night, upon returning from Mom's house where No.2 & 3 got to play the new XBox 360 Kinect, that they would like to take the next week off school and just move in with Gramma, "No offense, Mom". Oh no, I totally get it, boys. In fact, was expecting just such a thing. I only wish I could play the Dance Central game to my heart's content without a snickering audience.

was asked quite politely this morning if I would pleasepleaseplease cook the deer heart today so the guys can eat it tonight. Um, yeah. What do I look like, a frickin' evil stepmother who delights in roasting fresh heart while cackling and twiddling my evil fingers, huddled over a bubbling cauldron? Can you say, "EWW!" But, being the sweet loving wife I am, will be finding myself wrapping that damn organ in bacon and inhaling the traumatizing odor of slow-cooking heart all day long. Damn it! I better be getting some sweet-ass Christmas presents for this.

A Ballad of Laundry Woe

There once was a lady named Beau,
In whose dryer, hot air would not blow.
She tried everything twice,
Said words not very nice,
But aha! The new thermostat got it to go!

Five Question Friday

1. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?

Memory is a strange thing; something that you'd swear was the most physically painful thing to ever happen to you, loses its intensity over time and you think 'Eh, it wasn't that bad'. So with that in mind, the few that stick out in my mind are kinda tied for first place. Getting the tubes and stitches pulled out after my breast reduction surgery, almost fainted that time. In labor with Milena, being told by the nurses that I had to stop the urge to push or she would be strangled to death, and having to keep that urgent need in check for over an hour! I seriously wanted someone to knock me out with a blow to the head or else just cut me open right there in the delivery room and pull her out to safety. After my wisdom tooth surgery, when Ryder bashed his head into that one spot on my jaw, I blacked out for a few seconds and literally saw stars. All these things happened to me as an adult but there is one thing I'll always remember as being physically agonizing, and that is when I was six years old and had my back problem. One of the disks between my vertebrae was dissolving for some mysterious reason, and the vertebrae would rub together with even the slightest movement. I remember one night waking up with the urgent need to pee and not being able to walk to the bathroom, so I dragged/pulled myself along the floor to reach the bathroom, sobbing with pain. My mom must have heard the commotion and came rushing upstairs. She was just devastated. I think up until that point she hadn't taken my sore-back claims seriously, thinking I was just making up excuses not to have to do my chores. Thank God the whole thing was eventually figured out and I healed up.

2. How much sleep do you get at night?
Depends when I go to bed. Usually I fall asleep (that's the key phrase because I can go to bed early but not fall asleep until hours later) around midnight-1am. Sometimes later. Weekdays my alarm is set for 6:45am, weekends (depending on hockey schedules) I get to sleep in a tiny bit later and am up at 7:30am. I'll let you do the math.

3. How long did you believe in Santa Claus? How did you find out that he does not exist?
I honestly can't remember what age I was and the exact moment of horrifying discovery. I do recall being older, maybe 8 or 9 (because I know my brothers were between 4-6 at the time), it was Christmas Eve and we were all sleeping together, so excited and unable to sleep, whispering about what Santa was going to bring us. And suddenly we heard a loud THUMP on the roof, then more thumps and what actually sounded like footsteps! And I remember thinking, "Wow, Dad is really going to a lot of trouble just to keeps us believing in Santa", but then logic kicked in and I realized that Mom would NEVER allow Dad to climb the rickety old ladder and stomp about on a steep icy roof during the middle of the night. So cynicism turned to wonder and in that moment, I really truly believed.



4. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
Toy Story 3 with Milena and Ryder. Lena was invited to a school friend's birthday party that was being held at the theater; parents and siblings were also invited (which was so nice!). That was actually Ryder's first movie in a theatre, he did great and really enjoyed the show, as did I. In fact, the damn stupid movie made me cry, not just once but twice! Pretty embarrassing when Lena noticed and in her overly-loud whisper voice, alerted everyone to the fact, "Mom, are you CRYING?! Why are you CRYING?!"



5. What do you wear to bed?
Depends what mood I'm in. If its a good mood, I have a couple of sexy nighties I really like. If its a bad mood (or else a certain time of the month, and you're welcome for that TMI) then I have a really long black sleeveless dress-type thing that Mom brought back from Mexico for me. Many years ago, I used to sleep in the buff but that ended once I realized that little ones tend to barge in uninvited, pull back the covers and crawl in beside you. Oh, and one time I had a traumatizing dream that the house was on fire and I ended up on the front lawn totally naked with neighbors looking on from their yards. And so ended that phase.

In Memory of many, In Honour of all...

Holocaust Memorial