Santa Baby

For the last two weeks around here, all I've heard from the kids is 'Santa this' and 'Santa that'. They've written letters, cut pictures out of the Sears Wishbook and glued them to their letters, and held deep, serious, spiritual discussions about what Santa eats for breakfast and if he has kids. They've shared memories of visits with Santa at the mall ("I remember being a tiny baby", "Oh yeah, well one time I farted on his lap!" -- uh, no he didn't, showoff).

So we happened to be at Bower Mall today and I thought I'd take the two little ones for a quick little visit. Not a picture because I only had three kids but just a little meet-and-greet. We managed to catch Santa right before his lunch break and, miracle of all miracles, there was NO lineup.

Lena was super-excited, all those weeks of talking and reminiscing and remembering about Santa, and now here he was! Her excitement spurred Ryder's and there went the two of them, racing up the ramp towards SANTA!!!!!

Screeching halt. Both children stopped about five feet away from the old guy and refused to move. The larger-than-life cartoonish vision of St Nick floating in their heads didn't match the reality. (No offence to the very nice Mall Santa, but you know what I mean. Look at him, he's not like the Coca-Cola Santa, is he?).

I said to the camera lady, "Oh, we're just here for a visit, no picture today."

"Oh, but its free picture day!" What now? A free 5x7? Sign me up! So then it was like, "Okay kids, sit on Santa's lap for a picture!" (Even though I was thinking that they weren't 'dressed' for pictures, their hair was a mess, Ardan was in a friggin' skull shirt and hat FPS!)

Hell no, they were not into that. Lena was practically surgically attached to my butt as she hid behind me, and Ryder was looking at Santa like he was an evil clown. He wouldn't even stand next to him.

All of a sudden, Santa leans over and picks Lena right up and lifts her onto his lap! She was shocked out of her shyness by the action, but it worked. Santa reached over to Ryder to do the same (got a bit of a shock when he realized how heavy that kid is, haha). Only Ryder didn't sit on his knee all meek and mild, no he started screaming "AR-NAN! AR-NAN!", reaching desperately for his big brother to save him from the fat old creepy bearded guy. Ardan, being the awesome older brother he is, immediately came and sat beside him and reassured him, "Its okay buddy, its Santa!"

Snap went the camera, the two little ones jumped off Santa's lap like it was on fire and ran down the ramp 'to safety'. A couple minutes later our free pic was ready and away we went.

Mentally scarring my kids for the sake of a free photo = priceless.

Okay, I sat nicely on his knee for the picture, now GET ME OUTTA HERE! (Look how he's clutching Ardan with one hand and grabbing Lena's hand with the other, while his eyes beseech the photographer 'SAVE ME!')