Its weird, my dreams are either totally forgettable or else so strange and intense and emotional that I always remember every detail. I can recall three or four specific nightmare-type dreams from my childhood; one about skeletons, one where I was kidnapped, another where I had to choose which brother would be saved. Each one was traumatizing in its own way.
You never remember the really great dreams, do you? At least, I don't. Good dreams are common -- you win the lottery, make out with a man from your List, a vacation paradise. But bad dreams, really bad dreams, stay with a person, deep in your psyche. And its kind of funny, as an adult remembering childhood nightmares you think to yourself, 'Why was I so afraid of that?' I mean, skeletons, really? But to my four-year-old-self, running frantically through a winding path in a deep, dark, dense forest that had grinning skeletons dangling from nooses in the trees, those skeletons were the most terrifying thing ever. I remember the sheer terror I felt. I guess that is what really sticks with me, the terror. Feeling helpless and in mortal danger.
In the kidnapping nightmare, I was in the backseat of a car. My mom ran into the store to get something and a stranger jumped in and just started driving away, with me still in there. I remember I turned to look out the back window and saw my mom pressed to the glass inside the store, screaming and banging her fists.
The nightmare about my brothers was probably the first one I ever had where I was crying in real life as well as in the dream, and the sound of my own cries was what woke me. For hours afterward, I could only lie in bed shivering and shuddering, reliving the nightmare over and over, agonizing over every dream-decision made, if I could have changed the outcome by making another choice. Even though the dream was over. Even though it wasn't even real! I prayed and prayed that the dream wasn't some kind of portent for the future, like a warning of some sort to be vigilant and aware.
I always do that with dreams, over-analyze and pick it apart. Is it some hidden fear or repressed memory; maybe it IS some sort of sign and if so, what does it mean (I'm feeling some Double Rainbow there, lol); is it a warning of some sort or a glimpse of the future. And then I think I'm probably assigning it too much importance, its most likely just some mental thought bubble that worked its way to the surface, ha.
The memorable nightmares I've had as an adult have mostly revolved around a death in my family, usually one of my children but once where I lost Tyler. There was another one, the most recent from just last month, where I was the victim of a brutal rape and beating and I lost my memory and experienced bizarre and cruel personality changes. THAT one was freaky. It was like I was two people, the sane normal me I am now, and this other crazy mean person, and the sane me was conscious throughout and just couldn't understand how I could be like that.
Of course, there's the incredibly emotional and meaningful dreams I've had that have stayed with me for very different reasons. These ones leave me feeling mentally, emotionally and spiritually refreshed, if that's the right word. As if the depths of emotions, the utter lows and dizzying highs, sadness and joy, grief and peace, have affected to cleanse me of all those harbored feelings.
Which points to the reason behind my analyzing, I guess. How could something that affects me so intensely, whether its through terror or elation, be something so simple as a random brain impulse? Dreams MUST mean something.
What are your thoughts on the matter?
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