Christmas Countdown: 16 sleeps!

Christmas Countdown: 17 sleeps!

Christmas Countdown: 19 sleeps!

Christmas Countdown: 21 sleeps!

Christmas Countdown: 22 sleeps!

I'm doing it a little different this year, going to be posting my favorite video clips from my favorite Christmas movies, specials, tv shows, etc. And since I missed posting for Dec 1st and 2nd, I'm putting up 3 today.

This is Halloween!

Its that time of year again...! Out come the Halloween boxes, the kids get so excited looking through everything and putting all the decorations up. And of course, watching our favorite Halloween movies and tv specials.


(Ryder prefers the Marilyn Manson version of this song, which is why I used this clip.)


(This was Gunnar's absolute favorite movie, of all time, when he was around Ryder's age - maybe even a bit younger. To this day he enjoys watching it, as do the rest of us.)


(One of my favorite parts of the movie, "C'mon down, we'll...*slap, slap*... chewww on a dawg!")

Five Question Friday

1. What movie could you watch over and over again and not get tired of?

I have a few movies like that: The Prophesy, Lord of the Rings trilogy, Princess Bride, Elf, Old School ("We're going STREAKINGGGG!"), Dirty Dancing, Despicable Me. I know there's more but I've got a slight hangover this morning and can't think of their names.

2. What's your biggest pet peeve right now?
People that forget how to drive in winter conditions. You know, the ones who wait too long to slow down at red lights and stop signs and end up skidding to a stop a little too close to your back bumper. They drive too fast (or too slow!). They put on the fog lights in addition to their daylights so you're blinded when they drive past. They think that because they have 4x4 that they're invincible. Those ones.

3. If you had to describe your best friend in five words or less, what would you say?
Funny, caring, loyal, strong, beautiful.

4. If you did not have to worry about money or go to school what would you do for a living?

Own a toy store that only sells 'gently-used' toys for low-income families, similar to the idea of Once Upon a Child but for toys. Its an idea that's been in the back of my head for a couple years now. One Christmas while toy shopping at Toys R Us I overheard a mom talking to her older child (who obviously knew the deal about Santa) that they could only afford to get each child one new toy for Christmas so they had to really look at everything and try to find something on sale. It just broke my heart. And I thought, Wouldn't it be great to have a place where parents could buy FIVE used toys for the price of one new? People could donate gently-used toys or exchange them for store credit. I know there's been many times that I clear out the kids unused toys and I have no idea what to do with them, so they usually end up going to Value Village. Last Christmas money was tight and I ended up getting Ryder several used toys from Value Village and you know what? He was thrilled! He didn't even notice that they didn't come new in boxes or packaging. So that would be what I would do.

5. What is your one "splurge" item, that you will always buy, no matter the cost?
Makeup and books. Whenever a new makeup product comes on the market, if I really want it I get it. Like the LipStain & Balm, and GrowLuscious mascara. Had to have. Also, books. My two favorite authors each have a series of books that they add a new book to 1-2 times a year (Gena Showalter's Lords of the Underworld and Kresley Cole's Immortals After Dark) and you will usually find me at Chapter's on the book release day, standing in line with that book in my hot little hands, anxious to get home and dive in. Kresley's newest IAD book comes out Feb.15 and I'm so excited I can barely stand it!!!! Here's an excerpt from that book, Dreams of a Dark Warrior, Regin's story.

Can't believe I forgot!

After all the hype and build-up, and here I went and forgot the very last Christmas Countdown! OFPS!!

So here it is, Christmas Countdown: Merry Christmas!!

Five Question Friday

1. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you?

Memory is a strange thing; something that you'd swear was the most physically painful thing to ever happen to you, loses its intensity over time and you think 'Eh, it wasn't that bad'. So with that in mind, the few that stick out in my mind are kinda tied for first place. Getting the tubes and stitches pulled out after my breast reduction surgery, almost fainted that time. In labor with Milena, being told by the nurses that I had to stop the urge to push or she would be strangled to death, and having to keep that urgent need in check for over an hour! I seriously wanted someone to knock me out with a blow to the head or else just cut me open right there in the delivery room and pull her out to safety. After my wisdom tooth surgery, when Ryder bashed his head into that one spot on my jaw, I blacked out for a few seconds and literally saw stars. All these things happened to me as an adult but there is one thing I'll always remember as being physically agonizing, and that is when I was six years old and had my back problem. One of the disks between my vertebrae was dissolving for some mysterious reason, and the vertebrae would rub together with even the slightest movement. I remember one night waking up with the urgent need to pee and not being able to walk to the bathroom, so I dragged/pulled myself along the floor to reach the bathroom, sobbing with pain. My mom must have heard the commotion and came rushing upstairs. She was just devastated. I think up until that point she hadn't taken my sore-back claims seriously, thinking I was just making up excuses not to have to do my chores. Thank God the whole thing was eventually figured out and I healed up.

2. How much sleep do you get at night?
Depends when I go to bed. Usually I fall asleep (that's the key phrase because I can go to bed early but not fall asleep until hours later) around midnight-1am. Sometimes later. Weekdays my alarm is set for 6:45am, weekends (depending on hockey schedules) I get to sleep in a tiny bit later and am up at 7:30am. I'll let you do the math.

3. How long did you believe in Santa Claus? How did you find out that he does not exist?
I honestly can't remember what age I was and the exact moment of horrifying discovery. I do recall being older, maybe 8 or 9 (because I know my brothers were between 4-6 at the time), it was Christmas Eve and we were all sleeping together, so excited and unable to sleep, whispering about what Santa was going to bring us. And suddenly we heard a loud THUMP on the roof, then more thumps and what actually sounded like footsteps! And I remember thinking, "Wow, Dad is really going to a lot of trouble just to keeps us believing in Santa", but then logic kicked in and I realized that Mom would NEVER allow Dad to climb the rickety old ladder and stomp about on a steep icy roof during the middle of the night. So cynicism turned to wonder and in that moment, I really truly believed.



4. What was the last movie you saw in a theater?
Toy Story 3 with Milena and Ryder. Lena was invited to a school friend's birthday party that was being held at the theater; parents and siblings were also invited (which was so nice!). That was actually Ryder's first movie in a theatre, he did great and really enjoyed the show, as did I. In fact, the damn stupid movie made me cry, not just once but twice! Pretty embarrassing when Lena noticed and in her overly-loud whisper voice, alerted everyone to the fact, "Mom, are you CRYING?! Why are you CRYING?!"



5. What do you wear to bed?
Depends what mood I'm in. If its a good mood, I have a couple of sexy nighties I really like. If its a bad mood (or else a certain time of the month, and you're welcome for that TMI) then I have a really long black sleeveless dress-type thing that Mom brought back from Mexico for me. Many years ago, I used to sleep in the buff but that ended once I realized that little ones tend to barge in uninvited, pull back the covers and crawl in beside you. Oh, and one time I had a traumatizing dream that the house was on fire and I ended up on the front lawn totally naked with neighbors looking on from their yards. And so ended that phase.

Remember my obsession with this?

I was watching The 40 Year Old Virgin tonight (great movie!) and I'd totally forgotten that at the very end, there's an Age of Aquarius/Let the Sunshine In musical number by the cast! So of course, this reminded me of my HUGE obsession with the movie/musical Hair. Had to search youtube for the clip I wanted, and here it is!

LOVE IT!!



I could watch this all day. Seriously. Yes, I'm a dork.

"Stupid movie!" sniff, sniff

We took the kids to see a movie yesterday at the Carnival theater, Toy Story 3. It was kind of a big deal for the family, we never go to the movie theater, mainly for the reason that we're leery of how Ryder will act. But a few months ago, Ardan was invited to a friend's bday party at the Silver Lake Cinema to see Shrek 4, and siblings were invited as well. And Ryder did really well during that movie, stayed in his seat the entire time, eyes glued to the screen as he happily munched on popcorn. So I was pretty sure he'd do well at this movie. And other than a few seat-switching moments and one super-annoying frantic trip to the potty where nothing came out, he was fine.

No, what this post is about, is ME.

So there we were, 3/4 of the way through the movie. Through a series of hair-raising events, the toys had ended up at the city dump, where they'd escaped the dump version of a wood-chipper, only to find themselves utterly hopeless as they neared the lava-like incinerator. Realizing that this was it, no way out or hope for escape, the toys all clasped hands and gazed meaningfully at each other. It was a super-emotional moment and the entire theater was silent.

Little Lena chose that moment to glance at me, and in her high-pitched, too-loud-for-the-situation voice, piped up, "Mom, why are you CRYING!??"

I could feel the parents around us swivelling in their seats to look at me. Talk about mortifying.

So needless to say, the toys are saved by a last-minute rescue ("The CLAW!"- and that's all I'll say about it), the movie ended happily, though tearfully, yet again, as Andy makes the momentous decision to pass along his 'best friend Woody' to another child. And there I was, again, trying to hide my tears and eye-wiping. Lena knew though, but at least she restrained herself and only shook her head at me.

'Just you wait', I thought as we left the theater, 'I'm going to find the most heart-wrenching, tear-jerking movie and make you kids watch it, then I'm going to examine your faces and the moment I spot a tear, "A-HA!" with the finger-pointing. "I'm not the only one!"'

Stupid movie!

The little dickens

I'm sitting on the couch with Ryder tonight and he turns to me, pulls down my shirt, showing my bra, and says, "Hell-oh." Gunnar is on the other couch and he sees this, snorts and quickly looks away. Probably traumatized at seeing his mom's busoms (right, Trapper? heh). Then little Ryder shoves his hand down my shirt, curls it around the bottom curve of my breast, then lightly rubs my stomach. I'm shaking with laughter at this point, and squeak out, "What's down there?" And the little brat fires back, quick as a whip, "Spiderwebs!" (Of course, the average person would've heard this as 'biderebb' so I provided translation there, lol)

Immediately made me think of this scene... (and doesn't this bring back memories, Christine?)

The ultimate twist ending

Hubs and I were flipping through the channels late last night and came across an old movie that us Simcoes have always held dear: Easy Rider. Its not that we especially loved that movie in particular, or the actors were our favorites (although you can't get much better than Dennis Hopper, Peter Fonda and Jack Nicholson). Its mostly because my parents were bikers, back in the day, and that is the quintessential, ultimate 'biker' movie. Heck, they named a biker magazine after it!

So when I saw that it was on, I made Tyler leave it there and watch it with me. We missed the first half of the movie, coming across it when it was at the part where they've picked up the hitchhiker, Jack Nicholson, and they're all around the campfire and Jack smokes a joint for the first time. He goes off on this tangent about aliens and how they live among us and the government knows all about it but doesn't tell us because it will "shock our antiquated beliefs". Such a classic scene.

I told Hubs about the one part later on in the movie where the guys drop acid with some chicks in a cemetery, and how trippy it gets. Man, that's a great movie.

So its nearing the end, I can tell by how long the movie's been on, and in one scene it shows the guys riding their bikes down a long country road. A truck with two rednecks drives by, they start lipping off the bikers, and suddenly the one hick pulls out a shotgun and blasts Dennis Hopper away!! What the....? I didn't remember that happening! The bike goes flying into the ditch, Dennis is laying there all bloody, shot in the gut. Peter Fonda whips his bike around and runs to him, telling him he'll go for help, then he gets on his bike and races away. Meanwhile, the rednecks had turned their truck around and as Peter nears them, riding hell-bent for help, the guy raises the gun again and shoots Peter Fonda! The camera pans away to show the bike in the ditch, exploding and on fire. The truck drives away and the camera keeps pulling back, an aerial view from the sky, two wrecked bikes in the ditch, bodies laying beside them.

What... the... HELL?!? I did NOT remember all that happening! What a way to end the movie! Oh, I was so mad. I was yelling at the tv screen, "You stupid rednecks! F*** you! Who the hell do you think you are!? Stupid pigs!" Ty was like, Babe, calm down, its just a movie. Just a movie? Hey, my dad was a biker! He went on road trips all the time with his biker buddies. This could've happened to him! Some redneck hillbilly a-hole could have done this to him! Holy crap, I was so pissed off.

I'd always thought that movie ended with them riding off into the sunset. It was like, "I've invested like an hour watching this movie, getting to know and love the characters, and this is how it ends? With them getting blown away?" I felt so betrayed.

Talk about your twist ending! M Night Shymalan could learn a thing or two from watching this. That film director was ahead of his time, for sure. The Sixth Sense ending has nothing on Easy Rider's. Ugh.

Nightmares for life

I made a HUGE mistake last night... I watched a documentary on UFOs and aliens. Which resulted in a horrible nightmare that Tyler was actually an alien, kind of a Mothman-like creature, and he would turn into an insect-thing when noone was looking. Pretty traumatizing, but at least it gave me "inspiration" for this post.

Remember those horror movies from your childhood that scarred you for life? At the time, you probably wanted to prove to your parents or friends that you weren't a "baby", you were "tough", you wouldn't be scared. Then you had to hide the fact that you were pants-pissing terrified. That, or you ran screaming from the room and hid under the blankets in your parent's bed. (Trapper and I did that after our parents let us watch a certain Stephen King movie, thanks Mom and Dad! I'm sure you two were giggling about it as Trap and I cried in your bed!)

Its kind of funny that I can get so traumatized from certain horror flicks, and yet Tyler and I have the entire Stephen King DVD collection. There's definitely been some movies that, as an adult, have given me horrific-ly realistic nightmares, so I'll include those on the list as well. Hope you have a diaper on folks, 'cause you're about to be scared shitless... (lol)

We'll start with horror movies that changed my childhood, and not in a good way...


PET SEMATARY
Trapper and I thought we were tough, we thought we could handle it... we thought WRONG! At first, we were okay, the movie didn't seem that bad. But once things started happening, it became a test of endurance. If we showed our terror, the parents would never let us watch scary movies again. When the scene with the dead guy came on (the picture to the left there), we were DONE. Ran screaming and crying from the room to the only 'safe' place we could think of - Mom and Dad's bed. Which, at the time, was a waterbed.
"Shhhhh Trapper, be quiet, don't move, I think I hear that dead guy coming up the stairs!"
"Ohmygod, I think he's in the room with us!"
"Quit moving, you're making the covers shake, he'll see us!"
"Beau, I think I feel him crawling on the bed, its shaking and moving! Wwwaaaaaaaaa!!!"
"MOOOMMMMMMM!!! DAAADDDDDDD!"
To make matters worse, our terror was so immediate and obvious, that we provided our little brother Levi with excellent blackmail material. He must have been THRILLED to be able to get back at us for all the mean things we did to him. All he'd have to say is "Pet Sematary, Pet Sematary" over and over in a creepy sing-song voice, and we'd promise to do anything as long as he'd stop saying that!! I think it was at least two years before those words lost the power to induce nightmares.


IT
An evil clown that's actually a monstrously huge spider-thing that eats kids? I'm surprised children of the world can stand to eat at McDonald's, seeing that their mascot is a frickin' CLOWN!!! Coulrophobia is an abnormal or exaggerated fear of clowns, and I'm pretty sure this psychosis never existed until that movie came out. When someone says the word 'clown', can you honestly say that THIS isn't the image that comes to mind?



CHILD'S PLAY
I was in elementary school when this movie came out and I can remember my friends talking about cool and funny and scary it was. It was all anyone ever talked about. I suffered from nightmares for almost a month, where the Howdy Doody-looking doll would chase me around the house with a knife. Here's the funny part though: I'd never even seen it! (It wasn't til many years later that I could bring myself to watch it, then it was like, "I was afraid of this?!") Something about the idea of a DOLL, which any girl has tons of, trying to kill their owner because it has the soul of a homicidal maniac, that's true nightmare material. Didn't matter that I hadn't actually seen the movie - just the idea was enough.


FIRE IN THE SKY
I was never terrified of aliens before this movie. To me, they were cute little green men, kind of like The Great Gazoo from The Flintstones. Oohhhhh, but THIS movie... One scene in particular sticks with me to this day: the abducted guy is on the alien ship, strapped to an examining table, and the aliens shower him with this weird dust that immediately turns into a thick rubber skin that gets tighter and tighter, suffocating him. They rip a hole in the plastic by his mouth so he can breath, then they poke holes by his eyes so they can... *shudder*, they can *dry heave*... poke an extremely long, sharp needle IN HIS FRICKIN' EYE! I don't think it actually shows the needle going in the eye, the scene just cuts off after you see the needle getting closer and closer until its just about touching the eyeball. So you're left imagining what happens next. I know for a FACT that this movie traumatized Trapper so badly, you couldn't even say the words 'alien' or 'fire in the sky' or 'eyeball' around him, for like five years! And the fact that its based on a true story is enough to make a person need therapy.


NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET
Okay, so I know a lot of you have awesome memories of this movie, its probably your all-time favorite. When it came out, every single kid dressed up as Freddy for Halloween. It was a staple at many slumber parties, which is where I was lucky enough to see it for the first time. Or not. I'll explain. It was grade six and my best friend Christine was having a birthday sleep-over, there was about 6-7 girls there. We'd rented movies and I was out-voted when they wanted to get it. So they popped the movie in the VCR (remember those?) and everyone settled in to watch. But not me, oh no no nooooo. I curled up on the couch under a blanket and pretended to be sleeping. Really I was trying to distract myself from the sounds the movie was making by reading an Archie comic (another 80s childhood staple). Didn't work though. They were all laughing hilariously at whatever was happening while I was seriously debating having my mom come pick me up.
ON A SIDE NOTE: Did you hear they're remaking Nightmare on Elm Street with Freddy being played by...(drum roll)... Billy Bob Thornton?!? Yeah, that was my reaction too.


Now for the movies that have traumatized me, as an adult...

13 GHOSTS
Seemed okay, didn't think it would be all that bad. 13 ghosts locked in a house trying to get out, sounds like the average ghost movie, right? The opening scene had warning signs flashing in my mind, "Stop! This is not an average ghost movie! This ghost is totally evil and insane and... wait... ohmygod, the ghost just KILLED that dude! Can ghosts do that? Holy shit...!" And it just got worse from there. I did not sleep that night, the next night, or even the next week for that matter. After we rented it, Tyler went out and actually bought the damn movie and I'm not kidding here, it took me OVER A YEAR to grow some balls and open it. I don't mean open the case, I mean take off the plastic wrapping. Yes, that's right, it sat in the cabinet completely unopened for over a year because I couldn't bear to even look at it. God, its like Pet Sematary all over again....


THE GRUDGE
See that pic? Enough said.









THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS
I know, this movie came out in the 80s but I didn't actually see it until I was almost 20. Tyler and I were living in Red Deer (Gunnar was a baby), in a 2-storey apartment that used to be a doctor's office back in the day but was converted into three levels for renters: the basement, the main floor (where we lived) and the top level. We had these HORRIBLE neighbors that lived below us, at first we called them the "pig people" because they were gross, fat, ugly, missing teeth and they sat around getting drunk all day and lived off welfare. Plus, they were really mean and scary and the disgusting woman would always come up and bang on our door and try to burst into our apartment because she thought we were being too loud. Uh, sorry chick, but we had a baby! You can't muzzle a baby. We absolutely hated them and vice versa, even had to call the cops one time it got so bad. So one night we'd rented the movie People Under the Stairs because we thought the title was funny and appropriate to what we were going through. Turns out I was completely traumatized by the movie itself. The premise is that this couple, who seem to be model neighbors and citizens, have been kidnapping children for years because the wife wanted to be a mother. Only, something would be "wrong" with each child (like, they cried because they wanted their real parents) and they would lock the kid in the basement and go out and kidnap another one. A little boy sneaks into the house and discovers all these really gross zombie-creatures in the basement; eventually he sets them free and rescues the current child from the evil parents, yadda yadda. But look at that picture up there, that's what goes through my mind when I think of this movie. *shudder*


HANNIBAL
The ginormous hog that eats the guys face, Hannibal Lecter
frying up and eating the dude's brain while the dude is sitting there and talking! There's many other scenes from that movie that have traumatized me but those two were the worst. I dare you to watch that movie and not have a nightmare. Try it.

SWEET DREAMS, EVERYONE!

Muahahahahahahahah!!

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner..."

Picture it: its afternoon, I'm doing the dishes (yes, the old-fashioned way) and I decide I need some motivation in the form of music. Any boring chore becomes fun with music. Well, not fun exactly, but a tad less boring. So I pop in the Dirty Dancing soundtrack. Oh, memories.... Ardan walks in the kitchen and before he knows it, I've pulled him into my arms and we're slow-dancing to 'Time of My Life'. Well, I'm slow-dancing, he's madly trying to escape my evil clutches. Gunnar comes along to see what the commotion is all about and then I've got him trapped. After much whining and complaining (on my part) and frantic attempts at escape (theirs), I give up and go back to the dishes. Singing 'Be My Baby' at the top of my lungs, of course. I can still torture them that way, lol.

Listening to that soundtrack, remembering my favorite parts of the movie and how I wanted to be Baby sooooo bad, got me thinking about my favorite childhood movies. Its funny how it can be 20 years later, you're flipping through the channels and you see a movie or a show you loved as a kid and suddenly you're 8 years old again. So I've come up with a list and we'll see if any of them are on YOUR favorite list. For fun, I've decided to put my favorite scene from each movie.

Dirty Dancing (nearing the end of the final dance scene, when Patrick Swayze mouths, "And I owe it all to you!")
Dream a Little Dream (Corey Feldman's Michael Jackson-inspired dance with the hat on the bleachers, for the girl watching)
Lost Boys (Corey Haim in the tub singing, then his dog attacks the brother)
Ferris Bueller's Day Off (Ferris singing Twist & Shout on the parade float)
Beetlejuice (when the dead couple meets with their smoke-leaking-from-her-slit-throat case worker and gets the tour of the human resources (?) office)
Sound of Music (the puppet scene with the goats - "Yo-de-lay-hee...")
Ghostbusters (when the idiot EPA guy makes them shut down the machine, then the ghosts are released and they terrorize New York, especially the skeleton cab driver)
Labyrinth (the ballroom dance where she's all dolled up and he's trying to seduce her or something, which is sick if you think about it)
The Goonies (Chunk and Sloth on the pirate ship mast, "Hey, you guyyyyssss!")
Flashdance (the famous dance scene in front of the judges)
Princess Bride ("Enough rhyming, I mean it!", "Anybody got a peanut?")
Quigley Down Under (at the end, when the Aborigines show up and surround the entire area)
National Lampoon's Vacation (tying the dead grandma to the car roof)
Christmas Vacation (god, how do I choose? have to go with Clark's rant when he doesn't get his bonus)
The Grinch cartoon version (the poor dog trying to pull the sleigh)
Looney Tunes 1001 Rabbit Tales (Daffy Duck being mean to Porky Pig's dog)
Disney's Fun & Fancy Free (Goofy on the jello)
Disney's Sleeping Beauty (the three fairy aunts trying to clean the cottage, make the cake and sew the dress)
Disney's Sword in the Stone (the scrawny wolf's attempts to eat the boy)
Disney's Robin Hood (Hiss the Snake getting drunk on wine)
Adventures in Babysitting (singing the 'Babysitter Blues' in the bar)
Revenge of the Nerds (can't remember much but the virgin sacrifice scene was memorable, probably because I'd just learned what a virgin was)
Troop Beverly Hills (triumphing over the evil troop at the end)
Fraggle Rock (the Doozers)
The Raccoons (Syril Sneer)
Kidstreet TV game show for kids (the rebus puzzle at the end)
Ford Fairlane (Andrew Dice Clay, "OHHHHH....!!")
My Stepmother is an Alien (when the stepmother drinks the batteries and takes the cookie sheet out of the oven with her bare hands)
All of Me (Lily Tomlin's soul is in Steve Martin, and she makes him flail his arms around and knock stuff over)
Earthgirls are Easy (Jeff Goldblum's tongue fishing out the ice at the bottom of the glass)
Big Trouble in Little China (the showdown with the evil Chinese guy)
Coming to America (the brother with the jerry curls leaving grease spots on all the couches)
E.T. (ET is trick-or-treating, sees Yoda and gets excited)
Karate Kid (the final karate fight scene, at the competition)
Field of Dreams (the ghost saving the choking little girl)
Gremlins (the Gremlin gang in the bar)
Heathers (basically, any scene with Christian Slater)
Splash (when the dentist stabs himself in the leg with the numbing stuff)
Steel Magnolias ("Hey Jack, remember me? Its your ole Aunt Weeza!" smack!)
Pretty Woman (singing off-key in the hot tub)
Mannequin (Hollywood screaming like a girl all the time)
Mask (when Cher finds her dead son Rocky)
The Neverending Story (the child princess, "Save me Bastian!")
Once Bitten (Jim Carrey turning into a vampire)
PeeWee's Big Adventure ("You met Marge?!")
Scrooged (the end scene, where everyone sings Put a Little Love in Your Heart)
Uncle Buck (making ginormous pancakes for the kids)
The Great Outdoors (the bear bursting down the door on top of John Candy)
Weekend at Bernie's (scheming to make Bernie seem alive)
Weird Science (when she turns the older brother into a Jabba the Hut toad thing)
Who Framed Roger Rabbit (at the end, seeing all the cartoons from Toon Town, Mickey Mouse standing beside Daffy Duck, etc)
Young Guns (the final showdown, when Billy the Kid bursts out of the trunk that's just been thrown out the window)
Cheech & Chong's Up in Smoke ("Can I see your license, sir?" "Uh, isn't it on the back of the car?")

So, did I miss any? Let me know what you think...
P.S. I keep remembering more and adding them on, so many great movies!

Saturday from HELL

CAUTION: THOSE OF YOU WITH WEAK STOMACHS WILL WANT TO SKIP THESE FIRST TWO PARAGRAPHS. *thinking* ACTUALLY, MAYBE THIS ENTIRE POST.

So how's this for irony? You see on the right sidebar there my new poll 'What's more traumatizing?' -- see the first option, baby + dirty diaper? That was something that happened with Ardan, many years ago. Well, guess what I woke up to this morning? Oh yeah, you're getting the visual there, aren't you?

I had been up with Ryder only once, at 4am, fed him, changed him, but for some insane reason I decided not to put his pajama pants back on. Don't ask me why. Maybe I thought he'd be more comfortable or he was too hot or something. I know, I know. A seasoned mom of 4 would never do something so idiotic, right? Lets blame these last 10 months of sleep deprivation. Anyway, so its 8am, I go in his room with a bottle and the first thing that hits me is the stench. Then I see the crib. And the sheets. The blankets. The stuffed animals. Not wanting to look and have to face the reality of what exactly I was seeing, I paused, took a deep breath (which I immediately regretted) then looked at the baby. OH. MY. GOD!!!! When I say he was wearing a shit-eating grin... you get the idea. He looked like he'd spent a month in a tanning bed, that's how brown he was. Sorry for getting detailed there but if I have to live with that horrific image the rest of my life, so do you.

I'm sure the entire west side of Sylvan heard my gag reflex. On the plus side, it woke up Tyler and he came a'running, took one look, one whiff, and ran for the bathroom. Yeah, 'cause I'm mean like that. Haha. Hey, don't feel sorry for him, he's not the one who had to scrub the shit off the baby, the crib, the bedding, the tub, nor did he have to do that lovely load of laundry then sanitize the washer. So that was my morning.

Flash forward to this afternoon. Before I say anymore, you should know that I've picked up a bad head cold from one of the kids. You know, the kind of cold where a sneeze feels like a nuclear explosion has went off in your brain. The kind where a laugh turns into a cough that goes on and on until you either gag or collapse on the floor, gasping for breath. Or in my case... well, we'll get to that. Those of you that have birthed multiple children know where I'm heading with this. So I was in the kitchen and one of the kids said something hilarious and I started to laugh, then cough. They watched in horrified amazement as I clung to the counter, coughing non-stop, legs desperately clenched together. And then it happened. I could feel it coming but there was nothing I could do, I was too busy trying to drag precious air into my lungs. Yes, ladies and gents, I pissed my pants.

Thank GOD I had just went to the bathroom so its not like I was standing in a puddle, but there was enough that I couldn't hide it. My kids were HORRIFIED. They've heard my mom and I joke around about it before, hell they've seen her do the same during a laughing or coughing fit. But I'm their mom, that's not supposed to happen in their fantastical little world, they're not supposed to witness my shame. Hahaha. As I ran to the bedroom to change I could hear their hysterical giggling and I'm pretty sure I heard the word "pissy-pants" out of one of their mouths. I'm going to have to come up with a good threat so they don't share this hilarious story with their school buddies.

So then its around 4-5pm, Tyler and the kids are rushing around, getting ready to go quadding. I'm on the couch, watching Mr and Mrs Smith, enjoying a fantasy of Brad Pitt chasing me around the house wearing just his underwear. Mmmmm.... where was I? Oh yes. I left to go check on the baby and when I came back, the kids were all on the couch, watching the movie. REALLY watching the movie. Like, leaning forward, totally fascinated by what was happening. So I look and oh holy hell, its the sex scene. "Mom, why is he smashing her around like that while they're, uh...?" Something inside me snapped, all the events of the day coming to a head, visions of poop and pissy-pants and Brad-Pitt-hot-sex. "GET OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW!! GO HELP YOUR FATHER!"

Should I be ashamed to admit that the reason I was mostly upset was because I missed out on the sex scene? I mean, c'mon! This is Brad Pitt we're talking about here people, don't you know he's my future husband? Yes, yes, I know, I already have a husband. That's why I said FUTURE. When poor old Tyler kicks the bucket, I'm moving to Hollywood and stealing my man back from Ms Jolie. I plan on using my kids as enticement. "You like kids, well I've got four!" I just have to make sure the pissy-pants story never comes up.