My brain & body don't get along :)

My brain gets me in trouble. It convinces me that I'm invincible, that my body's inner workings are still in their 20s. It makes me forget I am actually a decade older. My brain whispers that since I am having so much fun, one more can't hurt. 


And then the next morning, my body tells my brain, "This is all your fault, asshole!"


So Saturday was the Bantam hockey parent's party (the parents of Gunnar's teammates). I know most of them from years before, but there's still a few that are new to me. I had been feeling a little anti-social that day, didn't want to have to get all done up and find nice clothes to squeeze into. But Ty reminded me that this might be the only parent's party for this team this year, and did I really want to miss out on all the fun? So I pulled up my big girl panties, hunted down an outfit, straightened my hair and put on the smoky eyes. 


Sent Ty to the liquor store while all this was happening (because, y'know, being a guy it only took him 5 minutes to get ready, dammit). I was in the mood for caesars instead of syrupy-sweet coolers so the sweetheart got me two 4-packs, both different brands to "see which was better". Honey, its tomato juice and vodka, not gonna be much difference. But whatever, 8 is better than 4, right?


Right before we left I discovered a premade shooter and a lone cooler in the fridge (from the Pearl Jam concert) so I quickly chugged those down. 


Gunnar was our babysitter for the night, an easy $20 for him as the kids were all fed, house was tidied, etc. He had strict instructions to have Ryder and Ardan in bed by 9pm, as Ardan had a game in Stettler the next morning (smart-thinking me arranged a ride for him). Assured him I had my cell if anything happened. The kids settled in for a movie and away we went.


Off to a shaky start as we couldn't find the house at first. I knew Fern Crescent must be somewhere in Fox Run but in my mind it was up past the school. We drove around and around, finally pulled out the GPS which didn't recognize the street. So we headed back to the Fox Run entrance and there it was, the first street on the right. Found the house right away. 


When we walked in, there were only 2 other couples there as well as the parents hosting the party. And we were an hour late, so I thought that didn't bode well. But sure enough, couples started streaming in. Music was cranked, the Oilers game playing in the livingroom for all the guys, everyone setting out their food (it was potluck) in the livingroom. We brought Ty's smoked fish and some ripple chips as our contribution but when we'd first arrived, Ty was like, "This is the last of my smoked fish so I'm going to 'forget' it out here and only come get it if someone asks what we brought, okay?" Haha. 


So, one by one my premade caesar coolers disappeared. The night went by, god I can't even remember what all us hockey moms talked about but I just remember laughing hysterically, at one point my cheeks were literally aching from smiling so hard. I think our conversations covered everything from childbirth and labor, to how brainless 13-yr-old boys are, to drunken idiot husbands, Vegas vacations minus our men, etc.


Two moms in particular, Robin and Dorothy, were definitely the life of the party. I've written here about Robin before (her daughter is Rayna), how she reminds me of my bff Kelly in the way she's  so outgoing and hilarious but slightly scary, haha. And oh man, was she FUNNY that night. And this Dorothy chick! She's a dead-ringer for Catherine O'hara (of SCTV fame) only an older-looking version. Apparently she gets that a lot. (Oh, and her husband could be Steve Carrell -- the Office --, like a perfect clone.) This chick was telling stories that had us doubled over in hysterics. So Dorothy and Robin kept us in stitches.


At one point, Robin started dancing, this hilarious chicken-wing-flapping thing. Even the men had to watch. SO EFFIN FUNNY. Then I commandeered the ipod and put on an Adam Lambert song (If I Had You, the only one on there, boooo, I'd have preferred Strut) and me and Robin started bustin' a move. Then Dorothy got up to dirty dance with Robin, except it was more like two big broads both doing the chicken-wing and bumpin' butts. We were screaming with laughter. 


My drinks were disappearing fast, then someone brought out the Jaeger. I'd heard of it, who hasn't, but never tried some so there went a couple of shots. Tastes like black licorice. S'okay. 


Couples started leaving around midnight. Looked like most of the men were the DD's and just let their women party hard, thought that was nice and kinda cool. Not MY husband, of course (first time he'd drank since the gout incident a couple months ago, so I let him have fun, we were gonna get a cab home anyway). Eventually there was just us, another young couple (the girlfriend was convinced she knew me somehow but we couldn't figure out how, since she's from out east), and the host couple. Our cab never showed so the young couple drove us home; they'd arrived late and didn't really drink. 


I don't recall too much about what happened after we arrived home. I DO know I updated my facebook status and commented on some people's pictures, I saw what I'd written (posted at 2:13am)--


mAY BE just be a taddd bit tipsy onght, parents hockey party ,, wooha. Gunnar earned his first $20 babystitting money. GOod job kid. Came home to a quiet house, kids in bed. LOOOVeee these hockety parents, had a great time onight. Mayy have dance d to a Adam Lambert song, diryt danced with robyn. fun fun fun


I woke up at 4am (know this because I remember glancing at the clock), chugged two water bottles back-to-back with two super-strength Advil migraine pills. Staggered drunkenly back to bed. Next thing I knew sun was pouring into the bedroom. Stumbled into the kitchen, 11-frickin-30am! 


"Where's Ardan!? Did you wake up in time to get him ready? He's gone, right?"


Ty calmed me down. "Yes, your alarm woke me up at 7:45. I got him up, fed him breakfast, gave him $20. Dawn came and picked him up around 9. Don't worry."


Phew. Funny that I didn't even remember setting the alarm. Looked down at myself, PUKE on my shirt. What the hell? Did not remember puking. 


Gunnar teased me about how he had heard me upstairs when we came home, laughing and giggling and bumping into things. I looked at Ty, "Don't look at me, I was passed out on the couch." Huh. I don't remember any of that. Don't even know how I got to bed.


Oh, and there's a HUGE dark reddish-brown bruise on my inner forearm that I have NO CLUE how it got there. Hurts like a mutha but how or when I got it that night is a mystery.


My hangover didn't let up until about 6pm on Sunday, despite drinking water bottles non-stop and taking two more of those Advils. (I ignored the warning, "Do NOT exceed more than 3 in 24 hours, only take one pill every 4 hours. Pffft!)


Gunnar had a game starting at 6:15pm. Even though he's off because of the concussion (they recommend two weeks before returning to the game), players are still expected to show up so we all decided to go. After all, half the fun of drunken debauchery is talking about it the next day. Plus, I wanted to see if everyone else's hangovers were as bad as mine. 


Ty dropped me off at my vehicle (we'd left it there) and first thing that hit me when I opened the door... the smell of fish. Those damned stupid effin' smoked fish had sat in there all night and all day. GROSS!


At the arena, our team manager, Nikki (a Type-A if I ever saw one, but it looks good on her), said she had video of us ladies dirty-dancing. I was smug, "No-no-no, it was Robin and Dorothy who were dirty dancing, not me.", "Oooh girl, YOU WISH." Whaaaa?? Then she said her phone had died just as she started recording so there wasn't any 'evidence' to convict us. Phew! LOL


So yeah, that's the story about my night of drunken debauchery... and I'm sticking to it.

Top 10 Annoying Status Updaters

Okay, so everyone on facebook knows that person; you know, that person. The one who's status updates are always annoying, or whiny, or negative, or whatever it is that personally peeves you off. If you're really lucky (sarcasm) you might have a whole bunch of "friends" that do this. Why can't people just be cool and funny and interesting? Oh ya, they're not you (or me). Right. LOL

This is my list of what I consider to be the Top 10 Most Annoying Kinds of Status Updaters...

1) The Proud Parent
You will recognize this person by her profile pic -- always of her child(ren). Her status updates inform us of everything from her child's newest accomplishment to what allergies they have. Its like her life as a separate entity ended when that child pushed its way out of the womb, and now she is known only as Super-Mother, obsessedly devoted to the health and well-being of her child. Making homemade baby food, joining any and every Baby & Me class in existence (and of course, telling us all about it), extolling the virtues of nursing and attachment parenting... She is Super-Mother and won't rest until the entire facebook world knows it.

2) Um, TMI much?
This is the status updater that thinks we really want to know the exact details of the doctor appointment, or the hot date last night, or the nasty fight with the ex. No topic is off limits, no tidbit of info is taboo. Did I really need to know that you walked in on your parents having oral sex? No, and thankyouverymuch for that visual.

3) The Addict
This person should really be on Twitter, which actually encourages new status updates every five minutes or so. Instead they are on facebook, where their constant pointless updates spam up your homepage so completely that you really have no option but to click 'hide' and breath a sigh of relief when the endless details of their existence are removed forever. No but seriously, someone stage an intervention for this person, please.

4) The Ben Stein
If you don't know who Ben Stein is, please take a moment to Google Image him. If you don't recognize him from those pictures, recall that scene in Ferris Bueller where he's the teacher asking, "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?" in that nasal monotone. Still don't know who he is? Or, even worse, not know who or what Ferris Bueller is? Then stop reading this and just fuck off, seriously. Anyone who doesn't know Ferris Bueller is no friend of mine, I say. HAH! Just kidding, obvs. Anyway, we all know Ben Stein is the epitome of Boring. As is this status updater. All the mundane, tedious, tiresome, drab details of their stale, ordinary, drudging life are on display on this person's facebook wall. "Fed the dog some food today, went grocery shopping, mowed the lawn, paid some bills, washed the dishes..." -- ummm, wow, your life sucks. I mean, I do all those same things too, but do I tell everyone about it? Some things people just don't care to know about. Get a life, dude. Watch some tv and talk about that. Catch a movie and ask people's opinions. Engage people, interact, just do something interesting, dude! Seriously.

5) The Inappropriate Motherf*cka!
For some reason, we never see this one coming, do we? I mean, we should, because that guy was a total bonehead in school, always yelling out stupid stuff in class to get a rise out of the teacher, deliberately being obnoxious at break to be the center of attention. This guy isn't happy unless he's making someone uncomfortable. And if he can do this by letting us all know he wants hookers and blow for Christmas, well then "fuck yeah dudes!", his job is done. He only wishes he could know exactly how many people have blocked him so he could brag about that, too.

6) Happy Happy Joy Joy
This person is probably the worst, in my opinion. No one is always happy and joyous, 24/7. NO ONE. And it annoys the hell out of us regular people with regular emotions who are sometimes happy and sometimes not, when someone is. Does that make sense? Do I care? NO. Because I am a snarky, snappy gal and I like updates with some meat on their bones, not this "Today is a beautiful sunny day and I am gloriously happy!" crap. Geezsh. Have some compassion for the rest of us sad sacks out there who've dealt with a pukey kid, a monster migraine, and an empty coffee can this morning. Or, as an e-friend said recently, "sincerely up yours".

7) Quotey McQuoterson
Omg does this updater need a smack upside the head. You are not a Mensa member, you are not God's gift to intelligent life, you do not have the answers to life's eternal questions; nor are you Mother Theresa, Bill Gates, Ghandi, John F Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobain, Bart Simpson or some other famous person and/or character. So friggin' enough with the quotes already! "Imagine there's no heaven", yeah, well how about I imagine you're not on my friend list anymore? Oh, there, DONE.

8) The Snap-Happy
I love looking at pictures. You love looking at pictures. Pictures of babies are cute, so are kittens and puppies and toothless first-graders. Sure, I would love to look at your family vacation pictures. Looks like y'all had a great time camping, and at Disneyland, and at the beach. What's that? You have engagement and wedding pics too? Okay, alright, let's see them. Wow, you have over a hundred engagement pics? Ten pics of the exact same pose just with different special effects, well that's kinda cool. Holy crap, what's this...? Is this... are you... giving birth? Is that... wait, what the... your placenta? SERIOUSLY? You included a picture of the afterbirth in the album because why now? And the caption underneath, "Little Avery's Womb with a View", oh very clever. BARF!

9) The Novelist
If your status update has the dreaded blue "See more..." underneath what looks to be 500 words or more of text, then you can count this facebooker OUT. Sorry, unless my eyes single out certain key words or phrases -- such as 'Adam Lambert', 'accidental nudity', 'jail', 'kiss my ass' or 'hot monkey lovin' -- I'm just not that into you, or your epic update.

10) The Life of the Party
Wow, you are SO cool. I wish I could go out to the bar every night and get totally wasted, then somehow find my way home, decide to get on facebook and drunkenly change my status update so everyone can see just how cool and wasted I am because of all my drunken spelling mistakes and slurred spelled words. And all those trips to Vegas or whatnot, all the clubs you went to, all the random guys (or gals) you made out with, all the pics posted of said drunken makeout sessions and peace signs and 'sexy' kissy face poses... you are like SO cool. I am SO glad you're my facebook friend.


I know there's more of these offending updaters out there, these are just the ones that annoy me the most. Let me know who I missed in the comment section.

Oh, and if any of these sound suspiciously familiar, of course you know I don't mean YOU!

Larry, the Drunkest Guy Ever

Just found this online, I cannot believe how drunk this dude is. Seriously.

Where's a good rock to hide under when you need one?

Its been about three weeks now since I've been a blonde and yes, I have had a few 'blonde moments'. I'm sure everyone has had those and you just want to die of embarrassment, but at least if you are a blonde you have something to blame.

The first 'moment' was actually a few days after the dye job, when my hair was a super-bright blonde. I went in the liquor store to get some rum and coolers (the liquor store by the new Winks in Lakeway, so take note of this story in case you ever go there). Got my stuff, paid for it and headed to the door to leave, the same door I'd come in from. The cashier guy says to me, "That door has no handle." I smiled and nodded at him, thinking, "Okay, then I'll just push it open, duh!" Got to the door, tried to push it open, it didn't open! I looked back at the guy and only then noticed that there was another door, an exit door. Ohhhhh. I turned around and made my way to that door, utterly embarrassed, smiling almost apologetically (I was sorry, sorry I made an ass of myself in front of that hot guy, doh!), pointed to my hair and said, "Its the blonde coming out!" He just laughed and said, "Everyone does that." But why wouldn't he have just said to me, "Oh, the exit door is over here." He must get off on watching everyone embarrass themselves, then he can tell his buddies later, "Got another one today, you should have seen that dummie try to open the door! Bwahaha!" MEN!

The next blonde moment could actually be attributed to the large quantity of caesars I'd had, but I'm sure my blondeness seemed obvious at that moment. It was at Hubs' work break-up party just the other night. Most of the guys were playing poker, so those of us feeling left out decided to play Cranium. (And who knew that I'd be friggin' wicked at Cranium? Guess being the Queen of Useless Knowledge, She Who Knows Everything About Nothing, does serve a purpose sometimes.) My team was totally kicking ass, we made it almost around the entire board before the other team even got their first turn. Those of you familiar with the game know that the one team reads the cards for the other team. So it was my turn to read a card for the other team. First of all, I absolutely hate having everyone watch me while I read something aloud, I always feel like an idiot, I don't know why. Secondly, I'd had quite a few caesars by then and my lips were kind of numb and I was kind of stuttery and feeling mentally sluggish. At least everyone else there was well-past the tipsy point as well. So I stumbled my way through reading the card, everyone's eyes on me, then I realized that I had seen the answer. "Oh, I saw the answer! Is that okay?" "That's okay," they assured me, "it doesn't matter for this one." "Oh, okay then. Uh, where was I? Oh yeah, Frosty the Snowman!" Everyone burst out laughing, I'm all confused about why. "Ohhhhh, I just said the answer, didn't I?" Trust me, they didn't let me live that down. "Let's have Beau read all our next cards, we'll win for sure!" I tried to tell them it was the blonde coming out but they knew better. "Sure sure, Beau, here, have another caesar!" How embarrassing.

Hangover Sunday

Yesterday was Ardan's hockey wind-up party and as you can see by the title there, I obviously had a blast. The party was originally supposed to be held at the new arena, there's no ice so the kids were going to play floor hockey. Then one set of parents volunteered their warehouse/shop that they have over in the industrial area, so plans changed. It worked out much better because then we didn't have a set time limit of how long we could stay, plus, as some of the moms pointed out, then us parents can have a few drinks! And let me just say, I did not plan on drinking at all.

We showed up around 4:30 and the joint was hoppin', as the saying goes. It was a potluck, so I brought my pasta salad (the only thing that Hubs could eat, with his gluten/wheat allergy). Lena was "so shy" at first, hiding behind me for a good ten minutes, but eventually she chilled out and played with the other two little girls there. They were so cute! One girl's mom brought a case full of coloring books, markers, stickers, and.... glitter glue! Of course, us moms were so busy chatting and whatnot, that we just kind of let the kids do their thing. I looked over at one point and saw that Lena and Kylie were doing "makeup" on each other, using, what else, markers and glitter glue. Kylie's mom was all frantic, scrubbing her face desperately to try to get the glitter glue off. No such luck. So I was just like "meh" and let Lena run around looking like a glittery beauty queen clown. She was having fun so I didn't care.

There was one little incident between Kylie and Lena, and it was friggin' hilarious! At least to me. Kylie's mom wasn't too thrilled, but only because her daughter was the 'bad' one. I guess the girls were drinking water and Kylie up and spit a mouthful of water right in Lena's face. Lena's pretty 'go-with-the-flow', like me, and she just wiped it off. But you should have seen poor Carolynn (Kylie's mom). She was like, "KYLIE!!!" and marched her right outside, where we could all hear the heck she was giving her daughter. Poor little Kylie came back in shame-faced and apologetic, said she was sorry, and the girls were off and running. No big whoop. Carolynn came over to me, sooo sorry for Kylie's behaviour, and she was a little shocked at my response. "Well actually, I'm glad Kylie did that." What?! "Yeah, Lena's been going through a spitting phase, even got me in the face one day, which earned her a smack upside the head. So now she knows what it feels like to get spit on, right in the face. I think this will teach her a lesson." Oh. Oh-kayyy. So you're not upset? "No, not at all! Consider it a learning experience for Lena. No worries." Carolynn was so relieved. Haha. I took Lena aside later and asked how it felt to be spit on ("Not good") and that that is how we feel when she spits on us. She got it.

Lena and Kylie playing tag.

So I had brought some vodka lime coolers to the shindig, just in case, you know. Didn't want to be the only one with no booze, even if I just sipped on one cooler the entire time, at least I wouldn't look like a nerd. I took my time getting ready before the party, too. I painted my nails black (Rimmel polish with minerals and Lycra, in Black Satin, LOVE IT!!!), used my new TruBlends mineral powder, applied my new Loreal "beauty tubes" mascara (that give you the look of lash extensions, don't know about that, but they looked a little longer), and my new Covergirl Outlast lipstain in Wildberry Red. It looks like a huge red child's marker, with thick felt tip, so its like you're 'drawing' the lipstain on. It lasts, like, forever. Seriously, the day I first got it, I still had most of it on when I woke up the next morning. The color is amazing, a "true" red that makes your teeth look brilliantly white, and I knew the red was the exact shade I was looking for when Lena said to me, "Mom, your lips are bleeding!" Hah! I had my new Smitten Kitten shades on, and my skinny pants (the ones that make my legs look superlong and slim) and OF COURSE, my new black studded Ed Hardy purse.

I knew the look I was going for was an obvious hit when the mom's all exclaimed, "You look AWESOME! Like a rocker chick!" Yep, I told them I'd been "Glambertized". Only a couple of mom's got it. One mom was so jealous of my "diamond" encrusted skull-and-crossbones necklace, "Where would you even find something like that?" Hubs got it for me, isn't he great?

So by the mid-point of the party, I'd only had one cooler, had a nice buzz going on but by no means was I drunk. I'm careful about stuff like that when there's kids around. I never want my kids to be embarrassed and ashamed that I'm one of those "drunken moms" that use any excuse to tie one on, even if its a family event. Know what I mean? Well, the coach set up a little game for everyone to play together, basically like a shoot-out between the kids and parents. He would choose a parent to take the shot, and the parent would choose a kid to be the goalie. Then it would switch so the kids would take a shot at a parent in net. Everyone was having so much fun. Ardan was chosen as a goalie for another parent and they blind-folded him. No other kid-goalie had been blind-folded, probably because none of them are amazing goalies like Ard. So it was quite a thing, everyone giggling and "ooooo"-ing. And darn if little Ardan didn't block the shot, with the blind-fold on! It was awesome, I think every person in there gave him a hug or pat on the back or high five. He was loving all the attention.

So then the coach calls my name to take a shot. I wanted to pick Ardan or Gunnar to be my goalie, but they'd each already had a turn so I picked another kid, who was just thrilled to finally get called. I grabbed the stick, got in the hockey stance, and started toward the net.

Now, here's a little back-story for ya, just to explain how what happened next came about. I wore my black knee-high boots to the party, and had to walk through the gravel parking lot to get to the shop. My boots have a tendency to get small pebbles and rocks stuck in the heel, which I then have to pry out. Of course, walking to the shop, I picked up several pebbles in both heels. I was able to get all of them but one out, it was in there too deep. So I just stomped my foot a couple times, to push it in deeper so I wouldn't feel it every step I took. Except it refused to go in all the way and stuck out about 1/4" from the bottom of my heel. So there's the set-up: I had a rock stuck in my heel.

I made my way closer to the goalie, doing some fairly decent stick-handling, and I raised the stick to take my shot, lowered it and smacked the ball a good one. Next thing I know, I'm half on my knees, half on my ass, staring up at the faces of all the parents. Horrified, embarrassed, laughing my ass off, "What the...." My one foot had slid to the side and shot out from under me (that damn rock!) and sent me to the ground, right in front of the goalie. You could say I kind of did the splits. All the kids were laughing hysterically, of course; while the parents were trying to restrain their laughter and show concern for me, even though I knew, I knew!, it had to look funny as hell. As I got to my feet I said to one mom, "Thank GOD I wasn't wearing a skirt", which everyone heard and they all burst out laughing. "I'm so embarrassed! I can't believe I did that! And I can't even blame the coolers, because I only had one!" (At that point, I HAD had only one, it was afterwards that I chugged the second, mostly to drown the lingering embarrassment.) Gunnar later took me aside and told me, "Don't feel too bad, Mom, you were the only Mom who was able to raise the puck." I was? Really? "Yeah, and the goalie just barely saved it, you totally would've got a goal." Even though I fell on my butt and looked like a fool? "Mom, how many other people would've been able to raise the puck AND almost get in in, while they are in the middle of falling down? So you should be proud." And I was. Am. Not of myself. Proud of my wonderful 10 year old who took the time to comfort and reassure his mom, because he was sensitive to her embarrassment and wanted to make her feel better.

The rest of the party was spent chatting and getting to know the parents better, chasing after my littlest one (who was obsessed with "escaping" the shop to go outside and throw rocks at the vehicles, arrghhh!), and eating, of course. One mom had also brought a pasta salad, she was originally going to bring a greek salad, but do you know what she did? She made the greek salad, minus the lettuce, and just added pasta to it. And it was the frickin' BESTEST pasta salad I've EVER had in my LIFE! Cherry tomatoes, sweet pea pods, crumbled feta, chunks of cucumber and REAL cooked ham (my salad also had ham but it was canned, haha!). I ate two big helpings of her salad. But it was weird that whenever I looked at someone's plate, it was my salad they were eating. And I honestly couldn't tell you why, her salad was like a 10 while mine would maybe score a 6. She said that in the summer, they cut up some bbq'd chicken breast and add it to the salad, and that's their meal right there. So that's what I'm going to do from now on, too. The party ended around 8:30, we made plans to get together with some of the parents that we really like, it was just a great time. And I still had two coolers left.

Here's all the kids getting their awards, Ardan got "MVP" (Coach said he also should've got Top Scorer but each kid can only get one award and he thought Ardan deserved the MVP the most.)

When we got home, the kids were exhausted and by some silent agreement, they all went downstairs to the hide-a-bed, turned on the tv and fell asleep together, like little sardines all squished together on the bed. So cute. Ryder was so tired that he fell asleep even before we got home. Hubs took him to his crib, changed his diaper and put on a sleeper. All without Ryder even cracking an eyelid. He was so tuckered out from all the running and playing he did with his little buddy Cooper, who is a month older than him. They were "the little hockey guys", with their Gap hoodies on (that was kind of a weird coincidence) and ministicks, chasing each other and the puck around. Adorable.

With all the children in bed and sleeping, what else was there to do but keep the party going, right? I finished my coolers right away, then that sneaky Hubs of mine started bringing me Jack Daniels & DP. I think I had about two of those. Oh, and over half a pack of smokes. The night is kind of a blur after that, but I do remember us laughing hysterically at something on tv, Hubs convincing me that drunken-blogging is never a good thing (but think how hilarious that post would have been!), falling off my chair three or four times and Ty just shaking his head at me, and somehow managing to spill almost an entire bag of popcorn twists all over the floor. I still ate them of course, just scooped them up off the carpet. The 'three second rule' becomes the 'five minute rule' when you're drunk and hungry. Haha.

This morning was a different story. Not feeling so hot today, oh no. I skinned my knee when I wiped out so that was hurting, not to mention the pounding headache, scratchy sore eyes and stiff muscles. Various other body parts were a bit tender and aching too, but that may be a bit TMI for you. Hah! Oh well, what can I say, drunken sex is HAWWWT. You don't quite remember all the details, but somehow you just know you had a really really good time. So now that I've put those images in your head, I'll take my leave and bid you a...

HAPPY HANGOVER SUNDAY EVERYONE!

Who knew I was the life of the party? Not I!!!

So last night, Friday night, I was at the arena for FOUR hours, as Ardan had a practice and Gunnar had a game immediately after that. Its Gunnar's home tournament this weekend, and the hockey moms had planned for us all to have a girls night after the game, which ended at 8:15. I'm so lucky that Hubs was at home to look after the kids so I was able to go with them.

The bar they decided we'd go to is called the Open Range, so I knew that I'd be getting a healthy dose of country music (bleeeeechh). What I hadn't realized was that that bar is known for having a huge karaoke night every Friday night.

First of all, who knew that there were so many good-ole-boys out there who LOVE to sing karaoke? I can honestly say that in my entire life, I had never seen a guy willingly get up to sing. But we're not talking one guy here. There were like seven guys who were constantly up at that mike. And these were guys that I would never in a million years have guessed to have a love for karaoke. I'm talking big burly oil-rig guys, wearing their denim jackets and the guy version of mom-jeans, with huge guts overhanging their waistbands. Of course, most of them sang country songs but there were a few that surprised me with their song choices.

There were about five or six of us hockey moms sitting around our table. As more moms showed up, we started getting a little louder and rowdier and then someone (couldn't have been me) suggested one of us should get up there on the mike. One of the moms there is widely known to be a huge karaoke enthusiast and the kicker is that she doesn't even need a few drinks for dutch courage. She couldn't decide on a song so we picked Abba's Take a Chance on Me, and we all promised we'd get on the dance floor and boogie when she was singing. She did AWESOME, we were so proud.

Flash forward to a couple of hours, and a lot of drinks, later... I had innocently mentioned how I loved to sing Cover of the Rolling Stone, but that I needed a LOT of dutch courage. Everyone got a kick out of that, with Renee (the one who sang the Abba song) asking me, "What song is that?" Awww, come on Renee! I tried singing the chorus for her but it was so loud in there she couldn't recognize the tune. I noticed some of the moms huddled together, writing on a piece of paper. Didn't think much of it. Got up to go the bathroom (broke the seal, I guess) and all of a sudden I hear on the mike, "Okay Beau, its your turn! Get up here!"

I could feel my face draining of all color. Looked at the other moms, who were giggling hysterically, urging me to "Get up there and belt it out, girl!" OH. MY. GAWD!!! Traitors!! I stumbled my way up to the mike, begging Renee to come up with me and she caved and joined me at the mike.

I cannot even begin to describe how nervous and scared I was. Its one thing to become a karaoke queen when you're totally wasted and don't give a flying f*ck what everyone thinks of you. Its totally another when you're only buzzed and there's a packed room of strangers staring at you! It didn't help matters that my throat was bone-dry and my voice was all hoarse and scratchy from the drinks, smokes, and having to yell at the top of your lungs just to talk to the person sitting next to you.

And so it began... "Ah, ah, ah, I don't believe it. Hey Ray, hey Sugar, tell 'em who we are..." In the blink of an eye, what seemed like the entire bar surged to their feet and swarmed the dance floor. People were going crazy, singing along as loud as they could, dancing wildly and giving me the rock-on hand signal. Suddenly, singing my favorite karaoke song became easier. Another mom came up to Renee's mike and then there were three of us. My scratchy, hoarse voice couldn't decide if it wanted to sing low or high, but no one cared. It... was... AWESOME!!!

I was on a definite adrenaline-high after the song ended. All the hockey moms looked at me in awe, "I can't believe you can sing like that! You knew all the words! You were awesome!" Renee swore that she'd found a new karaoke buddy (don't know about that, haha).

So yeah, it was a truly great night. Had tons of fun, got to know the hockey moms better outside of hockey, got hit on by a couple of guys (great for the self-esteem, lol), and I didn't get so drunk that I had a hangover this morning. So I'm quite looking forward to going to Gunnar's hockey game today and seeing all the moms again. I kinda broke out of my shell with them last night, showed them a new side of me, and it seems like they like me more now. Its only too bad that this happened now, at the end of hockey season. Guess I'll have to arrange another karaoke night next hockey season, at the start! Haha.