My brain gets me in trouble. It convinces me that I'm invincible, that my body's inner workings are still in their 20s. It makes me forget I am actually a decade older. My brain whispers that since I am having so much fun, one more can't hurt.
And then the next morning, my body tells my brain, "This is all your fault, asshole!"
So Saturday was the Bantam hockey parent's party (the parents of Gunnar's teammates). I know most of them from years before, but there's still a few that are new to me. I had been feeling a little anti-social that day, didn't want to have to get all done up and find nice clothes to squeeze into. But Ty reminded me that this might be the only parent's party for this team this year, and did I really want to miss out on all the fun? So I pulled up my big girl panties, hunted down an outfit, straightened my hair and put on the smoky eyes.
Sent Ty to the liquor store while all this was happening (because, y'know, being a guy it only took him 5 minutes to get ready, dammit). I was in the mood for caesars instead of syrupy-sweet coolers so the sweetheart got me two 4-packs, both different brands to "see which was better". Honey, its tomato juice and vodka, not gonna be much difference. But whatever, 8 is better than 4, right?
Right before we left I discovered a premade shooter and a lone cooler in the fridge (from the Pearl Jam concert) so I quickly chugged those down.
Gunnar was our babysitter for the night, an easy $20 for him as the kids were all fed, house was tidied, etc. He had strict instructions to have Ryder and Ardan in bed by 9pm, as Ardan had a game in Stettler the next morning (smart-thinking me arranged a ride for him). Assured him I had my cell if anything happened. The kids settled in for a movie and away we went.
Off to a shaky start as we couldn't find the house at first. I knew Fern Crescent must be somewhere in Fox Run but in my mind it was up past the school. We drove around and around, finally pulled out the GPS which didn't recognize the street. So we headed back to the Fox Run entrance and there it was, the first street on the right. Found the house right away.
When we walked in, there were only 2 other couples there as well as the parents hosting the party. And we were an hour late, so I thought that didn't bode well. But sure enough, couples started streaming in. Music was cranked, the Oilers game playing in the livingroom for all the guys, everyone setting out their food (it was potluck) in the livingroom. We brought Ty's smoked fish and some ripple chips as our contribution but when we'd first arrived, Ty was like, "This is the last of my smoked fish so I'm going to 'forget' it out here and only come get it if someone asks what we brought, okay?" Haha.
So, one by one my premade caesar coolers disappeared. The night went by, god I can't even remember what all us hockey moms talked about but I just remember laughing hysterically, at one point my cheeks were literally aching from smiling so hard. I think our conversations covered everything from childbirth and labor, to how brainless 13-yr-old boys are, to drunken idiot husbands, Vegas vacations minus our men, etc.
Two moms in particular, Robin and Dorothy, were definitely the life of the party. I've written here about Robin before (her daughter is Rayna), how she reminds me of my bff Kelly in the way she's so outgoing and hilarious but slightly scary, haha. And oh man, was she FUNNY that night. And this Dorothy chick! She's a dead-ringer for Catherine O'hara (of SCTV fame) only an older-looking version. Apparently she gets that a lot. (Oh, and her husband could be Steve Carrell -- the Office --, like a perfect clone.) This chick was telling stories that had us doubled over in hysterics. So Dorothy and Robin kept us in stitches.
At one point, Robin started dancing, this hilarious chicken-wing-flapping thing. Even the men had to watch. SO EFFIN FUNNY. Then I commandeered the ipod and put on an Adam Lambert song (If I Had You, the only one on there, boooo, I'd have preferred Strut) and me and Robin started bustin' a move. Then Dorothy got up to dirty dance with Robin, except it was more like two big broads both doing the chicken-wing and bumpin' butts. We were screaming with laughter.
My drinks were disappearing fast, then someone brought out the Jaeger. I'd heard of it, who hasn't, but never tried some so there went a couple of shots. Tastes like black licorice. S'okay.
Couples started leaving around midnight. Looked like most of the men were the DD's and just let their women party hard, thought that was nice and kinda cool. Not MY husband, of course (first time he'd drank since the gout incident a couple months ago, so I let him have fun, we were gonna get a cab home anyway). Eventually there was just us, another young couple (the girlfriend was convinced she knew me somehow but we couldn't figure out how, since she's from out east), and the host couple. Our cab never showed so the young couple drove us home; they'd arrived late and didn't really drink.
I don't recall too much about what happened after we arrived home. I DO know I updated my facebook status and commented on some people's pictures, I saw what I'd written (posted at 2:13am)--
mAY BE just be a taddd bit tipsy onght, parents hockey party ,, wooha. Gunnar earned his first $20 babystitting money. GOod job kid. Came home to a quiet house, kids in bed. LOOOVeee these hockety parents, had a great time onight. Mayy have dance d to a Adam Lambert song, diryt danced with robyn. fun fun fun
I woke up at 4am (know this because I remember glancing at the clock), chugged two water bottles back-to-back with two super-strength Advil migraine pills. Staggered drunkenly back to bed. Next thing I knew sun was pouring into the bedroom. Stumbled into the kitchen, 11-frickin-30am!
"Where's Ardan!? Did you wake up in time to get him ready? He's gone, right?"
Ty calmed me down. "Yes, your alarm woke me up at 7:45. I got him up, fed him breakfast, gave him $20. Dawn came and picked him up around 9. Don't worry."
Phew. Funny that I didn't even remember setting the alarm. Looked down at myself, PUKE on my shirt. What the hell? Did not remember puking.
Gunnar teased me about how he had heard me upstairs when we came home, laughing and giggling and bumping into things. I looked at Ty, "Don't look at me, I was passed out on the couch." Huh. I don't remember any of that. Don't even know how I got to bed.
Oh, and there's a HUGE dark reddish-brown bruise on my inner forearm that I have NO CLUE how it got there. Hurts like a mutha but how or when I got it that night is a mystery.
My hangover didn't let up until about 6pm on Sunday, despite drinking water bottles non-stop and taking two more of those Advils. (I ignored the warning, "Do NOT exceed more than 3 in 24 hours, only take one pill every 4 hours. Pffft!)
Gunnar had a game starting at 6:15pm. Even though he's off because of the concussion (they recommend two weeks before returning to the game), players are still expected to show up so we all decided to go. After all, half the fun of drunken debauchery is talking about it the next day. Plus, I wanted to see if everyone else's hangovers were as bad as mine.
Ty dropped me off at my vehicle (we'd left it there) and first thing that hit me when I opened the door... the smell of fish. Those damned stupid effin' smoked fish had sat in there all night and all day. GROSS!
At the arena, our team manager, Nikki (a Type-A if I ever saw one, but it looks good on her), said she had video of us ladies dirty-dancing. I was smug, "No-no-no, it was Robin and Dorothy who were dirty dancing, not me.", "Oooh girl, YOU WISH." Whaaaa?? Then she said her phone had died just as she started recording so there wasn't any 'evidence' to convict us. Phew! LOL
So yeah, that's the story about my night of drunken debauchery... and I'm sticking to it.
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