"Sleep with one eye open, gripping your pillow tight..."

Have you ever had a dream (well, nightmare, I guess) that was so realistic or horrifying or truly emotionally traumatizing that is has stuck with you, and you know you will always remember it? When I was a young child, I had two such nightmares that I remember to this day. In one, I was walking alone through a dark and ominous forest and there were skeletons hanging from all the trees; in the other, I was in the car and my mom ran into the store to get something and some stranger hopped in and drove away with me still in the car, while my mom watched helplessly, both of us screaming and reaching for each other. As an adult, I've had a few nightmares that still stay with me, but those revolve around the idea of my husband and/or kids dying, sometimes in my arms, sometimes I'm far away and witness it happening but can't get there in time to do anything.

Well, last night I had another such nightmare. I was so shaken up by it that I guess I was crying and hyperventilating and shuddering, and I only woke up from it when Tyler rolled over and hugged me to him, "Shhhh babe, shhhh, its okay, wake up, its okay". Even after I awoke, I layed there for about an hour, unable to stop crying or thinking about the dream.

In it, me and everyone I know (hubby, kids, entire extended family, friends, etc) were at a big event, like a wedding, and everyone was staying in this huge beautiful hotel. My friend Christine and I were walking down a hallway when we heard a huge commotion, ran to see, and were tackled by huge guys wearing black. Terrorists had taken over the hotel (don't ask me why my subconscious mind chose terrorists of all things) and were rounding up everyone by the pool. The pool was drained and everyone was pushed in, then chained together, then the water was put back in. I distinctly remember the feel of the cold water rushing over my head and trying to fight the chains to get to my kids to try to help them. A pocket of air was by my nose and somehow I was able to keep breathing underwater, and I remember hoping and praying that Tyler and the kids would be able to do the same. Eventually, the water was drained again and the feelings that rushed through me as I stared at the bodies of all my loved ones were so powerful, so realistic, I don't think I'll ever forget that. For some reason, the terrorists decided to let me go and I had to walk home. (In that magical way of dreams, the hotel was like five minutes from my house.) As I approached the house I just collapsed on the ground, screaming and crying so hard, knowing that I was completely alone in the world, my kids and husband gone, my mom, my brothers, my best friend, everyone. Its just such a horrible, horrible feeling. It was at this point that Tyler woke me up.

Makes you wonder what your subconscious is trying to say, with dreams like that.