I'm assuming that by now, regular blog-readers and family members will know who I refer to when I say Exorcist-Boy, but if not, I'll explain...
About a month ago, No.4 -- Ryder -- came down with a bad cough. He would get into these coughing fits which would turn to gagging, which turned to puking. He learned real quick that puking got an awesome reaction from Mommy. So he continued to do it. Even after the cough was gone. He normally reserves it for when he's crying -- he developed this weird barking cry, which is a sure sign that puke is on its way. Everyone in the family is well-aware of that particular cry and we know to either run for a towel or for cover, lol.
The famous story my mom tells is how, when she was babysitting all 4 for me one night, Ryder started crying and Gunnar said, "Uh oh, that's his puke cry!" Mom was like Huh? Then -- blaghhhhh, all over himself, the floor, my mom... So she came up with the name Exorcist-Boy, you know, from the movie, and the projectile puking...
I kept telling myself This is a phase, he'll stop doing it but its going on more than a month now and the little bugger still does it, ALL THE FRIGGIN' TIME! I'm not worried that he's being starved or getting dehydrated because he still bangs back the bottles and eats handfuls of food [um, meaning he likes to eat with his hands not that I only give him handfuls of food, wanted to clear that up! lol). But its so frustrating and kinda hard on the parental ego, to be basically held hostage by the power the threat of puking has. And that its an almost-one year old that is intentionally tormenting me and flaunting his sheer puke-power over me... argghh!!
You think I'm being dramatic there. No. You don't get it. This child knows what he is doing. He wakes up at night or in the morning, and if I don't get my sleep-dead ass to his bedside with a bottle pronto, yep -- there starts the barking cry. Then a warning gag. (At this point, I'm in the kitchen frantically getting his bottle ready.) If I'm still making him wait, he gets mad, cries louder, and... blagghhhh. If I'm lucky, and this sounds mean, his stomach will be empty and only a little spot of puke will be on his blanket or sleeper. Don't give me that look. What, you're thinking its gross to just wipe off the tiny blob? You would put a new sleeper on the kid, disrupting him while he's sleepily drinking his bottle, potentially riling him up; or that you would take his warm, soft, wrinkled blankie out from under and around him, throwing it in the dirty laundry, and replacing it with a cold, stiff, folded one? Oh, you little dear... us seasoned moms know better.
I sometimes wish I could just do to Ryder what Kate did to her one daughter on Jon & Kate + 8 -- make the kid wear the wet puke-stained clothes all day, as punishment for intentional puking and using that as a threat to get their own way all the time. But her girl was about two, Ryder's turning one next week. It would just be cruel to make a baby wear cold wet clothes when they don't really understand that its punishment. (Also, with the amount of time that kid spends trying to crawl up my legs, or being hauled around on my hip, ugh, no thanks.)
So, he did it to me again the other day. He didn't agree that he should get his diaper changed and started crying when I picked him up. As we're going down the hallway, the particular cry starts up. He gagged, and I could tell it was the real deal. I'm a little embarrassed and horrified to admit that I, uh, covered his mouth with my hand as I rushed towards his bedroom. I guess I wasn't really thinking at that point, it was just panic running through me not common sense (you were right Dad, lol). Else I would have realized that 1) the bathroom would be a more logical place to take a puking kid, with its tiled, not carpeted, floor; 2) there's really no holding back or stopping a puke geyser; and 3) if you DO try to hold it back, it will just find another route to freedom, such as tiny baby nostrils.
Needless to say, both Ryder and I were pretty traumatized by the experience. He continued to leak puke-snot from his nose for an hour afterward. And I got to deal with curdled milk on a black shag rug.
So if anyone's got advice or helpful ways to deal with this puking situation, I'm all ears. I know from experience that eventually he will pass this phase, but I don't know if my washing machine can take much more. Help!
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