To Be (Nice) or Not To Be

I have a serious problem, people... I'm too nice. That's right, I am, why are you laughing? Maybe I should clarify a bit -- I'm too nice to strangers. With my family, I can be bossy, controlling (in a "its-for-your-own-good" way) and if I have an issue with someone, I'll tell it like it is. But when it comes to strangers, especially other women, I tend to suppress all that and take on a little-miss-perfect-and-sweet persona.

Specifically, I'm talking about the awful situation I've created by being too nice to the Jehovah's Witnesses that have been coming over. The first couple times they visited I was genuinely interested in what they had to say. I've always been curious about the different religions, what they stand for, what the differences are between them. So I wanted to know what was the deal with Jehovahs (or JWs). I did learn some new things, for instance -- God has a name (Jehovah); they don't believe in Heaven, as they think when the end of the world comes, evil will be destroyed and "the meek shall inherit the earth" like literally, there will be Heaven on Earth; the main principle of JW is that they follow the bible, well, religiously (haha, like my pun there?), like word-for-word; and that the idea of the Holy Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Ghost), which the JW do not believe in, comes from the Ancient Egyptian days (when the five main super-powers were Egypt, Syria, Rome and 2 others I can't remember), the Egyptians believed in 3 gods (Isis, Ra and the other one) and the idea of 3 gods carried to Rome, where they turned it into the Holy Trinity.

See, now wasn't that interesting? Things like that I enjoy finding out about. However, having the bible "explained" to me, is not. They give out this little booklet with chapters; each chapter talks about a different concept (such as justice, etc) and after each paragraph, there are questions, kind of like a review. Questions that they actually ASK you (to see if you've been paying attention? lol) and you are expected to answer. Now, I hated being put on the spot by the teachers when I was in school, everyone's eyes are on you, my face goes beet red and I can feel the heat-waves coming off me. But at least in school I knew all about the subjects and so I could answer correctly. With the JWs, the one lady in particular, she asks me a question and its like I'm rendered mute. Questions like "How does God feel about justice" and "How does God feel about your suffering?". She asked me those and I felt like a 3-year old being asked something from its preschool teacher. I was like, "Uh, um, God likes justice? He doesn't like my suffering?" I give my answers in a question form because I'm thinking, "WTF? What am I SUPPOSED to say? Doesn't the answer seem obvious? Geezsh! Please, someone phone me and say its an emergency! Please!! Anything, any excuse, to make them leave! Come on Carol, phone me dammit!"

I don't even know how the hell I got into this situation in the first place. After those first two visits, I'd fully planned to make some nice excuses and they would leave and that would be that. But no, even after I tried explaining how I feel about God and religion, tried to explain my unique concept of religion, they just didn't "get it". For every point I raised, they had an 'answer'. I told them that I DO believe in Heaven, I DO believe in spirits and souls and ghosts, I DO believe in reincarnation and fate. I made it plainly obvious that I would never convert, that I don't believe that reading the bible will make me a better person (I'm already a good person, darnit!), that I don't see how reading the bible cover-to-cover will make God love me more. If the bible is like God's diary, his way of letting us get to know and understand Him better (like they believe), that's like saying "Here Gunnar, read my diary, I'll love you more if you understand me better." No! It doesn't work like that when it comes to parental love. You love your child no matter what. So why is it so important that I be an expert on the bible? That's what I tried to explain to them, but of course they just didn't get it.

So after my failed attempt to make them understand, I made the foolish mistake of agreeing to another visit. I was kind of put on the spot - "So, does next Monday work for you?" - and her mother was there so I didn't want to seem rude, and I agreed. Thankfully, she was unable to make the appointment due to a family issue (maybe its not-so-nice to be thankful for someone's family emergency) but then she called here and, because I didn't recognize the cell number and thought it might be Trapper, I picked up. Doh! Suckered into making another appointment! Why, oh why don't I have the guts to just say I'm not interested? Because I'm too damn nice! That appointment fell through as Ryder had just gotten his one-year shots and was wayyyyy cranky. For which I was immensely grateful. Then, THEN, I did it again, answered the phone because I didn't recognize the number. So that arranged visit happened just the other day. Beforehand, I'd rehearsed in my head what I would say, something like 'I really like you Gwen and I'd love to visit with you, but without the bible'. But then she brought her sister and her sister's little 16-month-old. I can't reject her in front of her family! DOH!

So she's coming over AGAIN next Monday, hopefully alone, and HOPEFULLY I will have grown some balls by then so I can finally stop this madness and get back to my heathen lifestyle. Haha. Pray for me guys. (That's a joke, you got that right? LOL)