I'm being held hostage

Okay, so some of you ladies will know EXACTLY what I mean when I explain. I am married to an obsessive fisherman/hunter, and every November my house becomes over-run with hunting gear. I've told Tyler (ranted, raged) that all that stuff needs to be contained downstairs, I WILL NOT have it upstairs. That's my space. But downstairs, what do I care, right?

Well, he listened, though he seemed to ignore the part where I said "contained" -- I was thinking he'd keep everything in bins or at least black garbage bags. No. Instead, he chose to drape all his hunting clothes and gear over every available surface in our downstairs livingroom. The desk -- covered with no-scent stuff and ammo, etc. The couch and the lamps -- covered with camo clothes, pants, shirts, gloves, coats, etc. I couldn't even look at that area whenever I'd go downstairs else I'd have an anxiety attack about the mess. I told myself "Just get through November, you can do it, when December rolls around it'll all get put away."

So its now December and just as I'd thought (hoped, wished, agonized over) Tyler is in the process of putting everything away. But FIRST, he said, he has to wash all his hunting clothes. OH GOD, I thought, not this again!!

You see, my hubby is a FIRM believer in using no-scent stuff on his hunting stuff. He's convinced he will never get a huge monster buck if it can smell him coming. So this means ALL his stuff MUST be washed with no-scent laundry soap. And not just that -- the washing machine and dryer CANNOT be "tainted" with regular laundry soap before he uses them. So before he does his laundry, he runs two EMPTY loads through the washer with his special soap to get rid of the "taint". Then, he BANS me from the laundry room (how DARE he?!) because my "woman scent" will somehow magically infuse the room and everything in it and will get on his hunting stuff. AARRGHH!!

So he started this process yesterday and warned me NOT to go in the laundry room for at least three days (just as well 'cause I'd probably have a shit-fit if I went in there and saw the ginormous chaotic mess he's creating). Now, I'm cool with him doing his own laundry and needing some time to get it all done. "Some time" in my mind constitutes one day, maybe two if I'm being nice -- it DOES NOT mean three days. Three friggin' days!! We are a household of SIX, do you have any idea how much laundry is created in three days!?

So I asked him this morning how many loads of his stuff he'd done and when can I expect my laundry room back? I asked quite nicely, in my opinion. He thought I was giving him a hard time and had a little freak out, "What?! I haven't even started! There was a hamper of your stuff in there so I thought I'd be nice and do that for you before I did my own stuff." To which I then freaked out (because I'm picky-picky and I like my laundry done a certain way, like, oh say, NOT putting dirty underwear and socks in with the towels, things like that, lol), "WHAT?!? You haven't even started?! This is day two of your three-day time allowance, there's NO WAY you'll be done by tomorrow if you haven't even STARTED!" Then he got more pissy, "Hey, at least I did your laundry for you! I had to waste my own no-scent stuff on YOUR laundry so it wouldn't taint the machine! You should be thanking me! And I can't help it if it takes me longer than three days, I work long hours so I can only do my laundry before-and-after work!" I replied, quite logically in my mind, "Well then, let ME do it, it'll be done by the end of the day. That should make you happy, right? I'll even fold it all for you!" (See, aren't I nice?) He spazzed out, "You are NOT allowed in that room, remember! And don't even think of touching my stuff with your woman-scent! I'll have to re-wash everything!"

So at that point, I chose to "exit" the conversation. He took that as a sign he'd "won" (stupid man) and went to work a happy camper (or, hunter, rather). Meanwhile, I'm standing at the sink doing dishes, muttering under my breath, "Stupid man, holding me hostage in my own home. What is the world coming to when a woman can't even go in her own laundry room? Woman-scent, hah! I should rub my boobs all over his stupid clothes! Muahahahaa!!! Ohgod, I can't believe I can't do laundry, I'm going insane! The dirty laundry hampers are piling up and taunting me!"

So that is the situation at my house right now. If you happen to see me and I'm wearing the same clothes you saw me in two days ago and there's stains on the pants and my shirt is wrinkled, have some pity on me, okay? Just say "stupid man" and shake your head, and I'll be happy.