The Rom

I recently read a series of books by Lisa Kleypas that follow the Hathaway family of four daughters and one son, set in Regency England (1800s), as each one finds their true love and HEA. What was so interesting about this particular series is that two of the daughters fall in love with Gypsy men. The daughters were not upper-crust, or part of the ton, as they would say, they lived simply in the country and were brought up with liberal, progressive-minded parents who raised them to think independently; the girls were brought up discussing politics, religion, astronomy, philosophy, science, etc. And so these girls became strong, independent, well-versed, intelligent women (known as bluestockings) who were unafraid to speak their mind and were knowledgeable on "men's" matters. Anyway... the oldest daughter fell in love with a Gypsy man (with long hair and a diamond earring! Quite shocking in those days, lol) and he became the head of their household. A few years later, the family 'adopted' a wild, dangerous Gypsy boy (really, he was about 14) that they found beaten black and blue in the woods. He became part of their family and eventually married the second daughter (their story was my favorite as he fell in love with her at first sight and through their many trials and tribulations, finally came to believe he was worthy and deserving of her).


What was so interesting and captivating about these books was the way the family adopted many of the Rom beliefs and its culture (living off the land, knowledge of herbs, plants, etc, Romany sayings and customs, etc). 


One such belief concerned death itself, in particular ghosts. The Rom believe that after death, a person may grieve for a set amount of time but then it is imperative to let the person go, as strong emotions as grief, sorrow, etc actually bind the deceased's soul to earth, and to the grieving individual. If such grieving continues for a lengthy amount of time, the deceased soul actually becomes a ghost and will haunt that person. (In the son's book, his prolonged grief for his childhood sweetheart sets him on a dark path of self-destruction and he is haunted by memories, grief and regret, to such an extent that he literally does become haunted by her ghost.  Finally he lets her go and her soul is released; he then moves on and finds his own HEA.)


If you're interested, the books are, in order (click on the link for an excerpt):


Mine Til Midnight, Amelia's story
Amelia is the eldest of the eccentric Hathaway family who have unexpectedly joined the ranks of the aristocracy.  In this excerpt, Cam Rohan, a sexy half-gypsy, saves Amelia from the thing she fears most . . .


Seduce Me at Sunrise, Win's story
Win has been an invalid ever since she suffered a near-fatal case of scarlet fever. Merripen, a Romany Gypsy taken in by the Hathaway family when he was a boy, has always kept his fierce passion for Win a secret . . . 


Tempt Me at Twilight, Poppy's story
Poppy Hathaway, who has always longed for an ordinary life, has been abandoned by her true love and has only one way to avoid scandal—to marry Harry Rutledge, a mysterious hotel owner and man of many secrets . . . 


Married by Morning, Leo's story

Leo, Lord Ramsay, makes the unwelcome discovery that he and the other Hathaways may lose their beloved Ramsay House . . . unless he marries immediately and sires a son within a year.

Love in the Afternoon, Beatrix's story

Captain Christopher Phelan has been corresponding with beautiful Prudence Mercer while he was away fighting. What he doesn't know is that Prudence's letters were written by her best friend, Beatrix Hathaway. 

Okay, so, setting the books aside for a moment, I was so intrigued by the Rom's beliefs concerning death, grief and ghosts, that I did a little research...


- the Gypsy dislike of ghosts, and of the continuing identity of the dead as entities which may wish to continue relationships with the living 


- It was a great fear among the survivors that the dead might return in some supernatural form to haunt the living. It is for this reason that the name of the dead should not be mentioned,even if as it was traditional to pass on the names from father to son or mother to daughter, they would spell it different or use a nickname, so as not to anger the spirit of their dead relative.


- It is believed that after one year the deceased soul is released to raio, heaven. Called 'opening the road', the ritual consists of placing a lighted candle on a small raft and sending it downstream to light the way to the other world. Anniversaries of a person's death are commemorated in a ceremony called and'o vas, literally 'out of the hand'. Through such observances the line between past generations and the present is blurred, and the belief that, despite the loss of individual members, the Romania will continue is reinforced in the minds of those left behind. 


- Many centuries in the past, the Roma were some of the last Goddess-worshipers in Europe. Their Goddess, Kali, was viewed as a trinity. Her symbol was a triangle. A male Horned God also played a prominent role. The similarities between ancient Roma belief and that of Wicca are obvious. These beliefs have long been abandoned by the Roma.


- An antic belief among Roma - still surprisingly common nowadays - is that the dead have the freedom of travelling back and forth between the world of the living and the world of the dead. Many Roma are extremely afraid of the dead. These "living dead" are called čoxano or čovaxano - simply ghosts. Ghosts are those dead whose soul, for one reason or another remained trapped in this world. 


- They believe that a person can be reincarnated as another human or animal. Alternatively, they might appear as a muló or "living dead", seeking revenge on anyone who harmed him during his life on earth.