Never ass-u-me

You know the old saying: Never assume, it makes an ass of u (you) and me.

I'd been feeling a bit low, thinking that my two besties were mad at me or something.

My one bff, Kelly, had come over from Australia with her family this summer and other than one night of partying at the Monkey Top together, we didn't see hide-nor-hair of them for the rest of their trip. At first I was concerned, then curious, then annoyed, and finally, just plain worried that maybe I did something to offend her. I couldn't get a hold of her, it was like they'd just dropped off the planet. I later discovered that none of her friends had seen her or been able to reach her. So that was worrying, and odd. I left a few message on her facebook wall but still nothing, no reply.

Then my other bff, Christine, became unreachable. We'd made loose plans to try to go camping together sometime this summer. She was only available for two weekends, and one of those was out as she had other plans. So it looked like that one weekend, the one after the long weekend in September, was our only option. Chris found an awesome campsite near Stettler, Old McDonald's Farm, that had everything from a convenience store, petting zoo, beach, playgrounds, bike paths, you name it. It sounded very exciting. Unfortunately, I soon realized that Gunnar's AA hockey tryouts would be that weekend, so I left her a message to that affect. And that was it, I didn't hear from her again for weeks afterward. I called again and again, leaving messages, probably sounding like a desperate stalker. Looked like I'd did it again, somehow offended one of my besties.

So at that point, I resigned myself to being a poor loner, friendless and socially inept.

Then, the other day I got a call from Kelly. And found out the real story. Turned out that one of her husband Curtis's best friends had passed away after a lengthy battle with a brain tumour. Being that the widow's in-laws were handling it very poorly (didn't want a funeral; had kept the news from her that the husband had slipped into a coma - a sign of impending death - until after he'd passed away, basically denying her those last few moments, even telling her not to come visit that night because he was fine), of course Curtis and Kelly drove straight there to Saskatchewan to help her and provide support, plan the funeral, etc. Then, after dealing with that heart-breaking situation and doing everything they could for the widow, Kelly's father got his nose out of joint over something and basically started a huge fight, with name-calling and harsh words. Poor Kelly, to already be overwhelmed with grief, stressed out over other matters, and then this. So that was it for her, they packed and returned to Australia. And who can blame her? I'd be done with the whole situation, too.

We had a great talk and though I really felt for her, I couldn't help but be relieved that I wasn't the reason for her 'disappearance'.

Then, a few days after that, I received an email from Christine. And was once again shown to be an 'ass' for assuming. Turned out that poor pregnant Christine has been working herself to the bone, picking up extra shifts whenever she could in order to have enough hours to qualify for maternity leave. On top of that, their house sold and they were given two weeks to vacate! My poor girl, I can't even imagine how stressful that all must be. Working like mad, trying to pack up, making all those arrangements that come with a move (new living quarters, cancelling the utilities and phone accounts, setting up new ones, etcetc), being pregnant and tired and nauseous, and having to look after two children age three and under. This is a person who truly deserves the Woman of the Year award!

So I have learned a very valuable lesson here. When you make an assumption about someone, you are basing that on your own personal experiences or thoughts; it is never that simple, or easy. There are myriad possibilities or reasons why someone might do something or act a certain way, and to assume that you know why is a huge injustice to that person. In most cases, it is the complete opposite of what you have assumed. So its best to just keep your thoughts to yourself until you know the whole story. Better to find out later that you are indeed an ass, rather than to have the other person know it for a fact!