Its Official: I am "lame and embarrassing", LOL

Its a sad sad day when your five year old daughter, recently crowned Miss Diva-Fashionista, thinks you are "lame and embarrassing."

Care to know what brought that on?

A music video came on and I started dancing around our livingroom like a nut. A nut with excellent dancing skills and rhythm, in my opinion. I love that song, though! Lena groaned and buried her face in her hands.

And do you want to know what song and video it was that earned me the status of "lame and embarrassing"?

Five Question Friday

1. Do you know how to play a musical instrument?
I can play a tiny bit of piano by ear, and if you gave me a ukulele I could probably pick out 'Ode to Joy' (thanks Mr Billous! <-- grade 6 music teacher)

2. What is your pet peeve while driving?
Oooooo, do not even get me started. You know, I never used to have road rage, back in my beginner driving days. I don't know if its just that driving with Hubs has rubbed off on me over the years or that people nowadays have their heads up their asses. But there are some times when I literally have to make myself count to ten and take deep breaths so I don't become one of those roadrageaholics you see screaming and honking and sticking the middle finger out the window. The drivers that piss me off the worst are the ones who:

• don't use their signal light, or the ones who wait until the verrrry last second to put it on. I especially hate those ones; they see you stopped, waiting for them to go by and at the last second put on their light and turn, when if they would have had some common courtesy they'd have signalled as soon as they saw you stopped so you could have made your right turn and not sat there for five minutes.
• drive too slow in the fast lane, arrrghhh! Pull over and let me by, idiot!
• pull out into the fast lane right in front of you
• there they are, sitting at the stop sign, but rather than let you go by and then pull out after you, no they figure they have to hit the gas and make it before you do, because heaven forbid they have to wait ten seconds (for both this peeve and the one above, when these people ignorantly pull out in front of me, I do not slam on the brakes and let a respectful distance between us, no I ride their ass so they know what a-holes they are)
• people that ride my ass (haha). Hey, its not rude when I do it, because I am doing it to teach the other person a lesson, whereas they are doing it to me in the hope that I will speed up. Well, listen up jerks-who-ride-my-ass-in-the-hope-that-I-will-speed-up, I am most likely already speeding, though not more than 10 over the limit, and I am not willing to be your ticket-taker just so you can make it to work five minutes earlier.
• people that take too long to turn at a green-arrow light. Do they not realize there are about ten cars behind them that also need to turn and we don't appreciate their one km/hr turn that is using up all the precious green-arrow-turning time!
• people that think they have enough time to pass you even though there is obvious traffic in the other lane. Hey, thanks for the gray hairs, I appreciate it. That's right, you idiot, slow down and get back in behind me because I for sure am not going to slow down and let you hastily pull in front of me with inches to spare between our vehicles.

3. Would you rather have a housekeeper or unlimited spa services?

Ohmygod, what a stupid question. Hmmm, let me think... derrrrrr. Oh man, could you even imagine the sheer awesomeness of having a housekeeper? I'd be like, "Oh, you missed a spot on the wall there." Hahah.

4. Is there a song that you hear that will take you back to the moment, like a junior high or high school dance?

Every time I hear More Than Words by Extreme, I remember my first junior high dance with Tyson Pages. Unskinny Bop brings me back to the grade six Camp Alexo trip, and the entire Motley Crue Dr Feelgood album reminds me of driving up to the West Ed Waterpark for Nicky Demarce's birthday (her older sister was driving and was a typical hair-metal groupie, blasting the music and we all sang along).

5. What song best represents your life right now?
Wow, this is kind of a hard question for me. Is there even a song out there that could properly convey what my life is currently like: trying to be a healthy positive role model to my kids, working out, keeping house, adoring my husband, spending time with my family and friends, taking each day as it comes, trying to keep everything on track. You know -- LIFE.

But, as of right this second, just having went out onto the deck, so beautiful outside, I'd say Soak Up the Sun by Sheryl Crow. :)

Fave New Website: Confessions of a Cashier

I just happened across this site one day and it has become one of my new favorites. Its about exactly what it sounds like: tales of a convenience store cashier. Reminds me a lot of when I waitressed, some of the situations and the sheer stupidity/rudeness/ignorance/disgustingness of people. This chick cracks me up though, and the tales she has to tell... WOW.

Here's an excerpt of a post that made me laugh...

"Well it was another wonderful weekend as usual working at the store.

This time I was stocking products onto the shelves. And one thing I've noticed when stocking is that no matter where I am in the store, someone will always decide that they have to look at the exact product that I'm trying to stock.

It's always the same; they will be walking past me but then see me there and stop. They will peer over my shoulder to see what I'm doing and continue to stand close enough that I can feel their breath on my neck. They will continue to stand there until I'm forced to say 'Oh, did you need me to move so you can look at this product?' and they'll say 'Oh no, you're fine.' and continue to stand behind me.

So I've learned that the best way to stop people from doing this to me is to make sure my butt crack is showing.I will purposely wear low-riding jeans so that every time I bend down, my crack will be showing. If you don't think this works, trust me, it does.

No normal person wants to see another person's crack. I, personally, don't enjoy showing my crack, but it sure does keep people away from me.

If you work in retail, try it sometime. Or if you are a customer and notice an employee's crack, that is code to stay far away from that person. They are just trying to do their job."

Here's another classic one...

"It's funny watching people get all freaked out and nervous when their total comes to $6.66.

Some people start to look a little pale, others look around uncomfortably as if the Devil is lurking just around the corner ready to steal their pack of smokes...or steal their soul, whichever comes first.

Usually I'll play it up too, and go "Uh, oh, you better buy something else" just so we sell more.

I've learned that Satan's numbers are great for business. People will be quick to buy anything just to get $6.66 off the screen. I usually suggest they purchase something we need to get rid of, or something that's expiring soon.

I've never seen anyone smile or go "Cool!" when their total is $6.66. Usually I'm the one smiling because I know we'll sell more.

Sometimes I'll try to get people to play the lottery with 666, but I rarely get any takers.

I wonder if I can rig something in the store to automatically play an evil Satan-ish laugh when someone gets that number. My guess is that a lot of people would piss themselves. On second thought, bad idea. That means more clean-up for me."

I'm getting a haircut!!

I'm sure we all remember the utter fiasco that was my last hair cut. That was back in January, I believe. Well its now nearing the end of June and I haven't gotten another cut in all that time. Mainly because I was so horribly traumatized that I couldn't bring myself to put all my trust in another stylist.

But the countdown to the wedding is officially on... well, actually, the countdown to the stagette is on (two more sleeps), and I realized the other day that my hair is an utter disaster. NO WAY can I attend either event looking like this. Oh no, you'll say, it looks fine! Quit being nice, it looks like a frizzled frazzled mess, with uneven pieces, no bounce or body, and the back is just plain bad. Of course, all this is because I took it upon myself to cut my own hair a while back. Just grabbed hunks of hair and lopped them off at chin length. Looked semi-fine at the time, enough to get me by anyway. But now, months later, my hair is almost to my shoulders and all those imperfections are becoming very noticeable. Its fricking embarrassing!

So I have an appointment tomorrow in Red Deer at a salon called Urban Easel, I'm so excited, and these are the two pictures I've found that will give you an idea what I'm going for...

They're very similar, other than the side part and the fact that one looks messy-sexy and the other is stylish-cute. I'm looking for something that's a little of both, sexy-stylish. And I'd like to keep as much length as possible -- still pretty traumatized from that other haircut.

I'll let you know how it all turns out and I'll post a pic, too.

Unless its another horrible haircut and then I'll just be wearing a hat to the stagette and wedding, I guess.

My new bff: Chalene Johnson

Isn't she just so stinkin' cute?

She doesn't know she's my new bff, though, seeing as how she's a famous fitness guru and celebrity. And of course, the creator and star of Turbo Jam (and ChaLEAN Extreme, Turbo Kick, Turbo Fire, etc). But in my mind, we're buds and she loves to give me advice on fitness and losing weight. I'm a follower of her blog, which is full of recipes and fitness advice, things of that nature.

I just recently came across a blog post she did about why its so hard for us "long-term dieters" (as in, life-long dieters) to lose weight, and more specifically, to lose fat. If you're interested you should read the post in its entirety, but here are a few highlights to give you the gist of it:

"Millions of people, and especially women suffer from the consequences of years of trying to restrict calories.

Perhaps the most common complaint I hear from women is “I’m cutting my calories, but I can’t live like this and I’m not losing weight like I used to!”

For years people have been told it’s simple a numbers game. Burn more than you consume and you’ll lose weight. We also often hear this magic number of “1200″ calories. But these two notions, though fairly accurate, only tell part of the picture and this picture is drastically different if you are a life time dieter!

Though true, what’s flawed in these simple statements (which I too have used to oversimplify a complex machine) is that the body can and does quickly adapt to a diet of excessive deprivation (well below your caloric requirements) and will slow your Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR). In essence, when you dip below your BMR in calories consumed for an extended period of time, you trigger your body to activate “starvation mode”. The body, being a well equipped machine finds a way of burning fewer calories than are available.

Ironically, in our youth, when we have a considerable amount of muscle, our bodies are new and unfamiliar with the rapid weight loss game. Weight loss and weight maintenance are easy! The cycle begins when people try to “diet” their weight off, as opposed to proper nutrition and changing their body composition (i.e. add exercise and muscle). One of the most frustrated groups of individuals are those over 30, 40 and 50 who see that year after year weight loss becomes more difficult. It’s not the age…its the body composition that makes dieting difficult.

So even though at face value it should seem that if you are consuming less than you are burning, you should be losing weight, the bottom line is this…. If you're not providing enough fuel to your body to nearly support your BMR, your BMR will slow accordingly.

So… how do we increase our BMR???

Listen up long term dieters… YOU MUST EAT ENOUGH CALORIES TO SUPPORT YOUR BMR! And it’s time to get over it… YOU HAVE TO EXERCISE IF YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE YOUR BODY COMPOSITION. Its the only hope you have.

Get over it people! You are going to have to lift weights! Just 3x a week! And guess what… You’re going to feel better! A lot better!

Is it possible to reverse what you thought was a metabolism slowing due to your age? YES!!

When working to increase your metabolism (which is ultimately the goal if you want to eat more and come in a smaller package) remember that muscle is an active tissue. It’s requirements are far greater than fat. Fat is this mushy, lumpy, yellowy stuff that requires very little to sustain itself, but takes up a lot of space. Lean muscle tissue on the other hand requires are great deal of calories to sustain. It’s firm! It’s tight! It’s red with blood and healthy tissue that makes life easier and fat burning a breeze! Muscle burns fat!

To do this means taking the time to “get it right” and as unpopular as it may be, to know the amount of calories you’re consuming per day, at least in this “getting it right” stage."

Chalene uses a woman, 'Cherrie', as an example. "She hadn’t exercised in over 20 years and told me she had be starving herself and making terrible food choices for years, resulting in more and more weight gain. For her stature she was at least 60 pounds overweight. A part of me doubted her when she told me she was “barely eating a thing.” I thought..”Yeah right!” That is until I saw the data from her BMR testing. Her BMR was 700 calories a day! What?? No wonder she was putting on weight no matter what she did."

Cherrie started Chalene's program called ChaLEAN Extreme. "On day 1, Cherrie was burning only 700 calories a day, starvation by most standards. Her body fat was over 35%! She admittedly hated exercise and explained that most days she tried to avoid eating anything until dinner. She explained she had a habit of picking and snacking to get her through, but always felt hungry and deprived. At dinner she would often over-eat, but still tried to restrict her calories. She said she woke up every day feeling exhausted, run down, defeated and depressed. She looked 10 years older than her true age. Despite her attempts to cut calories, her body had learned to accommodate by burning fewer and fewer, making weight gain a certain probability.

What happened after 90 days of eating every 2.5 hours and lifting 3x a week? What happened after we started giving her body the fuel it needed and changing her composition? Well, at first, Cherrie hated it. I would say she hated me for the first two weeks. She even gained a few pounds those first few weeks, but she trusted me and stuck with it! After the 2nd week it was obvious she was losing weight. But weight loss alone wasn’t my goal for her. I wanted to change her BMR! At the end of 3 months we went back to the doctor and tested her again. She had lost over 40 pounds and not one ounce of that was muscle. In fact, in the process of losing fat, she actually gained muscle! We reduced her body fat by over 50%! Huge! We increased her BMR to nearly 1400! That’s amazing! Even the doctors were astonished. Most rewarding for me was the day she reported she was now off her blood pressure medication, the depression had lifted and her boys had their old mom back!"

So now I have a good idea why I haven't been losing weight at the rate I was expecting. In addition to the Turbo Jam cardio I've been doing, I need to increase my weight-lifting workouts, Turbo Sculpt, to 3x a week; as well as eating "mini-meals" every 2.5 hours. We all know what a mini-meal is, right? Something as simple as 1/2 cup of cottage cheese with a piece of fruit, you get the idea. So that's the new plan for my WLJ. We'll see what results I get.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I've decided to change my results weigh-in... instead of recording measurements every 30 days, I'm going to do it every 30 workouts. THEN we'll see some serious changes, I'm sure of it. (I haven't been able to bring myself to do the measurements for this month's weigh-in because for every pound little Lena lost during her illness, I gained.)

Wish me luck!

Peeve of the Week: Stupid People

And by stupid, I mean the ones that are either intentionally ignorant or are just completely oblivious to their idiocy.

Case in point: I was driving down Lakeshore the other day, heading east past the marina. If you've been down there recently you know that there is road construction and lane size is greatly reduced. Traffic was a bit heavy and it was a tight squeeze for vehicles to make it past each other. To the right of my vehicle were two people riding bicycles, a man and woman. The woman, smartly, was riding on the sidewalk; however, her idiot man-friend was riding his bike right on the road, half in my lane. There were a few cars coming toward me so I had to hit the brakes and inch along behind him until they passed me. Then I was able to swerve around him. Rolled down my window, leaned over and yelled to him, "DUDE! Get on the sidewalk! You're going to get hit, DUH!!" then drove away. Saw in my rear mirror that he quickly moved up onto the sidewalk and his woman-friend was shaking her head at him.

What a bonehead!

Lena the Photog

Some of these pics Lena took using the self-portrait option. There's a few that'll make you laugh out loud, you'll know why when you see them (perfect teenage blackmail material, muahaha).

More pics of No.3&4

Lena's welts: allergic reaction

Little Lena was released from the hospital on Friday, and we returned Monday night, just minutes shy of midnight, because of this...


I'd been told by Dr Bester (the bestest pediatrician ever) that she should stay home for one week to give her immune system, specifically her white blood cells, time to regroup and replenish. I took that to mean limiting her contact with other, germ-carrying, people. I didn't think about allergic reactions. Who would though, right? Apparently, when the immune system has been under an extended viral attack, as it recovers it over-reacts to what it considers threats. Something a person wasn't allergic to before, now the super-sensitive immune system picks up on. I'm fairly certain it was the strawberries she ate that night; Tyler went through something similar with kiwis a while back and strawberries are related to kiwi and can have the same effect.

The ER doctor, upon reviewing her history, said that this was most likely a secondary reaction to the viral infection and that even with the epinephrine shot and benadryl given to her that night, the welts would remain for up to three days. I was to continue with the benadryl every 4-6 hours as needed for itch relief. We finally made it back home around 4:30 a.m., tucked our exhausted little ones back into bed, then collapsed in our own bed; up a couple hours later to start the daily grind. (For those of you wondering, we left the two older boys at home sleeping and took Ryder with us. I woke up Gunnar, explained the situation, gave him the phone just in case, and away we went. Tyler stayed in my Suzi with Ryder, trying to sleep, while I was in the ER with Lena.)

This was her back the next day, not near as bad. But that's because as the welts abated in one area, they infilatrated new ones. Day 2 saw her arms and neck, hands and thighs covered.

And here we have Day 3. This is how she looked when she woke up, puffy eyes and red swollen skin all around them, on her cheeks and chin. I...FER-EAKED...OUT!!! Called Dr Bester's office immediately, left a message that it was regarding Milena Kasha, and he returned my call right away. Lena is his little "wonder", his "star", so of course he was concerned. He confirmed what the ER doctor said about secondary reaction, that is was most likely an allergic reaction to something, and that it was a very good sign that there was no sign of fever or breathing problems. However he still wanted her looked at right away, her chest listened to, just to be safe. Three hours in a waiting room later (poor Lena wearing her little face mask the entire time), the doctor reassured me her breathing and heart were fine, throat was fine; gave us a prescription for a steroid-based syrup that would help with the welts.

Today she is doing much better. Her face is all cleared, the medicine is obviously working, and almost all the redness over her body has faded. There are no obvious welts anymore, either. I'm so thankful she is getting better. Tomorrow we have an appointment with Dr Bester, he has some results for us from all her blood work, so I'm looking forward to that. I'd like some closure in all this, to be able to say with 100% certainty that it definitely was Fifth Disease.

And of course, Lena has a beautiful hand-made thank you card to give her most favorite doctor. "Because he's 'bester' than all the other ones, get it?"

Random pics, Lena & Ryder