Came across this quote just now and its perfectly apt for the day I've had.
“Patience serves as a protection against wrongs as clothes do against cold. For if you put on more clothes as the cold increases, it will have no power to hurt you. So in like manner you must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind.”
Leonardo da Vinci
I've been struggling lately with this concept, patience. Sometimes during a moment of stress its easier to just give in to the burst of temper and impatience. But then I remember two things, two important events really, that have influenced who I am as a parent, and I can draw a deep breath and talk in a soft voice and handle it calmly and most importantly, lovingly.
These two events are from my childhood, and they really show the kind of parents I had.
One time, I was in the kitchen with my mom, I think helping her make supper, and I went to grab the glass cylinder container we kept the spaghetti in. Fumbled it... broken. My mom was clearly devastated, as that had been her grandmother's. I cringed, feeling so bad for breaking it but knowing I deserved the yelling that was sure to follow. Instead, my mom turned urgent and asked, "Are you hurt? Are you okay? Did the glass cut you?" I clearly remember thinking that I had the best, most loving, most caring mother ever, that she would be more worried about if I got a cut than upset about her sentimental heirloom.
The second event occurred with my dad and brothers. I witnessed it on videotape, as an adult viewing ancient home movies, and it just struck such a chord in me, as a parent, and as a daughter watching her dad and feeling blessed anew. In the videotape, Dad and my two little brothers, Trapper and Levi, were in the kitchen. They must have been around 2 & 4, maybe a bit older. Dad is videotaping the two boys as they sit at the table and drink chocolate milk. Dad is narrating, as usual, in his melodious deep voice, making little jokes that go right over the boys' heads but he knows the viewer will catch. Suddenly, angelic little 2 yr old Levi, with his big dark eyes, blond ringlets and pink cheeks, spills his chocolate milk. It spreads across the table and drips on the floor. Both boys freeze, their eyes shoot to my dad. Nothing, no reaction. Dad keeps talking in his soft-spoken voice, doesn't mention the milk. The boys look at each other, back to dad. Finally, Dad says "Did you spill your milk Levi?" nod "That's okay, Daddy's got it." Doesn't clean up the milk, just leaves it, and keeps talking to the boys about maybe going for a jeep ride later, etc. The look of total adoration in Levi's eyes makes me tear up just remembering it.
Throughout my ten-year span of being a parent, I've taken those lessons learned to heart and practiced them with my own kids. When one of the kids falls or breaks something or anything like that, the first words out of my mouth are always, "Are you okay? Are you hurt?" (Yeah, sure at first I had to really remind myself to say this, when all I was thinking was that was brand new!) But make that your priority every time and soon its instinctive; their safety and well-being is bottom line, so anything else is secondary. And when they see that that is your first response, worry and care for them... it is a special moment between parent and child. Or it can be. Same with if something is accidentally spilled, its not the end of the world. Blowing up over something so trivial is wasted emotion. A simple reassurance that its okay, just a spill, just an accident and suddenly their shoulders are a little straighter, heads lifted, awed by your patience and grace. (That's what I tell myself, that I have patience and grace, lol.)
Its funny how some small thing, some action, can have such a huge impact on someone's life.
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