I guess "pervs" like me can still blush...

Lucky, lucky me. Yesterday, I went for that lovely, special visit to the doctor that us ladies must do on a yearly basis (well, bi-yearly for me). You can feel my joy, can't you. I was just expecting the pap but I guess the nurse booked me down for a full physical. Niiiice. So I had to get my height and weight done (the nurse kindly converted the kgs to lbs for me, geezsh), the blood pressure cuff wasn't working or something and he did it three times, my arm felt like it was going to explode and fall off. And, I had to get a breast exam.

Now, I don't know about the rest of you ladies out there, but I despise breast exams. Yes, yes, I realize they are necessary for good breast health, blah blah. But its so embarrassing. To me, even more so than the pap. Don't ask me why I feel that way. I totally wasn't expecting it, either. You'd think after the weighing I would've clued in that I was getting the 'full' treatment there, but I didn't. Until he gestured towards the dressing gown and said I should lie back. Ack. I awkwardly fumbled the gown down and laid back, arms overhead, and I could feel how fiery red my face was. Again, I have no clue why this makes me so uncomfortable. I mean, this doctor has seen me through three pregnancies and deliveries, he's seen me buck naked and straining to eject squirming babies from my sweaty body. But laying there on the table, naked from the waist up, spread out like a virgin sacrifice (heh), all I could think was, "Oh god, please don't let my nipples get hard!" Haha, how stupid is that? But I don't want the doctor to think I'm a perv that gets off on having strange men fondle me. Thankfully, my niblets obeyed.

I haven't had a breast exam in years, so I guess its a good thing, and I can say that I definitely learned a lesson from that one time. Back then, I was completely taken off guard and as I laid back on the table that time, it hit me that I was so completely unprepared for it that I hadn't even shaved my armpits!! Oh god, the horror, shame and embarrassment! It traumatized me so badly that ever since I've always made sure to shave the day before my appointment, just in case. And in this case, it was a good thing.

So anyway, we'll fast forward through the other part of the exam (if only we really could fast forward through it in real life, eh?). My doc really is a nice guy and after I mentioned that I was stressing out over having to go off my awesome, skin-clearing birth control, he kindly prescribed me an entire year of the stuff (after going through my family history, to make sure I wouldn't have complications from it). So I left the office in a good mood.

My grandma Deanna was watching the two babies at her house so I decided I'd head on over to Chapters and use the gift card Levi got me for my birthday. There's three books I've been desperate to buy for a few months now and I was so excited to snap them up. I found the first one easily enough, in the romance section, but I just couldn't find the other two. I must've searched every row, even though they're all organized alphabetically by the author's last name. Finally, I went to the computer and searched for them; it showed that there were lots of copies of both books so I went back to the romance section, thinking I somehow overlooked them. Still no luck. Went back to the computer and stood there in confusion. Finally, I saw a Chapters employee heading towards me.

She was an older woman, I'd say late-70s maybe, still spry and energetic looking, but definitely older. I didn't think anything of it at the time, but later I wondered if I shouldn't have asked a younger person my own age. Anyway... she entered the book titles in the computer, showed me how to print them off, then showed me on the screen where it tells you the book section to look for.

When I asked her why I wasn't finding them in the romance section, she loudly said, "Because these books are classified as EROTICA." There was no hint of censure or disgust in her voice or expression, but I could feel it coming off her in waves. People browsing bookstands nearby turned towards me upon hearing that word, eyebrows raised, probably thinking, "Huh, never wouldn't guessed a woman like her would be into that." For the second time that day, I turned beet red. Stuttered a bit, tried to laugh it off, show that witch I was a confident, unashamed, forward-thinking woman of the world (which I usually am).

She led me over to the section, which is buried behind the boring stuff, like science books and manuals. Chapters probably did that intentionally to preserve their clients 'dignity' -- so it looks like us pervs are actually rocket scientists, browsing science and tech mags. Haha.

Now, you'd think having led me, the jaded pervert, to the section that she'd be on her merry way, but no. She had to browse through all the books, looking for my two, raising her eyebrows at some of the titles (god, if I thought I was blushing before it was nothing compared to seeing the titles and cover pages of some of those books, I really did feel like a disgusting sex pervert). Then, like she was doing me a favor, she handed me my two books and told me to feel free to continue browsing. I graciously thanked her for all her help, then lit out of there to the checkout. What a witch.

And hey, turned out that I knew the cashier. I thought she looked familiar, and when I asked her if she used to work at the Sylvan library, she looked at me blankly for a second, until I said, "Remember? I used to come in and we'd drool over the hot guys on the covers of the books I was checking out?" Then she knew instantly who I was. "Oh yeah! Hey, remember that one book where the guy was buck naked with just the woman's hair over his area?" We laughed hilariously at that, just like we did back then. I guess she's an author (of erotic fiction no less, see - I'm not the only perv out there, lol) and she has a book coming out next week, it'll be in Chapters. Might have to check that out. I asked her if she got to choose the guy on the cover of her book or even meet him and she sighed and said, "I WISH! No, the publisher does that." We both looked sadly at each other, then burst out laughing again.

So that was my day yesterday. I probably don't have to tell you what I did for the rest of the day after I got home. Lets just say that my housework and chores were sadly neglected, and supper was a couple hours late. And when anyone tried to distract me from reading, they learned not to get between a perv and her drug of choice. LOL!