Five Question Friday

1. Is there something you've always wanted to try but just can't muster up the courage to actually do yet?

Perform a striptease for Hubs. Tell off a certain someone who delights in backhanded-complimenting me all the time. Dye my hair cherry-red. Sunbathe topless on my deck (with no kids around, obvs!). Flash a hot guy just out-of-the-blue. Go skinny-dipping. (Why do the majority of these involve nudity? Just noticed that, lol). Prank phone call someone.

2. If you had $100 handed to you in cash without your significant other knowing about it, what would you spend it on?

New makeup and hair products. I love trying new stuff but can never bring myself to pay the often outrageous prices. Olay has some great new products coming out but I just can't justify paying that much. I want to get that new CoverGirl smoky-eye crayon, too.

3. What was your favorite piece of playground equipment as a child?

I loved the merry-go-round and teeter-totters. It was the best if you and a friend got the teeter-totter and played that game where you try to make the other one fall off. Or on the merry-go-round, when someone spun it super fast and you had to hold on with all your strength so you wouldn't go flying off. Good times...

4. Do you prefer a sweet or hearty breakfast?

I love big fat hearty breakfasts where you're so full afterwards you just want someone to roll you to the nearest couch so you can nap for an hour. Dippy eggs or eggs benedict, bacon, sausage, hashbrowns, toast with jam, pancakes, sliced fruit, juice, chocolate milk, coffee. The full meal deal. A week's worth of calories in one meal, heaven.

5. Are you a Neat Freak or a Messy Bessy?

A bit of both, actually. I try to keep each room neat and tidy but inevitably messes occur. I mean, four kids and a slob of a husband, hello. If I've spent a lot of time cleaning a particular room and the kids come and destroy it, then hell breaks loose and those kids know they have some tidyin' to do. Or if a floor is freshly mopped and then they spill food all over it, that is disastrous. So yeah, sometimes I'm a little anal about keeping it clean. But then other times, I can easily turn a blind eye to the mess because I know that if I start thinking about the domino-effect of what needs to be done, I will just have a mini AA and get way too stressed out. Perfect example -- the garage. I do NOT go in there unless I absolutely have to. I have threatened Tyler with calling Hoarders on him if he doesn't do something about it in there, his reply? "Hey, it may be messy but I know exactly where everything is." But it is a personal mission of mine to gut that place and completely clean out and organize it. Probably take a few days so it would have to be done some time when he'd be away for awhile, maybe I'll send him on a fishing or camping trip this summer, haha.

No more 'Pink Lotus', waaaaa

Omg, someone has hacked my blog. Either that, or the original html code I used for my blogger template has been altered by the original creator. So now I'm left with no choice but to find a new template! So bear with me, y'all, I have some searchin' to do...

Top 10 Annoying Status Updaters

Okay, so everyone on facebook knows that person; you know, that person. The one who's status updates are always annoying, or whiny, or negative, or whatever it is that personally peeves you off. If you're really lucky (sarcasm) you might have a whole bunch of "friends" that do this. Why can't people just be cool and funny and interesting? Oh ya, they're not you (or me). Right. LOL

This is my list of what I consider to be the Top 10 Most Annoying Kinds of Status Updaters...

1) The Proud Parent
You will recognize this person by her profile pic -- always of her child(ren). Her status updates inform us of everything from her child's newest accomplishment to what allergies they have. Its like her life as a separate entity ended when that child pushed its way out of the womb, and now she is known only as Super-Mother, obsessedly devoted to the health and well-being of her child. Making homemade baby food, joining any and every Baby & Me class in existence (and of course, telling us all about it), extolling the virtues of nursing and attachment parenting... She is Super-Mother and won't rest until the entire facebook world knows it.

2) Um, TMI much?
This is the status updater that thinks we really want to know the exact details of the doctor appointment, or the hot date last night, or the nasty fight with the ex. No topic is off limits, no tidbit of info is taboo. Did I really need to know that you walked in on your parents having oral sex? No, and thankyouverymuch for that visual.

3) The Addict
This person should really be on Twitter, which actually encourages new status updates every five minutes or so. Instead they are on facebook, where their constant pointless updates spam up your homepage so completely that you really have no option but to click 'hide' and breath a sigh of relief when the endless details of their existence are removed forever. No but seriously, someone stage an intervention for this person, please.

4) The Ben Stein
If you don't know who Ben Stein is, please take a moment to Google Image him. If you don't recognize him from those pictures, recall that scene in Ferris Bueller where he's the teacher asking, "Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?" in that nasal monotone. Still don't know who he is? Or, even worse, not know who or what Ferris Bueller is? Then stop reading this and just fuck off, seriously. Anyone who doesn't know Ferris Bueller is no friend of mine, I say. HAH! Just kidding, obvs. Anyway, we all know Ben Stein is the epitome of Boring. As is this status updater. All the mundane, tedious, tiresome, drab details of their stale, ordinary, drudging life are on display on this person's facebook wall. "Fed the dog some food today, went grocery shopping, mowed the lawn, paid some bills, washed the dishes..." -- ummm, wow, your life sucks. I mean, I do all those same things too, but do I tell everyone about it? Some things people just don't care to know about. Get a life, dude. Watch some tv and talk about that. Catch a movie and ask people's opinions. Engage people, interact, just do something interesting, dude! Seriously.

5) The Inappropriate Motherf*cka!
For some reason, we never see this one coming, do we? I mean, we should, because that guy was a total bonehead in school, always yelling out stupid stuff in class to get a rise out of the teacher, deliberately being obnoxious at break to be the center of attention. This guy isn't happy unless he's making someone uncomfortable. And if he can do this by letting us all know he wants hookers and blow for Christmas, well then "fuck yeah dudes!", his job is done. He only wishes he could know exactly how many people have blocked him so he could brag about that, too.

6) Happy Happy Joy Joy
This person is probably the worst, in my opinion. No one is always happy and joyous, 24/7. NO ONE. And it annoys the hell out of us regular people with regular emotions who are sometimes happy and sometimes not, when someone is. Does that make sense? Do I care? NO. Because I am a snarky, snappy gal and I like updates with some meat on their bones, not this "Today is a beautiful sunny day and I am gloriously happy!" crap. Geezsh. Have some compassion for the rest of us sad sacks out there who've dealt with a pukey kid, a monster migraine, and an empty coffee can this morning. Or, as an e-friend said recently, "sincerely up yours".

7) Quotey McQuoterson
Omg does this updater need a smack upside the head. You are not a Mensa member, you are not God's gift to intelligent life, you do not have the answers to life's eternal questions; nor are you Mother Theresa, Bill Gates, Ghandi, John F Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, Kurt Cobain, Bart Simpson or some other famous person and/or character. So friggin' enough with the quotes already! "Imagine there's no heaven", yeah, well how about I imagine you're not on my friend list anymore? Oh, there, DONE.

8) The Snap-Happy
I love looking at pictures. You love looking at pictures. Pictures of babies are cute, so are kittens and puppies and toothless first-graders. Sure, I would love to look at your family vacation pictures. Looks like y'all had a great time camping, and at Disneyland, and at the beach. What's that? You have engagement and wedding pics too? Okay, alright, let's see them. Wow, you have over a hundred engagement pics? Ten pics of the exact same pose just with different special effects, well that's kinda cool. Holy crap, what's this...? Is this... are you... giving birth? Is that... wait, what the... your placenta? SERIOUSLY? You included a picture of the afterbirth in the album because why now? And the caption underneath, "Little Avery's Womb with a View", oh very clever. BARF!

9) The Novelist
If your status update has the dreaded blue "See more..." underneath what looks to be 500 words or more of text, then you can count this facebooker OUT. Sorry, unless my eyes single out certain key words or phrases -- such as 'Adam Lambert', 'accidental nudity', 'jail', 'kiss my ass' or 'hot monkey lovin' -- I'm just not that into you, or your epic update.

10) The Life of the Party
Wow, you are SO cool. I wish I could go out to the bar every night and get totally wasted, then somehow find my way home, decide to get on facebook and drunkenly change my status update so everyone can see just how cool and wasted I am because of all my drunken spelling mistakes and slurred spelled words. And all those trips to Vegas or whatnot, all the clubs you went to, all the random guys (or gals) you made out with, all the pics posted of said drunken makeout sessions and peace signs and 'sexy' kissy face poses... you are like SO cool. I am SO glad you're my facebook friend.


I know there's more of these offending updaters out there, these are just the ones that annoy me the most. Let me know who I missed in the comment section.

Oh, and if any of these sound suspiciously familiar, of course you know I don't mean YOU!

Dying to be Beautiful?

There are potentially harmful ingredients commonly used in products throughout the cosmetic and beauty industry. Everyday, most of us use a whole array of hair, skin, body and beauty products without ever asking whether they're safe or not. If we don't take the time to read the fine print, we have no idea whether they are good for us. Most of us assume the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has tight regulations on these products... but this is definitely not the case.

Almost all cosmetics can cause allergic reactions in certain individuals, revealed as irritation, mild redness, pimples or rashes. There are thousands of people who presently suffer from adverse effects and reactions from cosmetic products, and they don't realize the source of the problem. While many chemicals used in cosmetics never cause visible signs of toxicity on the skin, they do contain potent systemic toxins that can remain in the body for a very long time. When you consider that some of these products get applied day after day for decades, the potential for problems is very real.

The skin absorbs whatever it is put in contact with, similar to a sponge. There are hundreds of ingredients used in personal care products that are suspected or proven to be cancer-causing agents, carcinogens, irritants, dioxins, toxins and hormone disrupters. Over 90% of all ingredients in commercially available cosmetic products are of synthetic origin, and many of these ingredients may be associated with health risks. Over 90% of the chemicals used in fragrances are synthetic compounds derived from petroleum. In 1991-1992, the FDA analyzed product samples and found that 65% of the cosmetics contained carcinogenic contaminants. Since the FDA has not set standards for the safety testing of cosmetics, it is up to you to be your own watchdog.

Are you using toxic/carcinogenic skincare and beauty products? Put them to the test...
(Let me know in the comments section if you'd like a copy of this list emailed to you in pdf form)

Acetamide MEA: (cream blusher, lipsticks) Toxic, carcinogenic.
Acetone: (fingernail polish remover) On the EPA hazardous waste list.
Alkyl-Phenol-Ethoxylades: (shampoo) Toxic, carcinogenic. Found to reduce male sperm count and to mimic estrogen in the body.
Alpha-Hydroxy Acids (AHAs): (moisturizers, toners, cleansers, masks, and age-spot removers) Accelerates skin aging and skin cancer potential.
Aluminum: (color additive, especially in eye shadow, deodorant, and antiperspirants) Toxic, carcinogenic.
Ammonium Laureth Sulfate: (hair products, bubble bath) Contains ether; toxic, carcinogenic.
Bentonite: (facial mask, makeup, face powder) May clog pores and suffocate skin.
Benzaldehyde: (perfume/cologne, +) Depresses the central nervous system, causing nausea and abdominal pain.
Benzene: (misc. products) Toxic, carcinogenic.
Benzyl Acetate: (perfume/cologne, +) Carcinogenic; linked to pancreatic cancer; vapors irritate the eyes and respiratory passages.
Benzyl Alcohol: (perfume/cologne, +) Depresses the central nervous system; dizziness, nausea, slurred speech, drowsiness.
Bronopol or 2-Bromo-2-Nitropropane-1,3-Diol: (cosmetics, baby products) Releases nitrities, which combine with DEA to form nitrosamines.
Butylated Hydroxianisole (BHA) or Butylated Hydroxytoluene: (preservative used in personal care products and cosmetics) BHA is an animal carcinogen, suspected human carcinogen and a xenoestrogen.
Camphor: (perfume/cologne, +) Dilates blood vessels for a cooling effect, but can cause skin irritation and dermatitis. Inhalation can irritate eyes, nose and throat. Ingestion can cause burning, nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, headache, confusion, convulsions and unconsciousness.
Carbomer 934, 940, 941, 960, 961 C: (thickener and stabilizer in creams, toothpaste, eye makeup, bath products) Allergen with high acidic pH.
Coal Tar, aka FD, FDC, or FDandC Color: (shampoos, hair dyes) Carcinogenic, can cause severe allergic reactions, asthma attacks, fatigue, nervousness, headaches, nausea, lack of concentration and cancer.
Cocamide DEA: (shampoos) Nitrosamines and known carcinogens can form.
Crystalline Silica: (personal care products, toiletries) Carcinogen; possible link to lung cancer.
DEA (Diethanolamine) or TEA: (liquid soaps, shampoo, conditioner, +) Irritates skin, eyes, mucous membranes; forms nitrosamines, carcinogens; causes allergic reactions and dermatitis; hazardous and toxic, especially for infants and young children.
Dibutyl Phthalate: (fingernail polish) May be linked to fertility problems.
Dimethylamine: Allergen, carcinogenic.
Dioform: (toothpaste and whiteners) Damages enamel.
Dioxins: Carcinogen.
Ethanol: (perfumes, hairspray, shampoo, +) On the EPA hazardous waste list; can depress the central nervous system through inhalation; resulting in dizziness, nausea, slurred speech and drowsiness.
Ethyl Acetate: (nail polish, nail polish remover) On the EPA hazardous waste list; irritates eyes and respiratory tract; may cause headaches, narcosis/stupor and drying of the skin.
FDC-n or FDandC: (pigments) Some are irritants; others are strong carcinogens.
Fluoride: Listed as an insecticide for ants and roaches; ingestion of 4 grams can result in death.
Fluorocarbons: (hair spray propellant) Can produce mild upper respiratory tract irritation.
Formaldehyde aka DMDM Hydantoin, Formalin, MDM Hydantoin: (nail polish and hardeners, shampoo, soap, skin cream) A disinfectant, germicide, fungicide, preservative that can cause allergic reactions, inflammation, headaches, asthma; carcinogen, toxic.
Glycols, such as Propylene Glycol, Diethylene Glycol, Ethylene Glycol: (emulsifier, moisturizer) Causes liver abnormalities and kidney damage in lab animals; toxic, carcinogens.
Hydantoin DMDM: (lubricants, resins) Causes dermatitis, and may release formaldehyde.
Imidazolidinyl Urea: (2nd most commonly used preservative in cosmetics) Causes dermatitis and releases formaldehyde.
Isopropyl Alcohol: (hair color rinses, body rubs, lotion, aftershave, fragrance, +) Petroleum-derived; may cause poisoning symptoms of headaches, flushing, dizziness, depression, nausea, vomiting and coma; implicated in mouth, tongue and throat cancers with mouthwashes having alcohol content of 25% or more.
Kaolin (Silicate of Aluminum): (foundation, powders, blushers) A natural mineral that may smother and weaken skin.
Lauramide DEA: (soap, detergent) Can form carcinogens.
Limonene: (perfume/cologne, +) Irritant to skin and eyes; carcinogen.
Linalool: (perfume/cologne, +) Can cause central nervous system disorder.
Lye, Sodium Hydroxide, or Potassium Hydroxide: (bar soap, toothpaste) Corrosive, poisonous.
Methyl Chloroisothiazolinine or Kathon CG: Toxic, carcinogenic.
Methylene Chloride: (perfume/cologne, +) Banned by the FDA in 1988 but unenforced; carcinogenic; can cause central nervous system disorder.
Methyl Methacrylate: (nail products, acrylic nails) Linked to fungal infections and nail deformities. Ethyl methacrylate is a safer bonding liquid.
Mineral Oil: (makeup remover, lipstick, lotion) A petroleum derivative (crude oil) linked to clogged pores.
PABA or Para-Aminobenzoic Acid: (sunscreen) Can cause photosensitivity, contact dermatitis, and allergic eczema.
Parabens - Butyl, Ethyl, Germa, Methyl, and Propyl Paraben: (most common preservative in personal products, especially creams and lotions) Petroleum-based.
Para-Phenylenediamine or PPD: (permanent and dark hair dyes) Carcinogenic; linked to non-Hodgkin's lymphoma and multiple myeloma.
PEG (200-400), aka Polyethylene Glycol, Polyoxethylene, Polygocol, and Polyether Glycol: Strips natural moisture and nutrition from the skin, leaving the immune system vulnerable; allergic reactions are common, as well as hives and eczema.
Petrolatum: A petroleum-based product that, similar to mineral oil, smothers the skin.
Phthalates: (nail polish, perfumes, hair spray, lotion) Toxic; large exposure causes damage to liver and kidneys, birth defects, decreased sperm count, testicular cancer, early puberty onset in girls and reproductive disorders.
Phenoxyethanol, aka Arosol, Dowanol EPH, Phenyl Cellosolve, Phenoxethol, and Phenonip: (common cosmetic preservative) Can cause severe allergic reactions.
Phosphoric Acid: (pH adjuster in cosmetic and skin-care products) As an inorganic phosphate acid, it is disruptive to the skin.
a-Pinene: (perfume/cologne, +) Can damage the immune system.
Polysorbate-n (20-85): (creams, lotions, deodorants, baby oil, suntan lotion) Can cause contact sensitivity and irritation to the skin.
Propylene Glycol or PG: (suntan lotion, lipstick, shampoo, conditioner) A petrochemical solvent; linked to liver abnormalities and kidney damage; irritant. Avoid it entirely, substituting products containing glycerin or sorbitol.
Sodium Cyanide: Toxic, carcinogenic.
Sodium Fluoride: Potential carcinogen.
Sodium Laureth Sulfate: (shampoo, conditioner) Toxic; closely related to sodium lauryl sulfate.
Sodium Lauryl Sulfate or SLS: (bubble bath, toothpaste, shampoo, conditioner, lotions) This detergent enters the brain, heart, liver and impairs the immune system; linked to eye irritations, skin rashes and allergic reactions; can form carcinogenic compounds.
Sodium Oleth Sulfate: May contain dangerous levels of ethylene oxide and/or dioxide, both potent toxins.
Sodium PCA (NAPCA): (skin and hair conditioners) The synthetic version can seriously dry the skin and cause allergic reactions. A plant-derived version does not cause these reactions.
Stearamidopropyl Tetrasodium EDTA: Nitrosamines can form, which are carcinogens.
Styrene Monomer: Toxic, carcinogenic; may irritate eyes and mucous membranes.
Talc: (makeup and body powders) Mineral talc is linked to ovarian cancer; can cause respiratory problems, if inhaled. Avoid using talc-based powders, especially in genital areas.
g-Terpinene: (perfume/cologne, +) Can cause asthma and central nervous system disorders.
a-Terpineol: (fragrance) Highly irritating to mucous membranes and can cause central nervous system and respiratory depression and headaches.
Toluene: (cosmetics, nail polish, dyes) Obtained from petroleum; if ingested may cause mild anemia, liver damage, irritate the skin and respiratory tract.
Triethanolamine (TEA): (pH balancer) Can cause severe facial dermatitis, irritation and sensitivity; may contain carcinogens.

(Information taken from article "Dying to be Beautiful?" by Peter Lamas)

Five Question Friday

1. Do you have an iPhone and, if so, how do you get apps and what are your favorites?

Nope, no iPhone for me as yet; just my perfectly-fine little purple Samsung.

2. What is your fondest memory of K-3rd grade?

I don't really have any 'fond' memories of those school years, but I do have some memorable ones. First grade: rolling around on the ground during recess and rolling right into a huge mud puddle, then having to wear mismatched, ugly clothes from the lost & found because Mom was at work and couldn't bring me new clothes; hiding under our desks during a crazy thunderstorm that sounded like it was right above the school; having to stay inside during all three recesses one day because a little girl had reported that a strange man tried to make her get in his van, then a whole bunch of police cars showed up. Second grade: I had a horrible crush on a blond boy named Robin and would chase him around at recess trying to kiss him, but one day I got into a fight with another girl who was also trying to kiss him (poor Robin! lol); staying in the hospital for two months because of my wonky back; squinting at the chalk board because it was blurry, knowing I needed glasses but scared to tell my parents or teacher because I didn't want to be called "four eyes". Third grade: getting busted for said squinting by the teacher, who alerted my parents, who then got me glasses; the teacher, Mrs Bridge, made me sit by Slow Stanley at lunch one day and a huge drop of sweat dripped off the tip of his nose onto his pizza, which he ate, and I was so disgusted and nauseous I got the dry heaves, Mrs Bridge was concerned and because I didn't want to admit the real reason for my heaves and hurt Stanley's feelings, I was sent to the sick room; Mrs Bridge telling the class that she only had one 'real' eye, the other was glass, because of a javelin accident during high school.

3. What makes you cringe at the thought of touching?

Spiders, especially hairy ones; blood, vomit and poop; that silky-slimy fabric material, don't know what its called; wet dog fur.

4. If you could have any celebrity show up on your doorstep who would it be and why?

Uh, duhhhhh, Adam Lambert of course. First I would ask him to sing Fever and Strut for me, then I would take a zillion pictures of the two of us, then I would ask him a ton of questions, then I would tie him down and make him... Oops, did I say that out loud?!?

5. What would you say is your best physical feature?
Legs I guess, or eyes. I like the shape of my mouth, too.

WLJ: Weigh-in time

Allrighty, here we go...

Weight: down 6 pounds
Chest: down 1 inch
Waist: down 1/2 inch
Hips: down 1.5 inches
Right/Left Thigh: down 1/2 inch each thigh
Right/Left Arm: down 1/2 inch each arm

So that's 6 pounds, 5 inches gone forever. Woohoo!
Workouts: 17 Turbo Jam, one hour of walking/hiking, 30 minutes of Hip Hop Aerobics (which totally sucked and I'll never do that stupid workout again).

Peeve of the Week: "Who's That Lady?" Swiffer commercials

You know what commercials I mean. For some reason I just cannot stand them! Lena was watching a girl show the other day and one came on. She turned to me with her face screwed up in disgust and said, "Ew, GROSS! Why would they say 'sexy', that's gross!" I couldn't help but laugh, then I replied, "Yeah, I know! I hate those commercials."

With her expressive little face reflecting her scorn, she said "And as if a broom and mop could really kiss each other!".

Exactly.

Five Question Friday (May 14th)

1. Take your pick...date night, girls night out, or night out alone?

Rarely do I ever get to have a girls night out with my bff's Kelly and Christine; in fact, I do believe the last time the three of us ripped it up was two nights before my wedding. That's back in 2004! So that would be my first pick. Second would be date night with Hubs. But every night is date night for us lovebirds, heh. *wink* As for a night out alone, what in the heck would I do? Go to a bookstore maybe?

2. Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

No. And I feel like an idiot for trying just now.

3. What is your favorite flower and why?

I love lilacs, just love them. For many reasons, the most obvious one being the smell. *sigh* I could sniff lilacs all day long. But only REAL lilacs, I hate fake lilac smell, like in air freshener. Ewww, too chemical-ly. I also love how lilacs look, big bunches of tiny blooms. Another reason I love them is that we had huge lilac trees out at the acreage, one right beside the house and another over by the drive way. So on hot days the air was saturated with the smell of lilacs; brings back good memories when I smell them.

4. If you could go back in time, what advice would you give yourself?

I think I would tell myself to jump on the health and fitness bandwagon at a much younger age, and to be serious about it. I look back on my 20s and have such regret that I wasn't able to fully enjoy and experience them to the fullest, because I was so self-conscious and miserable.

5. If you won the lottery, what is the very first thing you would do?

Call all my family and friends and have a huge celebratory party! Then I'd do what anyone would do, pay off bills and debts, sock some away for the kids' education, send some my family's way, etc etc.

Peeve of the Week: Ciggie Butts

We were at the acreage last night, cleaning the 2-mile stretch of ditch that runs from the stop sign at 781 to the crossroads by Earl and Ruby's. Earlier in the week, we'd made arrangements with Levi and Mom (Granny Hag) that we would meet out there Wednesday night to finally get it done. Levi had to cancel due to an unexpected night shift and so we all decided to reschedule.

It was such a beautiful evening though, that Tyler and I loaded up the kids, along with the quad and little trailer, and headed out there. Ty dropped me and the three oldest off right there at the stop sign with our garbage bags and gloves, then he continued on to the acreage with Ryder. Lena, Gunnar, Ardan and I made a fan formation and swept through the ditch like little litter-picking machines. I had the top section by the edge of the road, the protective mother in me coming out I guess. Plus I didn't have to wade through deep grass, haha. The downside?

Cigarette butts.

First off, I was guilty of it myself so I can't judge too harshly. But then again, hell YES I can judge, and curse at, and flat out want to ass-kick those ignorant cusses that huck their butts out the car window. I probably picked up well over 200 butts along that 2-mile stretch. And while that number may not seem that high, picture yourself having to bend over and pick up a tiny white piece of foam buried in gravel and grass. Over 200 times.

By the time we finished the entire north side of the ditch, two and a half hours had passed, dusk was well upon us, my legs, back and arms were aching, and we had six full garbage bags. We had a good time, though. The kids and I walked the ditch until we got to the power plant (whatever that thing is), where Tyler and Ryder were waiting with the quad and trailer. The kids all hopped in the trailer and Tyler pulled them back to the acreage while I continued walking and picking. By the time I made it there they'd all had a nice rest and drink of water, and were ready to carry on. We hadn't planned on doing the full two miles, but then we thought Why not? It was still light enough out, I had tons of energy, and I didn't want to waste the opportunity of having all those sets of helping hands.

For that second-mile stretch Gunnar and I walked, doing the upward slope of the ditch, while Ty rode beside us on the quad with the three youngest in the trailer, and they did the level part of the ditch. Eventually even Gunnar hopped in and then it was just me walking. And picking. Trudging along in my black-and-white polka dot rubber boots, jean capris, black tee, black hat, sunglasses and work gloves. Quite the sight, I'm sure.

I've never been so satisfied with a job well done as I was when we finally finished. Threw my heavy, full bag into the trailer with the kids and hopped on the quad. Ty scooted back so I could drive (copped a feel when the kids weren't looking, niiiice) and we tooted along at a nice slow pace back to the acreage. I was shocked to see the time was 10pm! On the way home past Mac's, we stopped and got our hard-working, deserving kids some screamers. Kids hit the sack immediately, after I made them wash their hands and faces of course!

Here's a small sample of some of the items we collected:

• the bleached-out skull, ribs and vertebrae of a deer, and one furry knee-to-hoof deer leg
• an entire garbage bag of beer and pop cans, juice boxes, beer bottles, and one wine bottle
• giant plastic potting soil bag
• metres of plastic twine
• twisted metal and cables
• fast food containers, drinks, straws, cutlery and bags
• two used condoms, GROSS! (Ardan says "Mom look at this cool thing I found!" and holds up a bright blue slightly-decomposed condom, I shrieked "Drop it in your bag!!!" Gunnar laughed hysterically)
• a CD case, sans CD, of some really lame wannabe-grunge band
• about ten used packets of Arby's ketchup
• pieces of foam
• soggy giant cardboard box
• shredded pieces of tire
• 10+ cigarette packs

And of course, the hundreds upon hundreds of cigarette butts. There was a ton of other miscellaneous stuff, the majority of it plastic. It makes me sad that so many people think nothing of littering, and such random junk too. Like, someone was eating a pudding cup while driving and then just thought, No way I'm waiting to throw this in an actual garbage can, I'll just toss it now! Hey wait a minute, it was probably some school kid hucking it out the bus window, don't you think? Darn brat kids.

But seriously, the cigarette butts. It keeps coming back to that. A smoker thinks nothing of tossing the butt, its so tiny and seemingly insignificant. But that little non-biodegradable piece of foam is full of chemicals and toxins that leach into the soil.

So to any smokers reading this (you know who you are), its time to consider buying a portable travel ashtray to keep in your vehicle. They're cheap, found at most dollar stores. Time to go green, people, time to think about your impact on the world around you.

And to the person who dumped a frickin' ROTTEN DECOMPOSED COW'S HEAD in the ditch, screw you. You are evil. Something is wrong with you, mentally. Screw. You.

(P.S. Figured out the calories burned for this exercise -- using that new website -- 2.5 hours continuous walking at steady pace holding 0-9 pounds, on slight incline through gravel and high grass, repeated bending and grabbing motions: just over 1400 calories burned! NICE)

Speaking of #2...

Tyler and I took the kids down to the beach the other evening for a nice walk/bike ride. We brought the kids' bikes so they could zip ahead of us boring adults as we walked behind them. You know, because heaven forbid someone should see them with us lame parents, haha. Ryder had his little red tricycle and Ty strung a rope around the handlebars so he could pull Ryd behind us as we walked, because the crushed red gravel was hard for him to pedal through.

We started our walk near the end of the beach, where the cement barrier ends and the "wilderness" (as Lena called it) begins. We've walked this area many times, its a family favorite, especially when the saskatoons are ripe near the end of summer. There's many places along the path with small sand 'beaches' for the kids to play in, look for shells, throw reeds and rocks in the water, and explore.

We stopped at one such 'beach' so the kids could play. I kicked Lena's butt at X's-and-O's drawn in the sand with reeds and the boys looked in vain for dead fish along the shore. Ryder delighted in slapping sticks against the water surface, splashing himself and anyone nearby. Ty stood on the bank and watched us.

After a bit, I started doing the potty dance and said out loud, "Okay, time to go, mom's gotta go pee-oh." You know, because pee-oh is Simcoe-speak for pee. Everyone knows that. Except Ty gave me a weird look so I clarified, "You know, pee."

Then he really gave me a look and said, "Gross! TMI much?"

"What? That's TMI? Don't be a wuss!"

"Um, YEAH, telling everyone you have to go #2 is TMI."

"WHAT?! I never said that! I said 'pee-oh'. Then I said 'you know, pee'." Thought about it for a second, then realized, yeah I could see how he might've thought I said poop. "Pee-oh, you know, pee" minus the 'you', misinterpret 'know' as 'oh'. And you get 'p-o-o-p'. "Ohforpitysakes!"

And then I caught movement out of the corner of my eye, turned to look and here there was a young couple strolling by us. They'd caught every word of this fecal conversation and were trying their hardest not to burst out laughing. When I caught the girl's eye she quickly looked away with lips pursed, doing her damndest not to grin maniacally I'm sure.

I just looked at Ty with murderous eyes and my own trembling lips, "Thanks a lot, BABE!"

We both burst out laughing.

Another lesson learned the hard way... *sigh*

Why do these things only happen to me? It must be so that I can pass along my new found knowledge and save y'all the pain and agony of firsthand experience. So here it is...

DO NOT LOSE TRACK OF TIME WHEN YOU HAVE APPLIED DEPILATORY CREAM TO YOUR "MUSTACHE AREA"

That's all I'm saying.

The End.

Some moments can never be un-remembered... (TMI!!)

He is SO lucky he's cute....

Lena and Ryder were fighting over a ball when suddenly she let out a wailing scream that just pitched higher and higher. I ran over because I knew the little bugger had bitten her.

"That's IT! I have had it with the biting, Ryder!" and to prove my point, I pulled down his pants and diaper to smack his bare ass a good one. Only...

My hand, specifically my middle finger, rammed right into an assful of POOP. Gloppy, slimy poop. No hard rabbit turds here, folks. I know, GAG!

I froze, just completely froze, even stopped breathing. My eyes darted to Lena's and we stared at each other in goggle-eyed horror. Ryder just stood, cringing, no doubt still waiting for the ass-smacking.

Finally I snapped back into motion with a scream, "Aaaaaaaiiiiii!!!", marched Ryder to the bathroom and began the cleanup process, starting with an intensive scrubbing, disinfecting, nail-cleaning frenzy.

Just to teach Ryder a lesson, really traumatize the bugger, I said to him, "NO MORE BITING! Next time you bite someone I'm going to put POOP in your mouth!" and I quickly slid my finger (a completely different finger, and totally clean) in his mouth. He thought it was the other finger and that it was still poopy, and the look on his face! He shoved my hand away so fast and was spitting and gagging, scraping his tongue on a towel, yelling at me "I hate you! I hate you!".

Mean mommy? Ya probably. But if it makes him think twice next time he's in a chomping mood, then I guess it worked.

Five Question Friday (May 7 edition)

1. What is your worst memory of your siblings?

I remember getting into a fight one time with Trapper. He was about 8-9 years old, I would have been 12-13. I had just gotten a new pair of glasses literally the day before and was so excited to wear them to school for the first time. It was morning-time and we were sitting at the table waiting until it was time to leave for the bus stop. I don't even remember why we were fighting or what it was about. The fight got out of hand and Trapper actually PUNCHED me right in the face, in the eye, and BROKE my new glasses! Cracked the lens and busted the frame! I was so livid I punched him back as hard as I could in the arm, then immediately phoned mom who was at work. I was crying hysterically. Had to wear my old glasses to school. I can't even remember if I ever did get that new pair replaced because back then it was incredibly expensive to buy me glasses, the lenses alone were about $400 because of my extreme nearsightedness. Trapper got in major trouble for that, the little shit! The only bad memories of Levi I have are all the times he ratted me out for stuff. Trapper and I realized early on never to tell Levi our secrets or let him in on what was going on because he just couldn't wait to run straight to the parents and tattle on us.

2. What was YOUR naughtiest childhood memory? (Must be something YOU did, no pawning it off on someone else!)

Lied to the parents a few times about spending the night at a friends house when I really went to a party. Oh, one time when I was 16 or 17, mom and dad took the boys on a trip to Montana and I stayed home alone for a week because I was working at A&W. On the night before they all came home, I went to a friends house party with a couple of my girlfriends. We all got really drunk, made out all night with our boyfriends, then passed out on the floor. I woke up totally hungover and freaked out when I saw what time it was. My friend drove me straight home, I ran inside, changed clothes and brushed my teeth, and my family drove down the driveway literally ten minutes after. They probably passed my friend on the road as she headed back to Sylvan! Close call. (Sorry that you're just finding this out now Mom, I was a brat!)

3. Where do you like to go to relax?

I can relax almost anywhere, as long as I have a good book to read and a comfortable place to sit or lay down.

4. What was the last thing you won?

A Dairy Queen icecream cake, from entering my name in a draw.

5. If you could be on a game show, which would you choose?

Price is Right, of course!!

Five Question Friday (April 30th edition)

1. If you could, would you go back to high school?

No, never.

2. If a genie appeared and granted you two wishes, what would they be? (And, no saying "more wishes".)

To never have to worry about financial matters again, and that my family was always safe and healthy.

3. What kids show do you secretly like?

I love Big & Small, there's a surprising amount of adult humor that goes right over the kids' heads and Small is kinda sarcastic and bossy, love it.

4. What is your beverage of choice?

It used to be diet pepsi but I can now say I am over that addiction. Most days I only drink water and skim milk, sometimes the occasional glass of juice.

5. What is something that you would change about yourself (or are working to change in yourself)?
Well you all know the answer to this question. I am currently on a mission to achieve my goal weight and measurements. I'd like to see some significant changes by the time Levi and Amber's wedding rolls around in early July, but definitely by our planned Vegas trip in November. Seeing as how I'm planning on getting all new clothes for my all new body! Can't wait.

Five Question Friday (April 23 edition)

1. What was the first car you owned?
A 1995 Ford Aerostar van, that green one.

2. What song are you embarrassed to know the lyrics to?
A song came on the radio one time and there I was singing away, when Tyler looked at me strange. "I thought you hated ZZ Top." WHAT?! This is a ZZ Top song? Ohmygod it IS! What the hell is wrong with me? FORGET THAT THIS HAPPENED, I MEAN IT! I don't remember what song it was but I remember that I was absolutely mortified I got caught singing it.

3. Have you ever had stitches?
Um, how to answer this without giving TMI. Yes, I have, and the procedure was called an Episiotomy, click here for details. Oh, and I had stitches on my breasts when I got the reduction back in 2000.

4. What was your first job?
My first REAL job was working as a cashier at the Sylvan A&W. I was 14 and my mother made me get a job, which I was resentful of at first but once the money started rolling in (and I was able to get out of the house more often) I loved it.

5. Who is your favorite Sesame Street character?
Grover, cute cuddly adorable little Grover. He's not on the show as much nowadays, neither is Guy Smiley or Prairie Dawn, or even that two-headed monster (can't remember the name). Oh, and remember the little bugs that lived in the flowerbox? What were those things called? I want to call them Doodlebugs. Oh, and you know who else is never on Sesame Street is Kermit the Frog, wasn't he the original Sesame Street puppet?

Turbo Fire: My new MUST HAVE

Here is my new goal: to keep doing Turbo Jam until I'm fit enough for the newest BeachBody exercise videos coming out this summer, called Turbo Fire. Unfortunately, the youtube preview has the embedding disabled by request, so I can't post a vid of it but here's a link. Check it out! Its a series of 12 high-intensity workout videos that have been proven to burn 9x as much fat as regular Turbo Jam workouts, and your body continues to burn fat up to 22 hours after the workout is finished! Can you believe it?

I am so excited and pumped to get those videos. Its around $120 though, ay-yi-yi. Worth it though. Yet one more thing to start saving for.




Oh yeah, I also want ChaLEAN Extreme. Gimme gimme gimme!!

The power of Addiction

I was delivering papers this morning (Gunnar so owes me) and I noticed on the ground two barely-smoked cigarettes. You know, like someone had taken a couple of puffs then threw it on the ground and ground it out with their toe.

And for a crazy, horrible, totally insane moment, I was tempted to pick them up and tuck them in my pocket for future, secretive, use. I actually stood there and contemplated it.

Then Lena yelled something to me and Ryder wheeled past me on his little tricycle and the moment was gone. Away we went.

But that moment continues to haunt me.

It has been, what, almost a year now being cigarette-free and the fact that I can still be tempted just goes to show how strong the power of addiction is. Even the other day, I walked past some people standing outside their work building having a smoke together, and I couldn't stop myself from taking a deep inhale, just breathing that familiar smell in. I watched them with envy as they chit-chatted and puffed away. I used to do that, I used to go for smoke breaks with my work buddies. When you become a non-smoker, its almost like you lose that part of your identity. Who are you without that cigarette in your hand?

I'm lucky that the major hurdle of breaking the addiction is over, but I can see I've still got a ways to go.