No.4 did it to me again. He had gone down for a nap a couple of hours before, and I could hear him bumping and banging around in there. So I went to his room to let him out, cracked open the door and was just hit with this overwhelming smell. "Someone went poo-peee..... OH. MY. GOD!!!!"
There he was, standing by the toy box, looking all happy and excited to see me. And he was covered, literally covered, head-to-toe in poop. My eyes scanned the room, taking in the total destruction, and spotted the diaper on the floor, emptied of its contents. He'd obviously taken the crap out, smeared it all over himself, stepped on a huge chunk and ground it into the carpet and the shag area rug. It was on the walls, on the little table, on toys, on the toy box lid. There were chunks of it in his hair (his frickin' hair, people!!!), his hands looked like they'd been dipped in it, and his face, his poor sweet little face, was almost unrecognizable. Only his bright blue eyes were visible. And he was just standing there, looking at me, happy as a pig in, well, shit.
Its one of those parenting moments where you are just overwhelmed with the enormity of the situation you've found yourself in. Obviously the first thing I had to take care of was getting him in to the tub, stat. It took three washcloths (that immediately went straight in the garbage), half a bottle of kids shampoo, ten minutes of scrubbing (and gagging), and five minutes of using the showerhead on him afterwards. And let me tell you, he DOES NOT like the showerhead. (One thing we don't have in common, I guess. Ha.)
Then it was on to cleaning the walls, the table, the toy box lid. The toys I just threw in the tub to deal with later. Scrubbing poo out of toy car tires was not high on the priority list. So once all that was done, the REAL test of my patience and anger-management began. How to clean the carpet and shag area rug? And let me tell you, people, that baby wipes are possibly man's greatest invention, ever. I already knew they were useful for such things as washing your face, removing makeup, wiping food off clothes, wiping down your vehicle interior, etc. Who knew they could remove ground-in poop so amazingly well from carpets? I swear, if enough people knew about this, they could put carpet-stain-removal-products out of business.
Actually, to be perfectly honest, I already knew they could clean small stains out of the carpet. But poop, I had no idea. True, I did use up almost an entire pack of wipes, but the results... amazing. You really cannot tell that they were even there.
And so yeah, there you have it. Let this tale be a lesson to y'all, let it be a new form of birth control for those of you unprepared to deal with shit like this on a regular basis (pun intended). Toddlers -- can't help but love them, can't sell them on eBay.
1 comment:
This would have been a perfect opportunity for a blackmail picture, BeauSaxon. OMG, he didn't eat any of it, did he?
Hag.
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