2011 Resolutions

Okay, enough is enough. Time to wisen up and get serious. After careful consideration, I've determined that these are the areas I need to improve upon...

1. STOP SMOKING.

2. A renewed commitment to the WLJ.
Seriously, enough is enough. No more procrastination, no more bingeing and fasting. Back to the healthy eating and daily exercise, even if its just twenty minutes. The 2012 Final Countdown is a'comin' and I need to be in fighting form. (I'm only half-kidding.)

3. Be a KINDER person.
I know most of you will think, 'But you ARE a kind person, Beau!' Well, honestly, a lot of the time I'm not. I think unkind thoughts, I make snap judgements about people based on their appearance or actions (when I know damn well what happens when you ASSUME), and I hold grudges. I need to make a conscious effort to be nice in both deed and thought. I think I'll become a much happier person.

4. Tame back the road rage.
I used to gape in horrified amazement when Hubs would let loose the road rage and think to myself, 'Wow, he has some ISSUES!' Haha. Well now I find myself being the one screaming at other drivers, letting loose angry tirades about the stupidity of mankind. Some reactions are uncontrollable, like when that jerk cuts you off or passes too close. But sometimes I find myself being fully aware that I am unreasonably angry (I mean, c'mon, is it that big of a deal that buddy waited until the last second to put on his turn signal?), and yet I still yell and curse. I justify it by telling myself I am teaching my children what NOT to do so that when they are drivers, they will be aware of the kind of things some idiot drivers do. And while that may be somewhat true (yes, now they know to be defensive drivers and be watchful for morons that try to run red lights, etc), do I really want my kids to see me exhibiting such rage?

5. Be more PATIENT.
This is kind of related to the kindness thing, but this one in particular is aimed more towards my children. And I'm sure you all think (because I've heard it said) that I am always ever-so-patient with my kids, yaddayadda. Its a show! A put-on for the public! Not saying I'm an evil raging bitch behind closed doors, but sometimes, a little. I find that I don't have patience or even the desire to be patient when it comes to getting what I want done. For example, if I have to tell my kids to get something done more than twice, I can literally feel my blood pressure rising and then its like, "NOW!" I realize this is normal for any parent, especially one with four kids, but there is a lot to be said for recognizing that these are just KIDS and as such, they flow on their own time path. When Ryder is taking forever to get his coat and boots on, I need to stop and take a breather because what seems like such an inconsequential thing is actually teaching him independence and self-reliance. Little things like that, where I tend to take over just to get it done quickly, or bigger things like Gunnar waiting til what seems like the last minute to get his papers done... those are moments when I have a learning opportunity, to become a better parent and create stronger relationships with my children. Give them a break, understand where their behaviour is coming from (after all, its -20 outside, would I really want to be delivering papers in that?), and just let it be, go with their flow.

6. Show true appreciation for what I've been given, and what I've had to work for.

7. Be more loving to Hubs, and more expressive to him how I'm in love with him.
Many times I lose patience with him (there's that patience thing again) or get angry because he doesn't see something the way I do, or if he says or does something I don't agree with. I can be very short-tempered with him or flippant, or I say something disrespectful like 'pffft!' or roll my eyes. Very rude and its embarrassing to admit that I do that. I am a very stubborn person and I tend to think I'm always right. At times my personality can be very dominating and bossy. If you're not with me, you're against me, that sort of thing. Plus, I have a lot of issues with 'authority' that stem from my teenage years, when I felt very stifled, repressed and controlled. A sure way to get me to do something is to tell me NOT to do it. You know? A lot of times I'm actually reacting to the tone of voice or the manner something is being expressed to me, rather than the actual words. Ty might say something to me and his voice sounds angry, but really its because he just got home and had a stressful day; I'll take it in as a criticism or slight, and then in return I've got a bitchy tone and I'm resentful. Its so stupid and childish but its a rut I get stuck in. And so it needs to END, and I need to grow up. Treat my man as a MAN, not my father, not my child, as my HUSBAND that I've willingly chosen to bind myself to, and as such give him the respect, admiration and most importantly, LOVE, that he so deserves. I always compare our relationship to Levi and Amber's, "Why don't you treat me like Levi treats Amber? Why don't I get PDA's and sweet little kisses when noone's looking? Why don't my feelings come first?" etcetc. But its that old adage that I firmly believe in, 'You reap what you sow'. And I'm a big hypocrite! I want all that stuff but I don't expect to have to return the actions, or initiate them in the first place. So that all stops this year. This year I am going to be the best wife ever, considerate and unselfish, thoughtful and caring. And LOVING. The best example of how true mates should treat each other will always be my parents. No matter their issues, no matter the situation, the highs and lows, they were always about showing each other respect, consideration and love. My mother would NEVER have rolled her eyes at my dad. From now on, I will ask myself, 'Would Mom do this?' (we'll call it: WMDT?) and that will be the measuring stick I hold myself accountable to.

8. Stay in better touch with my loved ones, and be the first to initiate contact and communication.
I am sooo bad for this. I leave it for the other person to contact me. (Well, with the exception of Mom and Christine.) But I mean with my brothers, Fred, Kelly, my grandparents... its usually them who calls me, not vice versa. So this year I'm going to really try to be a better friend, sister, daughter, etc. If I find myself thinking of someone or remembering something funny or cute about them, well then dammit I'm going to call them up right then and there and tell them about it! Its something my mom has always encouraged (she's so wise) and I'm going to start doing it more often. So be prepared to be seeing my number on your call display more often!

So there you have it. My list of resolutions for 2011. While I've accomplished some of last year's resolutions (be more organized, procrastinate less), there's still more work to be done. And this will be the year!

So I will it, so shall it be. :)